ellablue is offline ellablue Post #1  July 27,2009, 11:45pm
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I am a divorced woman with grow up children. for the last 3 yrs I have been dating an Indian man. He is Americanized but comes from a Traditional Sikh family. He has been married twice to American Women. His parents have been and are currently looking to arrange a marriage. My issue is I recently found out he has a profile on a marriage web site. He advised me that he is only doing it for his parents and I am the one he wants to be with. However, after 3 yrs he is not ready to make a commitment to me other than the promise that he loves me and that this will take time with his parents. I gut tells me that although I love him he has no intentions of taking our relationship to the next level. Please provide your feed back.

Thank you
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  July 28,2009, 9:37am
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He's old enough to have been married twice. He's old enough to tell his parents that he doesn't need their help in finding a relationship.

If he's not really committing to you, then you are just a temporary distraction until he or his parents find someone that he is more interested in.
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #3  July 28,2009, 9:42am
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I have had friends in this situation before. His parents will settle on someone for him and you will be left wondering what happend. Than he will call you and say that he isn't in love with this girl he is married to and he wants to be with you.

Please take my advice spare yourself. If he is still letting his parents make his life choices for him, you need to make a diffrent choice.

Good luck
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  July 28,2009, 10:40am
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I have many Indian friends and all I can say to you is that if he has been married to american women twice, then he and his family are not that traditional.

After three years.....he likes you, he is comfortable with the way things are.....but....does not like you enough to commit and will walk if or when he finds someone better.
 
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ellablue is offline ellablue Post #5  July 28,2009, 10:52am
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He states he is doing it for his parents. That it is there wish to find him someone. I have met his parents many times. However, they continue the search.
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #6  July 28,2009, 11:09am
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Please do yourself a favor. Leave this big child and find yourself someone who values you. He is disrespecting you and they clearly do not aprove of you either. I know that sucks but he has already made a choice. The question is is that ok with you to just be his holdover untill they find him someone they want.

Wouldn't work for me...
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #7  July 28,2009, 12:31pm
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there's a lot of unknowns here. First and foremost, how much of an influence does the parents have of your boyfriend's daily life. Do they support him. Does your boyfriend depend on them for anything?

This maybe one reason why he hasn't cut the strings to the family. They may see him as a failure with his own choice and insist on doing things their way since his way failed twice. He may have no choice but to humor them until he can finally venture out on his own.

However, I think you're gut is telling you the truth that he is not willing to go against the parents. Your gut usually doesn't lie.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  July 28,2009, 1:02pm
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ellablue wrote :
He states he is doing it for his parents. That it is there wish to find him someone. I have met his parents many times. However, they continue the search.
I know this is not something that you want to hear but I'll say it anyway. Since he's had two previous American wives, neither him nor his parents are all that traditional. If his parents are continuing to search for a mate for him and he is allowing it, it's because they all know that you are not "the one." Think about it from a different angle - you've been together for three years - that's a long time - why no marriage proposal forthcoming from him by this point?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #9  July 28,2009, 1:18pm
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[quote=ellablue;689237]I am a divorced woman with grow up children. for the last 3 yrs I have been dating an Indian man. He is Americanized but comes from a Traditional Sikh family. He has been married twice to American Women. His parents have been and are currently looking to arrange a marriage. My issue is I recently found out he has a profile on a marriage web site. He advised me that he is only doing it for his parents and I am the one he wants to be with. However, after 3 yrs he is not ready to make a commitment to me other than the promise that he loves me and that this will take time with his parents. I gut tells me that although I love him he has no intentions of taking our relationship to the next level. Please provide your feed back.




My gut tells me the same as your gut, and the same as the guts of all the other posters have told them!

You've been married. He's been married. You're old enough to have grown children. You know the score.

The only reason I can see being with him is if you yourself don't want to remarry. But if you do, stop wasting your time with him.

Wise up!
 
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pukeko is offline pukeko Post #10  July 28,2009, 3:33pm
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indians are very traditional and they tend to stick to their own root. i would say be conscious of your relationship, keep assessing and reassessing your relationship, pay real close to the parent's want....mostly like the parents always and i stress always get what they want.

but first go watch the movie "the namesake"
 
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