tiffany_case is offline tiffany_case Post #1  July 29,2009, 3:27am
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I was with my boyfriend for 15 months. We are both 50. We had a very close and loving relationship. We had the ideal in many ways, lots in common, laughed a lot, had a great time. The thing that got in the way was his inability to detach from his wife. They had been married for 28 years and known eachother since 15 years of age. Detach I mean, she continued to cut his hair, which, rightly or wrongly, I found difficult to cope with. As we got closer it became more of an issue for me and he eventually ended it with me. Chose her over me I guess.
One month later he has gone on the internet and is now in another relationship. How can that happen, is it just luck, or is it a rebound?
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #2  July 29,2009, 3:39am

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Tiffany; Do you really need someone to tell you the awful truth? You were an exciting fling...the excitement wore off-he realized the good of the old relationship outweighed the bad, and went back.

And you don't have past relationships hanging around? None of us live in a vacuum; those folks are still out there, and all of us stay in touch to one degree or another; I still go to my son and daughter's mother's holiday dinners (with my ladyfriend).

Look yourself in the mirror, convince yourself that someone far more suited for you than this last fellow is still out there, and ignore the concept of luck (as well as any posts of your recent "boy"friend) ; improve your odds, get a new "do", get back in shape, update your info on your posts and get back out there!
 
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tiffany_case is offline tiffany_case Post #3  July 29,2009, 3:48am
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Hi,

He hasnt gone back to his wife, just found someone else on an internet dating site and is now in a realtionship. Is that a rebound?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  July 29,2009, 4:00am
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So you got involved with a married man who is cheating on his wife and you are surprised about the outcome?

He was having a fun affair with you until you started acting too much like a girlfriend - he dumped you and moved on to the next exciting thing and he'll dump her once she starts acting too much like a girlfriend and then.......get the picture?
 
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tiffany_case is offline tiffany_case Post #5  July 29,2009, 4:51am
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Sorry Dancing Fool, havent explained properly.

He left his wife nearly three years ago after a 28 year marriage. I met him when he had been separated for 18 months. House is sold, each have their own lives really. Its just that he goes back every 6 or 7 weeks to have his hair cut. It was that initially that created the issue. I felt that 'we' as a couple couldnt move on. I also felt it was sending out the wrong message to his estranged wife, who is still on her own after a failed relationship. It got in the way of our relationship, and I couldnt cope. Felt he was putting his estranged wifes feelings before my own.
He ended with me, because I couldnt accept it.

He now has another girlfriend who he found on an internet dating site, within a month of breaking with me. I am devastated, heartbroken. I suppose I was hoping for a reconsiliation, maybe I am stupid to have even considered that.

Is it a rebound?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  July 29,2009, 5:08am
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I know you fell for him and this is really hard on you, but.....

It really does not matter how long he's been separated from his wife - a day, a week, a month, three years. What matters is that they are for all means and purposes married and have not really taken the steps to get divorced. This means that whatever is going on between them is not really over. It's only over when the ink on the divorce decree is dry. If they both wanted to, they would have taken this last step a long long time ago.

In his mind he is out playing - having is cake and eating it too. When the issue for you over this grew.....yeah....he moved on. I know this is hard for you to face but he was using you as long as it was fun and now he is using someone else. Stay away from men like that in the future. If he is not divorced - run and fast.
 
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tiffany_case is offline tiffany_case Post #7  July 29,2009, 5:27am
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Hi again,

His reasons for not divorcing are that as a firefighter in a senior position, he gets a good pension. He felt that if he died, and he is not married the pension disappears. Whether this is a justifiable reason to not get divorced puzzles me. He said he would divorce if and when we moved in together. I felt that we wouldnt even get to that stage unless he made efforts to show me he had moved on. At least not getting his hair cut................was I demanding,foolish, impatient, dont know........I was in it too much. Your opinion please :-)
At the end of the day, how can he move on with anyone unless he is divorced..............maybe his mistake with me will make him realise what he has to do.............or not

Thankyou Dancing Fool
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  July 29,2009, 5:53am
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[quote=tiffany_case;690575]

His reasons for not divorcing are that as a firefighter in a senior position, he gets a good pension. He felt that if he died, and he is not married the pension disappears. Whether this is a justifiable reason to not get divorced puzzles me. He said he would divorce if and when we moved in together. I felt that we wouldnt even get to that stage unless he made efforts to show me he had moved on. At least not getting his hair cut................was I demanding,foolish, impatient, dont know........I was in it too much. Your opinion please :-)
At the end of the day, how can he move on with anyone unless he is divorced..............maybe his mistake with me will make him realise what he has to do.............or not



I was the one who initiated the separation from my first husband. Even so, it was 4 years before I actually divorced him. And that was only after I'd made up my mind to go for it (marriage) again and start dating.

Now, granted the boyfriend is dating before he is divorced, so it's not exactly like my situation. Still, until he is actually divorced, no woman has any future for him.

My guess? That's the way he likes it for now.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  July 29,2009, 6:26am
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You were not demanding, foolish, or impatient. Your mistake is getting involved with a man who is not available and buying his bs by the truckload.

Learn, heal, move on.
 
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tiffany_case is offline tiffany_case Post #10  July 29,2009, 6:31am
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what about this new 'relationship' of his, is it a rebound, getting involved with someone a month after me, and he possibly isnt even emotionally detached from his 'estranged' wife either..............

how long do you give it ??????............me, I give it..2/3 months max!!
 
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