hanover84 is offline hanover84 Post #1  July 27,2009, 3:25am
hanover84's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

To make a long story short...been dating my boyfriend over 6 years. We live apart. We have decided to move in next year to see if we can all(myself and my two younger children-11 and 16) live together under one roof before we tie the knot. He has much older children who live with there mother. Here is the issue, for the past 6 years my daughter and him have had issues with each other. She is now going to therapy hopefully to resolve these issues. If we move in with him next year and things don't work out and I will have to make some decisions. I am torn right now. This person I love and adore but he can be very harda@# to be with at times and he knows it. He knows he wants to marry me but doesn't want to jump in and get married and then have relationship issues with my kids, possibly me,etc. and then our marriage fail and end in divorce..He is "paying the price" for his past failed marriage and doesn't want to go down that road again and be another divorce stat. So, should I move on or move in?
 
  Reply With Quote
happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #2  July 27,2009, 3:54am
happyquestion's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Sydney, Australia

Posts: 154

See profile

You are the only one who can answer that, do you love him and do you think he loves you? Without trying, will you be comfortable moving on knowing that you will not look back one day and wonder, if that could have worked.

Going to the next stage in a relationship can be a bit daunting facing uncertainties, but if you don't give it a chance, will you end up happy?

The lyric in the song "some say love" said it very well:

It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give. And the soul, afraid of dyin', that never learns to live.

Hope all works out for you
 
  Reply With Quote
tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #3  July 27,2009, 5:07am
tjlpd's Avatar

loves a flirt

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 1,151

See profile

hanover84 wrote :
To make a long story short...been dating my boyfriend over 6 years. We live apart. We have decided to move in next year to see if we can all(myself and my two younger children-11 and 16) live together under one roof before we tie the knot. He has much older children who live with there mother. Here is the issue, for the past 6 years my daughter and him have had issues with each other. She is now going to therapy hopefully to resolve these issues. If we move in with him next year and things don't work out and I will have to make some decisions. I am torn right now. This person I love and adore but he can be very harda@# to be with at times and he knows it. He knows he wants to marry me but doesn't want to jump in and get married and then have relationship issues with my kids, possibly me,etc. and then our marriage fail and end in divorce..He is "paying the price" for his past failed marriage and doesn't want to go down that road again and be another divorce stat. So, should I move on or move in?
You say your daughter is in therapy as she does not get along with him then later you say is is a very harda@@. Is he in therapy? Maybe I am reading something into this but it seems like you are forcing your daughter to accept him but allowing him to be whatever he wants. Just make sure you are not hurting your kids just so you can be with a man who is difficult.
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 27,2009, 5:41am
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,095

See profile

hanover84 wrote :
To make a long story short...been dating my boyfriend over 6 years. We live apart. We have decided to move in next year to see if we can all(myself and my two younger children-11 and 16) live together under one roof before we tie the knot. He has much older children who live with there mother. Here is the issue, for the past 6 years my daughter and him have had issues with each other. She is now going to therapy hopefully to resolve these issues. If we move in with him next year and things don't work out and I will have to make some decisions. I am torn right now. This person I love and adore but he can be very harda@# to be with at times and he knows it. He knows he wants to marry me but doesn't want to jump in and get married and then have relationship issues with my kids, possibly me,etc. and then our marriage fail and end in divorce..He is "paying the price" for his past failed marriage and doesn't want to go down that road again and be another divorce stat. So, should I move on or move in?



Both my husbands have had children. One was very small when we met, one grown. I made it my business to get along with both their kids because I wanted a future with their fathers.

I'm a little concerned he doesn't get along with your daughter. That just sends up a big red flag to me. He's the adult. During your time together, have you done things as a family? Going to the zoo, amusement parks, ball games, etc.?

Is he the first man you dated since your husband? I'm looking for an excuse here for what your daughter has against him.

I have known people who didn't get along with SO children. But since I've been in the same boat (twice) and managed to do that, I have always thought it should be the adult to turn things around.

I believe there really are people who can't love someone else's children as their own. I think the kids know that...
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  July 27,2009, 5:46am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,266

See profile

Living in will not solve your problems, except having a warm body next to you more. Trial live in periods statistically do not work, when he has no incentive or inclination to make a commitment to you or your kids. He is taking a no-risk approach here...... Hey play wife to me, make all the sacrifices and maybe I'll see if I want you. ....if not, oh well, you and your kids get kicked to the curb. He's an adult, your daughter is a child and he needs to grow up about that, more so than twisting hear innocent head around his being a baby. Think long and hard before you and your children take this guy up on his "trial offer". You will loose all, he gets a maid, dinner and a warm bed for free for a while
hanover84 wrote :
To make a long story short...been dating my boyfriend over 6 years. We live apart. We have decided to move in next year to see if we can all(myself and my two younger children-11 and 16) live together under one roof before we tie the knot. He has much older children who live with there mother. Here is the issue, for the past 6 years my daughter and him have had issues with each other. She is now going to therapy hopefully to resolve these issues. If we move in with him next year and things don't work out and I will have to make some decisions. I am torn right now. This person I love and adore but he can be very harda@# to be with at times and he knows it. He knows he wants to marry me but doesn't want to jump in and get married and then have relationship issues with my kids, possibly me,etc. and then our marriage fail and end in divorce..He is "paying the price" for his past failed marriage and doesn't want to go down that road again and be another divorce stat. So, should I move on or move in?
 
  Reply With Quote
Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #6  July 27,2009, 6:25am
Genie57's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Chicago

Posts: 183

See profile

Maybe I am missing something in what you said - and you can't let your children control your love life - but here goes:

Your children are young and should be the most important thing. I repeat, your children should be the most important thing. I know as adults we all want and need to be loved too - but YOUR CHILDREN ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. They are young. If they were adults I would say they would have to figure it out and I would move on.

You seem to have some issues with this man as well and he clearly has issues with your children - or just your daughter. Ask yourself this question: Is this relationship more important to me than my children??? It's not a dumb question.

I would never move in with someone "to see if we can all live together" when we can't even make things work out with the children and we aren't living together. Living together is not going to just magically make things better.
 
  Reply With Quote
flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #7  July 27,2009, 10:22am
flowerchild66's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 336

See profile

tjlpd wrote :
You say your daughter is in therapy as she does not get along with him then later you say is is a very harda@@. Is he in therapy? Maybe I am reading something into this but it seems like you are forcing your daughter to accept him but allowing him to be whatever he wants. Just make sure you are not hurting your kids just so you can be with a man who is difficult.
+1
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  July 27,2009, 10:46am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

I don't think I'd move in together (or marry) in that situation. For you, there's the potential problem of your kids having a bad experience living with him. For him there's the potential of 'paying the price' for another divorce. Why not wait until the kids are out of the house? Of course, another option is simply ending the relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
emerraald is offline emerraald Post #9  July 27,2009, 11:01am
emerraald's Avatar

is happy.

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 197

See profile

No way should you move in with him without getting married. Your children are always going to be your children, they grow up and move out. He is the adult, not your daughter. Follow your instints on this, you are already are having second thoughts.
good luck whatever you do.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  July 27,2009, 11:01am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,266

See profile

No, you are paying the price for is failed marriage, with his bitterness
hanover84 wrote :
To make a long story short...been dating my boyfriend over 6 years. We live apart. We have decided to move in next year to see if we can all(myself and my two younger children-11 and 16) live together under one roof before we tie the knot. He has much older children who live with there mother. Here is the issue, for the past 6 years my daughter and him have had issues with each other. She is now going to therapy hopefully to resolve these issues. If we move in with him next year and things don't work out and I will have to make some decisions. I am torn right now. This person I love and adore but he can be very harda@# to be with at times and he knows it. He knows he wants to marry me but doesn't want to jump in and get married and then have relationship issues with my kids, possibly me,etc. and then our marriage fail and end in divorce..He is "paying the price" for his past failed marriage and doesn't want to go down that road again and be another divorce stat. So, should I move on or move in?
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Just an excuse or a legitimate reason? | Ask a Dating Expert | Are men as daft as they sometimes seem? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Calling out an S.O.S.-To move or not to move BellaRose Ask a Dating Expert 16 December 13,2010 11:51am
Making the First Move American_Girl Dating 15 August 25,2009 8:16pm
What is my next move?? Yasmin21 Dating 13 June 16,2009 6:34am
Should I move on?? SJL57 Ask a Dating Expert 5 June 12,2009 7:30am
What's my next move? Armygui Dating 8 May 30,2009 3:04am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:46am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0