Confused!! Warning: this is LONG


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SaugaGirl is offline SaugaGirl Post #1  July 26,2009, 5:48pm
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I have been dating this guy I met on EH for about 3 months we talked /text before that everynight for a month. We had instant chemistry, and although we both wanted to start off as friends, it didn't work out that way. We had a few normal issues, but one recurring one was his ex. They have a mutal friend and see/talk to eachother quite often, I'd be okay with that if she didn't have feelings for him.

I brought it up earlier and he said he feels nothing for her, but wouldn't let the friendship go as she isn't very social and has a hard time making friends. I let it go, but she often called when we were out together which I found very annoying!

Regardless we always had an amazing time together, never did we have an akward moment, we just clicked in every way and that's never happened to me before so I fell, face first in love after a month (too fast I know) but it happened and now he's been facing a lot of family problems which have taken him away from me, it's been three weeks since I last saw him we talked/texted but it's falled apart, I tried to break it off but he always called back and said to give him time...I've been patient I even emailed him and told him what's been going on, how I was feeling and how we could make it work if he wanted to try he would call but tell me he hadn't thought about it yet.

My patience ran out and I told him it was over, all I had wanted was an answer and although he was willing to give me one in person (WHEN he could fit me into his schedule) he wouldn't tell me over the phone so I sat around waiting and crying as my heart broke. I sent him one last text and he called me and said we needed to meet one last time. I said no, it's done and over what is the point in reopening the wound...so he called me last night and told me he was so sorry but that he had so much going on with family (which he has explained to me earlier, but really you couldn't pick up the phone and say, gimme some time ...etc) and that what we had was special and that he thinks we should give it another go.

I want to because I'm love with the fool, but he hardly has time for me and the ex needs to go! I'm at a loss, does he really want to try or was it just easy for him because we hung out and I never complained about his lack of time/attn to me?
Last edited by SaugaGirl; July 26,2009 at 6:51pm.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  July 26,2009, 6:32pm
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S,

You are right. This is very long. And structured the way it is, no one is probably going to even try to read it.

You need to break it up into (short) paragraphs with white space between them so that the eye can track.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #3  July 26,2009, 6:39pm
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With him working two jobs and other family obligations, the murky relationship with the ex, and living an hour apart, it doesn't look like you'll get what you want or need from this relationship.

If you want to try again though, can you do it on those terms and only take what he can offer ? If not, you need to walk away.
 
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SaugaGirl is offline SaugaGirl Post #4  July 26,2009, 6:52pm
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Sorry Hazmat, you read the crazy long version, but thank you for your response. That's how I feel, but I love the man so it's hard to walk away
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #5  July 26,2009, 7:08pm
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SaugaGirl wrote :
Sorry Hazmat, you read the crazy long version, but thank you for your response. That's how I feel, but I love the man so it's hard to walk away

I like to read

Good luck with your decision.
 
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drewman is offline drewman Post #6  July 26,2009, 8:19pm
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Don't let your heart do the talking for you.

He didn't even give you the dignity of a short phone/text for weeks; seemed like everything was on his terms and showed during those weeks, he's not that into you; if he were, he'd been on that phone or texting you within reason; not disappear for weeks....no.

He didn't however. Sounds like a player to me.

Best Wishes whatever you do.
 
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Redlady2 is offline Redlady2 Post #7  July 26,2009, 11:26pm
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Hey, have you read the book, "He's just not that into you" I was where you were for 3 years. There wasn't an ex wife but there was work and A LOT of other excuses. But he said he loved me and wanted to work it out...and then...more excuses, more reasons why. We all have issues. The older we get it seems we pick up more issues...because we add children, ex's and just life...but I feel with technology no matter how busy he was there is always time and a way to call. He could have text, He could have emailed, He could have called ...He could have called from home, he could have called from a cell phone. There is no way he did not have a minute in the course of a 24 hour day to call you, to let you know things were crazy right now. If right now he has a lot of family issues then be a man and say that so you can make a choice...Do I choose to wait and take a chance that the issues will soon be gone? or "Do I say I am out of here I don't want to wait around until the drama is over" But by him not calling you to let you know then he took your choice away and that kept you sitting around heart broken and crying. My personal take on issues like this is...There is never, ever, ever a reason why a man can't call you unless he is dead or he can not remember his life as he knew it. I know you love him but dang is it worth it to wonder when is it your turn constantly? Are you willing to live your life that way? I did for 3 years and it is very hard. Honestly I think you deserve better. I think you deserve every part of him not just what he is willing to give at any given moment. Like I said it took me 3 years to figure that out...and now I won't accept anything less than what I want. Good Luck
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  July 27,2009, 8:06am
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You like playing second fiddle to his "ex", (if she really is that, during his disappearances). He encourages her, trust me.She's not annoying, he is, by doing this in your face. I'm sure he tells you all about what's wrong with her, and tells her you are just something he's dating. He's a player and has already let you know, for sure, he's not a one woman man. He enjoys the imaginary cat -fight you two are having over him..what an ego-trip for him (at your expense) Here's a thought...Guess why she got rid of him
drewman wrote :
Don't let your heart do the talking for you.
He didn't even give you the dignity of a short phone/text for weeks; seemed like everything was on his terms and showed during those weeks, he's not that into you; if he were, he'd been on that phone or texting you within reason; not disappear for weeks....no.
He didn't however. Sounds like a player to me.

Best Wishes whatever you do.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #9  July 29,2009, 4:28pm
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Redlady2 wrote :
Hey, have you read the book, "He's just not that into you" I was where you were for 3 years. There wasn't an ex wife but there was work and A LOT of other excuses. But he said he loved me and wanted to work it out...and then...more excuses, more reasons why. We all have issues. The older we get it seems we pick up more issues...because we add children, ex's and just life...but I feel with technology no matter how busy he was there is always time and a way to call. He could have text, He could have emailed, He could have called ...He could have called from home, he could have called from a cell phone. There is no way he did not have a minute in the course of a 24 hour day to call you, to let you know things were crazy right now. If right now he has a lot of family issues then be a man and say that so you can make a choice...Do I choose to wait and take a chance that the issues will soon be gone? or "Do I say I am out of here I don't want to wait around until the drama is over" But by him not calling you to let you know then he took your choice away and that kept you sitting around heart broken and crying. My personal take on issues like this is...There is never, ever, ever a reason why a man can't call you unless he is dead or he can not remember his life as he knew it. I know you love him but dang is it worth it to wonder when is it your turn constantly? Are you willing to live your life that way? I did for 3 years and it is very hard. Honestly I think you deserve better. I think you deserve every part of him not just what he is willing to give at any given moment. Like I said it took me 3 years to figure that out...and now I won't accept anything less than what I want. Good Luck
I agree, there is almost no good reason for not contacting someone. I actually had a date on Friday and he called me just as I was heading out of work to meet him. He was in a car accident! He had whiplash so his neck hurt and the ambulance was taking him to the hospital and he had the thought to text me and tell me that he couldn't make the date.
In this case, he actually DID have a good reason for no contact but he still made the effort to get hold of me to let me know what happened. Even though he was hurt, he didn't want to leave me hanging. That's thoughtfulness.
 
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kittencaboodle is offline kittencaboodle Post #10  July 29,2009, 7:03pm
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I'm no expert, I have my own dating problems but you have to consider your needs here and it sound like you want and deserve someone who will be there for you when you need him, not when he decides he needs you. I hate to hear anyone break their heart more than once over the same guy.
 
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