vocali24 is offline vocali24 Post #1  July 26,2009, 9:43pm
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I met a guy on E-Harmony and we hit it off right away. It seemed way too good to be true and we talked for hours on the phone and shared so many common interests. I was so pleased with the match that E-Harmony found for me and we eventually met and had our first date. Our first date was PERFECT - couldn't have even made up a better date. Brought me a single rose, opened doors, had a great dinner, went out for drinks and pool aftewards and then stayed in and watch a movie. The next morning, he was headed down to a friend's wedding five hours away and would call me during the wedding to tell me that he just wanted to hear my voice and missed me already. It was cute, perfect, and we had so much potential. He told me he really wanted to come back up and see me when the wedding was over, and we planned for that.

A little background info is important to understand what I am about to say... I am pursuing a career in law enforcement, which he knew about me from day one. His family is in law enforcement and he said it was respectable and admirable that I wanted to be a cop.

Anway, About fifteen minutes AFTER he was supposed to be here, I get a text message saying that his brother has been in trouble with the law and he thinks it will be damaging to my career and this will not work out. I immediately call him and tell him that I am not going to judge him for what my brother has done, but he insists that he is embarrassed about it and feels that it is not fair to me.

Basically, I told him that his excuse was a huge cop out. If his brothers actions were such a big deal to him, wouldn't it have been a red flag from the beginning of our communication that I wanted to be a cop? I feel like I got the short end of the stick, and of course he will not explain himself any further. To me, this sounds like a bogus excuse - but there were no signs of anything going bad and he went out of his way to call me and tell me how much he liked me.

What do you think? Just an excuse or is he legitimately concerned about his brother's criminal record on my career? I could really use all of the help I can get, I really liked this guy.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  July 27,2009, 11:08am
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vocali24 wrote :
I met a guy on E-Harmony and we hit it off right away. It seemed way too good to be true and we talked for hours on the phone and shared so many common interests. I was so pleased with the match that E-Harmony found for me and we eventually met and had our first date. Our first date was PERFECT - couldn't have even made up a better date. Brought me a single rose, opened doors, had a great dinner, went out for drinks and pool aftewards and then stayed in and watch a movie. The next morning, he was headed down to a friend's wedding five hours away and would call me during the wedding to tell me that he just wanted to hear my voice and missed me already. It was cute, perfect, and we had so much potential. He told me he really wanted to come back up and see me when the wedding was over, and we planned for that.

A little background info is important to understand what I am about to say... I am pursuing a career in law enforcement, which he knew about me from day one. His family is in law enforcement and he said it was respectable and admirable that I wanted to be a cop.

Anway, About fifteen minutes AFTER he was supposed to be here, I get a text message saying that his brother has been in trouble with the law and he thinks it will be damaging to my career and this will not work out. I immediately call him and tell him that I am not going to judge him for what my brother has done, but he insists that he is embarrassed about it and feels that it is not fair to me.

Basically, I told him that his excuse was a huge cop out. If his brothers actions were such a big deal to him, wouldn't it have been a red flag from the beginning of our communication that I wanted to be a cop? I feel like I got the short end of the stick, and of course he will not explain himself any further. To me, this sounds like a bogus excuse - but there were no signs of anything going bad and he went out of his way to call me and tell me how much he liked me.

What do you think? Just an excuse or is he legitimately concerned about his brother's criminal record on my career? I could really use all of the help I can get, I really liked this guy.
Maybe I don't understand how this works, but why would his brother's record have anything to do with your career? You aren't related to him, and they are going to be interested in YOUR record and YOUR actions, and not his. You can't be responsible for the choices of other adults around you.

I think it's a cop out, no pun intended. I think he either got cold feet or perhaps met someone else who he wanted to pursue. For whatever reason, if this is all he's going to give you, you're better off to move on.

Good luck to you!
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #3  July 27,2009, 12:00pm
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I have to say that i have actually seen this before, several times. A Friend works in the prison service and guys sometimes cool off a bit when they start to panic about any shady stuff they might be doing.
There is also the possibility of catching hell from less than squeaky clean friends or family members if you bring a cop into the fold.

My brother has a record as long as my arm yet i do a job that requires a home office criminal records check. In the past i've done other jobs in security that require extensive background checks. The record of any friend or family member does not affect those checks because they are not my records. So yes, the whole "It might affect your career" is a total cop out, pardon the pun but it is the most appropriate phrase.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  July 27,2009, 12:28pm
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He met some else, at the wedding, if that's even where he was. He probably sneaked off to call just in case he wasn't getting any luck at the wedding. The only thing in his story that could possibly have a ring of truth is: that if the story about the brother's arrest is true, then he is a con man just like his brother. More likely, the whole thing is manure, including the brother story, he used that because of the law enforcement thing. Be glad you are rid of this pathological liar and player
vocali24 wrote :
I met a guy on E-Harmony and we hit it off right away. It seemed way too good to be true and we talked for hours on the phone and shared so many common interests. I was so pleased with the match that E-Harmony found for me and we eventually met and had our first date. Our first date was PERFECT - couldn't have even made up a better date. Brought me a single rose, opened doors, had a great dinner, went out for drinks and pool afterward and then stayed in and watch a movie. The next morning, he was headed down to a friend's wedding five hours away and would call me during the wedding to tell me that he just wanted to hear my voice and missed me already. It was cute, perfect, and we had so much potential. He told me he really wanted to come back up and see me when the wedding was over, and we planned for that.
A little background info is important to understand what I am about to say... I am pursuing a career in law enforcement, which he knew about me from day one. His family is in law enforcement and he said it was respectable and admirable that I wanted to be a cop.
Anyway, About fifteen minutes AFTER he was supposed to be here, I get a text message saying that his brother has been in trouble with the law and he thinks it will be damaging to my career and this will not work out. I immediately call him and tell him that I am not going to judge him for what my brother has done, but he insists that he is embarrassed about it and feels that it is not fair to me.
Basically, I told him that his excuse was a huge cop out. If his brothers actions were such a big deal to him, wouldn't it have been a red flag from the beginning of our communication that I wanted to be a cop? I feel like I got the short end of the stick, and of course he will not explain himself any further. To me, this sounds like a bogus excuse - but there were no signs of anything going bad and he went out of his way to call me and tell me how much he liked me.
What do you think? Just an excuse or is he legitimately concerned about his brother's criminal record on my career? I could really use all of the help I can get, I really liked this guy.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #5  July 27,2009, 12:29pm
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Here's a good question. Why does it matter?

The end result is still the same, he doesn't want to date you. I know you want to feel like what he's doing is justified and maybe thats why he's giving you this excuse.

The end result is the same, you are still single. There is no reason to dwell on this further.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #6  July 27,2009, 2:33pm
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Yeah, it's a crock. His brother could be a serial killer and it wouldn't effect your career. For whatever reason, he lied. Forget about him.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  July 27,2009, 2:47pm
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I agree with the others, and your own assessment.
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Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #8  July 28,2009, 11:46am
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Complete, total and utter BS; the idea that he met someone at the wedding isn't all that far of a stretch, actually.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #9  July 28,2009, 12:08pm
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being a cop will pose issues for your dating life. in addition to people not being squeaky clean or having un-squeaky folks in their lives, there are class issues.
 
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