NeedAnswers is offline NeedAnswers Post #1  July 28,2009, 9:36am
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I met a guy on another dating website, we really hit it off on our first and second dates - multiple references (by both of us) to things we wanted to do "next time", etc.

Two days after our second date, I called to see if he wanted to grab a casual dinner (he's new in town, thought he could use the company), and he said he was flying out of town for work that afternoon and was going to be gone for a week but we should get together when he's back. I wasn't expecting him to call, but I did email him on a work-related matter (we work in the same field.) He responded promptly, and was like "well, I'll be back next week, so let's get together." So I said ok, but that I was going to be out of town this weekend so we should do it during the week.

He was supposed to have gotten back on Sunday - it's now Tuesday. Last night (Monday) I was excited cause he called - turns out I'm fairly certain it was an accidental dial, cause I kept saying "hello?" and just heard noise in the background. I texted him and said "hey, did you call? No response.

Is this a bad sign? It's now been a week and a half since our last date. And no response to my text. Other worrisome things are, he's still poking around on match every day, and he seems to have recently joined eharmony (like, since we met). Should I call him? Wait for him to call me? I feel like I've initiated every contact we've had, but he's always been responsive. I just dont like being the pursuer, and I know he's a busy guy so I dont want to bug the crap out of him.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #2  July 30,2009, 6:40pm
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Hi Need: No ma'am...no more calling or texting. And I'm not trying to sound harsh but you should read, "He's Just Not That Into You." This book is completely liberating. It highlights that a man will make time to do whatever he wants to do...no matter what's going on in his life.

Buy it used on Amazon.

Hugs and good luck!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  July 31,2009, 5:27am
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He met some else, or at least is looking actively for someone else. A bad sign? All of the underlined below are "bad signs", Please find some else and go out and have a good time . This guy is "too busy" (looking for other women) for you...
NeedAnswers wrote :
I met a guy on another dating website, we really hit it off on our first and second dates - multiple references (by both of us) to things we wanted to do "next time", etc.
Two days after our second date, I called to see if he wanted to grab a casual dinner (he's new in town, thought he could use the company), and he said he was flying out of town for work that afternoon and was going to be gone for a week but we should get together when he's back. I wasn't expecting him to call, but I did email him on a work-related matter (we work in the same field.) He responded promptly, and was like "well, I'll be back next week, so let's get together." So I said OK, but that I was going to be out of town this weekend so we should do it during the week.
He was supposed to have gotten back on Sunday - it's now Tuesday. Last night (Monday) I was excited cause he called - turns out I'm fairly certain it was an accidental dial, cause I kept saying "hello?" and just heard noise in the background. I texted him and said "hey, did you call? No response.
Is this a bad sign? It's now been a week and a half since our last date. And no response to my text. Other worrisome things are, he's still poking around on match every day, and he seems to have recently joined eharmony (like, since we met). Should I call him? Wait for him to call me? I feel like I've initiated every contact we've had, but he's always been responsive. I just dont like being the pursuer, and I know he's a busy guy so I dont want to bug the crap out of him.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
 
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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #4  July 31,2009, 8:03am
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Hi, I'm in almost exactly the same situation as you, and I think the previous poster (MCM) has given you sound advice.

I went on a first meeting with a guy from match on Sunday. We hit it off so amazingly well; we talked for 4 hours. He made several references to "the next time we get together". I got home, and he had already sent me 2 emails telling me what a great time he had and how much better I looked in person. I wrote him back immediately, thanking him for dinner, telling him what a great time I, too, had, and how much I enjoyed his company. I figured he'd call the next day or so, since he did have my number.

So now, it's been 5 days, no phone call, email, text, nothing. And he has not only been very active on match, but he turned his profile back on, on another site he's on.

He's just not that into me.

And your guy...he's just not that into you.

It's time for us smart girls to move on.....k?

And yes, I do feel your pain. It sucks-sucks-sucks.
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #5  July 31,2009, 8:29am
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I agree with the other posters. STOP. You are on Match and eHarmony. Go to talk to other guys. Any guy. Flirt with the UPS man if you must. Do what you must to feel sexy and wanted by other men. Get busy doing other things and you just may hear from him out of the blue.
It happened to me the other day. A guy I had been on two dates, spent an awesome 4th of July with, totally 'POOFED' on me. Two days, ago he texted me like nothing had happened. I have been busy on other dates and living my life, so I was cool. I was actually a little bit of a biotch to him and he has been calling me and texting me constantly ever since, wanting me to go out with him again. I told him maybe weekend after next. My dance card is kind of full.
 
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pukeko is offline pukeko Post #6  July 31,2009, 4:48pm
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call me instead.
 
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mhill5654 is offline mhill5654 Post #7  July 31,2009, 5:08pm
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I think you should go on with your life because you are setting yourself up to get hurt. Just the idea that he joined e-harmony while dating you is dissatifaction on his part. I know he busy but if a man is interested in a woman for longterm relationships, he would go out of his way to see her or to be with her. Stop calling him trying to get in touch, because a man likes to be the chaser. I'm sure you are a nice person and i have the confidenece that you will find the right one. good luck
 
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thatslife is offline thatslife Post #8  August 1,2009, 9:37am
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I would not call him again. I know it's hard and a lot of coulda, shoulda, woulda's go thru our heads in these situations. I recently had a major ego hit with a similar situation. Went on 4 or 5 casual dates, things went slow, but always talk of next time and such. I did feel like I was often the one reaching out for contact after the dates but he always responded. He suggested the next date after our last date and then I never heard from him. It drove me crazy. I did reach out when it seemed like he poofed b/c that's how we torture ourselves and i needed closure, only to hear a response from him that he didn't think we had the right connection. I cannot even hate him b/c it really isn't his fault if he wasn't feeling it. Deep down I know we weren't meant for each other so I'm not sure why I am still fixated on it. So your original post is somewhat therapeutic for me -- reminding me that this happens a lot and though it hurts and sucks I should not take it so personally and continue to carry the weight of it. REMINDER to all of us: There are nice, smart, good-looking people in the world and we will not hit it off with all of them despite their underlying goodness, and it does not mean they or we are no longer nice, smart, and attractive because of that. Hope that makes sense.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  August 1,2009, 9:52am
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NeedAnswers wrote :
I met a guy on another dating website, we really hit it off on our first and second dates - multiple references (by both of us) to things we wanted to do "next time", etc.

Two days after our second date, I called to see if he wanted to grab a casual dinner (he's new in town, thought he could use the company), and he said he was flying out of town for work that afternoon and was going to be gone for a week but we should get together when he's back. I wasn't expecting him to call, but I did email him on a work-related matter (we work in the same field.) He responded promptly, and was like "well, I'll be back next week, so let's get together." So I said ok, but that I was going to be out of town this weekend so we should do it during the week.

He was supposed to have gotten back on Sunday - it's now Tuesday. Last night (Monday) I was excited cause he called - turns out I'm fairly certain it was an accidental dial, cause I kept saying "hello?" and just heard noise in the background. I texted him and said "hey, did you call? No response.

Is this a bad sign? It's now been a week and a half since our last date. And no response to my text. Other worrisome things are, he's still poking around on match every day, and he seems to have recently joined eharmony (like, since we met). Should I call him? Wait for him to call me? I feel like I've initiated every contact we've had, but he's always been responsive. I just dont like being the pursuer, and I know he's a busy guy so I dont want to bug the crap out of him.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
Move on. And if you don't like being the pursuer STOP IT.
 
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