kittencaboodle is offline kittencaboodle Post #1  July 28,2009, 6:01pm
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Okay guys, I need some advice.

I've been dating someone who seems nice, but I think some baggage is already beginning to show. Now, I have plenty of my own baggage, and am extremely sensitive about people who are negitive and controlling, so tell me what you think, I would really appreciate the feedback.

We've been dating for about 4 weeks and things are o.k. but he has started calling and asking where I am and why I'm there and what I'm doing all the time. He has also said negative things about different things that I like or enjoy, acting like the people who like them are stupid or somehow less than him.


He seems to be very insecure, and I don't know if he's just pushing because he fears rejection, or if he's really that possessive/small minded.

What do you think? I need some help here, I don't know how much is my fears or his. Thanks, kittencaboodle
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 28,2009, 6:24pm
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You might try ignoring questions about where you are … I do that to women (since she has no need to know.) He may be interested in you, which is a good thing – I’m usually on the receiving end of too much interest.
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #3  July 28,2009, 6:37pm
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From what you have written it sounds like a big red flag...

The only question that I would have is: Is your past coloring what he is doing? Are you misinterpreting what he is doing/saying?
 
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tigerlilyplay6 is offline tigerlilyplay6 Post #4  July 28,2009, 6:57pm
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DDjr wrote :
From what you have written it sounds like a big red flag...

The only question that I would have is: Is your past coloring what he is doing? Are you misinterpreting what he is doing/saying?

Hi,

I think you should trust your instincts about how you feel right now. If the questioning is too much then maybe you should consider this a red flag and move on. However, I would suggest you at least let him know how you feel about his questioning of you. He may not realize what he is doing or even that it is becoming a problem. The biggest thing to remember is that unlike other relationships we may have had this is our opportunity to reverse any harmful cycles we might have put ourselves in and make a change. Communication is the number one reason most of us don't have a significant other right now. So see how he responds to your feelings and if he stills acts like he's got an inferiority complex or whatever realize he is not the only one who may be looking at you right now. Move on and move forward!
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #5  July 28,2009, 7:21pm
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Here's the problem: You've been dating this guy for 4 weeks and you're already posting some significant concerns. At this stage of the relationship, you should be having the time of your life! He should be giving you "butterflies" rather than an interrogation.

Listen to your inner voice. It's there for a reason.
 
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Comedian is offline Comedian Post #6  July 28,2009, 7:51pm
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I think most of us are saying the same thing, Talk to him. Either he'll react with understanding and the red flag fades. Or he will react with insecurity and small-mindedness and the red flag becomes a red flashing signal. If you can't talk to him about this at all, that's a very bad sign indeed.
 
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carose is offline carose Post #7  July 28,2009, 7:55pm
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all attention is good attention? my bottom line is that he is attentive- then get out the toolbag...
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  July 28,2009, 8:29pm
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[quote=kittencaboodle;690095]

We've been dating for about 4 weeks and things are o.k. but he has started calling and asking where I am and why I'm there and what I'm doing all the time. He has also said negative things about different things that I like or enjoy, acting like the people who like them are stupid or somehow less than him.




Unless you want to explain and justify yourself to him all the time, these are HUGE warning signs. For him to betray himself this way to you at 4 weeks speaks volumes about who he really is.

I'd run. Sorry.

Any woman married to him in the future will end up explaining to him where she is, why she's there, and what she's doing all the time she's not with him. She will probably not do things she likes or enjoys unless he likes and enjoys them also, because it's easier than listening to it.

Either that or have a fight on her hands. Or a divorce. Is that where you see yourself in a few more years?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #9  July 28,2009, 10:05pm
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Run, don't walk from this, forget about trying to understand him, or what your own baggage is that is contributing to his behavior, he owns it not you. These are classic signs of an abuser. Possessiveness, negative put downs etc. the are isolation tactics, guilt trips to start controlling you, please run ,run, run!
kittencaboodle wrote :
Okay guys, I need some advice
I've been dating someone who seems nice, but I think some baggage is already beginning to show. Now, I have plenty of my own baggage, and am extremely sensitive about people who are negative and controlling, so tell me what you think, I would really appreciate the feedback.
We've been dating for about 4 weeks and things are o.k. but he has started calling and asking where I am and why I'm there and what I'm doing all the time. He has also said negative things about different things that I like or enjoy, acting like the people who like them are stupid or somehow less than him
He seems to be very insecure, and I don't know if he's just pushing because he fears rejection, or if he's really that possessive/small minded.
What do you think? I need some help here, I don't know how much is my fears or his. Thanks, kittencaboodle
 
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kittencaboodle is offline kittencaboodle Post #10  July 29,2009, 8:55am
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Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm kinda leaning towards running, although I'm going to get together with him this weekend to try to talk to him about my concerns.
The things that he criticizes are not major, mostly music, my past lifestyle etc. But literally saying that he is lucky to not be tainted by the music and things that I like to do concern me greatly.

I DO have baggage, I'm not denying it, and I was open about some of my concerns from the very beginning. I used to always end up with insecure, damaged men who were extremely possessive and jealous about me, and I do not want to be in that situation again. Controlling, I cannot deal with anymore.

Thanks again for all your feedback, I was sincerely unsure how much was my baggage coming to the surface and how much was him. Like I said before, the past makes us over -sensative to some things and some of his actions have definately made me think twice about this relationship.

I will take all your comments into consideration and please feel free to give me anymore insights you feel you might have.

Thanks, Kittencaboodle
 
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