happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #1  July 28,2009, 6:33am
happyquestion's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Sydney, Australia

Posts: 154

See profile

I caught up with a good female friend of mine tonight, she had been dating this "wonderful" Mr-right that she met about a months ago at a party. I can see from the way she talked about him in the past few weeks that she's head over heels about this 'really nice guy'.

When everything seemed to be going all extraordinarily perfect, something came out of left field which left her quite uncomfortable to say the least if not miserable about what's going on.

Over the weekend the guy revealed that he has been planning a trip to Japan for two weeks. According to him the planning of this trip started before they've met, and while he is visiting Japan, he wish to know if she's okay for him to visit his ex who lives there.

What made my friend uncomfortable was to learn that they've met and started dating only one week after this guy broke up with his ex. As far as the reason for his previous breakup, it was due to the expired visa status of that Japanese girl that he was dating, he wasn't comfortable to sponsor his ex to stay further via the means of a marriage or a de fecto relationship, so they parted on amicable terms.

My friend was startled to learn that he also have plans to travel with his ex on this trip.

The guy mentioned to my friend that he does care about what she thinks and will not see his ex if my friend is not okay with that. He assured her that nothing will happen on this trip that he's only going to be friend with his ex.

While he claimed he would respect my friend's decision, if she's not okay for him to do it, he won't see his ex, but in the meantime, he continued to assure her that things are ok, that he really really want to make the trip and travel with his ex, if not traveling at least see her so that he can give her a 30th present...

My friend feels that she's been placed at an awkward position, she doesn't feel very comfortable with the entire situation yet she doesn't feel it is her decision to tell the guy what to do in his life and she doesn't want to over react to the situation. She trust him, but don't know if he's on a rebound...

I give the guy credits for being honest and forthcoming about his intention and came out with his plan, however signs say that it is very possible that he still has a lot of his ex on his mind. Last thing i want to see is my friend getting hurt.

What do you think of the situation and what would you do if you were my friend?
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  July 28,2009, 7:26am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,737

See profile

The trip was not planned to travel around Japan - it was planned to go see his ex and it does not matter one bit whether it was being planned before or after he met your friend.

Yes, there are feelings between him and his ex. The possibility of two people traveling around who have a chemistry and physical attraction between them in addition to friendship without getting re-attached to each other is nil in my opinion.

What I do think is going on is that they had a good relationship that was somewhat clouded by her need for a visa. Him or her or both were perhaps not ready to tie the knot just for that or maybe he was having cold feet and questioning the validity of his relationship. The trip to Japan is essentially to discover the truth. Maybe he'll come back having decided that parting company was the right decision and maybe he'll come back only to end things with your friend and pursue his ex. At this point I doubt that even he truly knows how the cards will fall.
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #3  July 28,2009, 7:29am
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,603

See profile

happyquestion wrote :
I caught up with a good female friend of mine tonight, she had been dating this "wonderful" Mr-right that she met about a months ago at a party. I can see from the way she talked about him in the past few weeks that she's head over heels about this 'really nice guy'. [snipped]


What do you think of the situation and what would you do if you were my friend?
Mr. Right is around these boards here somewhere. Maybe he can answer from a favorable perspective. It just doesn't seem like something he would do to somebody.
 
  Reply With Quote
Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #4  July 28,2009, 10:20am
Bearwolf102's Avatar

Loveing life

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2009

Frisco TX

Posts: 181

See profile

I would recomend she ask "Check please"!?

The guy clearly thinks he can make it work somehow after letting the girl go back to Japan. He is not just at risk for a rebound he is in full rebound.

Your friend needs to look for a new "Mr Right".

If she thinks this guy is going to come back and be there just for her without any break from his past relationship and going to stay with this other girl...Well come on...

Good luck to her,
Bearwolf102
 
  Reply With Quote
dnnmllr is offline dnnmllr Post #5  July 28,2009, 12:21pm
dnnmllr's Avatar

"Steady my feet in accord with your promise, Let not iniquity lead me"...

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

Pennsylvania

Posts: 1,600

See profile

happyquestion wrote :
I caught up with a good female friend of mine tonight, she had been dating this "wonderful" Mr-right that she met about a months ago at a party. I can see from the way she talked about him in the past few weeks that she's head over heels about this 'really nice guy'.

When everything seemed to be going all extraordinarily perfect, something came out of left field which left her quite uncomfortable to say the least if not miserable about what's going on.

Over the weekend the guy revealed that he has been planning a trip to Japan for two weeks. According to him the planning of this trip started before they've met, and while he is visiting Japan, he wish to know if she's okay for him to visit his ex who lives there.

What made my friend uncomfortable was to learn that they've met and started dating only one week after this guy broke up with his ex. As far as the reason for his previous breakup, it was due to the expired visa status of that Japanese girl that he was dating, he wasn't comfortable to sponsor his ex to stay further via the means of a marriage or a de fecto relationship, so they parted on amicable terms.

My friend was startled to learn that he also have plans to travel with his ex on this trip.

The guy mentioned to my friend that he does care about what she thinks and will not see his ex if my friend is not okay with that. He assured her that nothing will happen on this trip that he's only going to be friend with his ex.

While he claimed he would respect my friend's decision, if she's not okay for him to do it, he won't see his ex, but in the meantime, he continued to assure her that things are ok, that he really really want to make the trip and travel with his ex, if not traveling at least see her so that he can give her a 30th present...

My friend feels that she's been placed at an awkward position, she doesn't feel very comfortable with the entire situation yet she doesn't feel it is her decision to tell the guy what to do in his life and she doesn't want to over react to the situation. She trust him, but don't know if he's on a rebound...

I give the guy credits for being honest and forthcoming about his intention and came out with his plan, however signs say that it is very possible that he still has a lot of his ex on his mind. Last thing i want to see is my friend getting hurt.

What do you think of the situation and what would you do if you were my friend?
You said....."she trust him, but don't know if he's on a rebound". You also wrote, ".....What made my friend uncomfortable was to learn that they've met and started dating only one week after this guy broke up with his ex."

It seems unfortunate that your friend learned he was coming from a recent relationship after your friend and he had already become involved. Otherwise, it would have been reasonable to recognize he needed "down time" to regroup.

I suggest that your friend remind herself that it is only 1 month since they started dating and during this time things should remain "fun", otherwise the relationship may be cheated of the progression that leads to ..... love.

I wish you, and your friend, well.
 
  Reply With Quote
happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #6  July 28,2009, 3:33pm
happyquestion's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Sydney, Australia

Posts: 154

See profile

thanks for the input everyone, it confirmed my gut feel about this. It is likely that the trip to Japan is to validate some feelings he has for his ex.

time to talk to my friend thanks!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Are men as daft as they sometimes seem? | Ask a Dating Expert | The difference of saying "I Love you" makes »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:53am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0