Drea is offline Drea Post #1  July 22,2009, 4:46pm
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So I am 30 just a few months from 31, single and filling it more and more every day especially my biological clock! I think I am a attractive girl yet I haven't been on a date in almost 3 years. The thing is I'm overweight. I dress very trendy and even though bigger I still look very well put together. Though I haven't had many chances to date over the past few years it seem like the few guys I have been interested in just see me as the "friend" and it's very frustrating. I am always being told that I'm pretty, funny and have a great personality so I'm like what's the problem? Is their any guys out there at all who are attracted to big girls? I see girls my size and bigger with guys all the time. I just don't get it. And as for my matches about 50% have closed me out. I know you have to be attracted to the person you want to be with but and I honestly not attractive to ANY guy in the world? Seriously, it feels like this at times. What's a girl to do to find "the one" before it's too late to have kids? This on line dating doesn't seem to be any easier than real life.

I'm begining to wonder whatever happened to arranged marriages
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #2  July 22,2009, 6:10pm
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Hi Drea and welcome to the boards!

Being closed by 50% of your matches is NOT bad at all, trust me. I think if you haven't dated in 3 years, maybe you should go out on dates even with guys who you may not find attractive from their profile but their profile still interest you. Maybe your narrowing down your pool too much and you need to get out

I have to admit that many guys as well as us women do make snap judgments about looks on profiles. I am sure you have closed people who you didn't find attractive for one reason or another.

In our About You, you can feel free to post your profile and we can look it over. Also try joining activities that interest you in other websites.

If you say the guys see you just as a friend, ask them why is that? Also there are websites of men who are looking for BBB, so that is an option also.

Don't despair is hard to date for everybody, young old, divorced, never married, w or w/o kids at 20 or 30 or 50!

Good luck!!
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #3  July 22,2009, 6:13pm
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Drea wrote :
The thing is I'm overweight.
Also if you feel that is the 'problem' then you know what is your solution, but I think the more you know yourself and love yourself for who you are, the more people will too
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  July 22,2009, 6:55pm
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Hi Drea,

First of all - you look gorgeous! Your eyes look somewhat like mine - a freakey coninsidence? Right...

Second of all - if you don't want to be lonely, DON'T BE!!!
Lonely is not about being with a man. You can be with a man and feel much lonelier than being single, because you feel trapped, unless you are with the right man, for you - he does not need to be right for anyone else or by anybody else's standards (including mine).

Be who you want to be. Be around people you want around you. This is the only way I know how to find that "comfortable fit", and with the added advantage of having a great fun time in the process.

Personally, I never believed I could find the right fit through online dating, but I'm glad I've given it a try or I wouldn't be here today. And what would all the lovely people of planet eHA do on their stange but amazingly interesting planet without my Lunar Love and occasional (even if accidental) words of wisdom from the Moon, accompanied by lots of Ice Cream?

I'm not traditional or conventional by most people's standards. And I think I might have just found the right fit, by the same non-traditional and non-conventional standards. There are a lot of pages in that book to read yet, and I can't wait to read every letter of it, but not online...

All I'm really trying to say is try to do what's right for you and stay true to who you are. If you feel you need to lose weight, for youself - go for it. If you don't - don't. The right man will not choose you for you weight. Your weight is bound to change and fluctuate throughout the course of your life, and for many different, valid reasons. The right man's love should not be related to that phenomenon, even in the slightest. It can be a great support to you, that's about all, in this context.

And you never know what's written in the next chapter in the book of the Stars, the Moon, the Sun, not to mention the Eclipses. So, please don't ever lose Hope - it's the most powerful weapon we have in life, along with Love, Care, Kindness and Compassion - for ourselves and each other.

Good Luck from the bottom of my heart and the top of my mind!
 
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the1kaiser is offline the1kaiser Post #5  July 22,2009, 7:00pm
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I know what you mean Drea, you wish people of the opposite sex, that you are attracted to, could see you the way you see you and see you externally what you are internally (ok, that's confusing). All I can say is use it, if you are unhappy with men closing you out because you think you are too overweight, then use it as fuel to lose the weight... make them WANT to be with you because you all of a sudden lost the weight. Make your outside match the beauty on the inside, do what ever you need to to make yourself feel more happy and complete. It sounds vindictive but picture yourself laughing at the people you "aren't good enough for" it's worked wonders for me, lol!

I am not saying that changing yourself for anyone is a good thing, but improving yourself to have a better outlook on yourself and your life is an excellent thing. If you have to use some rejection as fuel to help you do so, then go for it! Just make sure it's what YOU want.
 
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Josh_81 is offline Josh_81 Post #6  July 22,2009, 7:43pm
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Drea,

Letting us see your profile info might help. Plus, could you fix the red eye in your photo?

Being a guy, I have no problems with weight when I search matches. Recently, I took up running just to make myself fit into a smaller size clothing; if anything it helped with my confidence, but so far it has yet to really work.

I get a ton of closed and no responders on Eharmony. Makes me wonder if anyone gets dates on this site.

As for arranged marriages, that is a terrible way to live. Besides that stuff usually happens in Korea or India where they are xenophobic or class oriented anyhow. Our country is way too diverse for that kind of thing. We represent the world, I think.

However, saying that, I think it is harder to find your true match in our consumerist, barely religious, and work-aholic society.

The reason we have problems with marriage/relationships/dating, in my opinion, is that unlike Europe, we drive 90% of the time. We don't meet in the plaza on Saturdays to people watch.

We hate our jobs; we drink to get drunk; our sense of community is only for the elderly or for children; we are highly individualistic; we are obssessed with our appearances based on TV models who nearly starve themselves (I like a girl with an appetite, not some carrot munching rabbit).

Anyhow, before I ramble off, I say welcome to the forums. Internet dating, as I see it, is a bit like playing the lottery Power Ball.

Hope you find your special someone, and don't forget to write us if you do. I think we could all use some encouragement. I know I do.

Josh
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  July 22,2009, 7:54pm
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Here is a somewhat provocative follow up question directed at every one here, and one in particular:

WHAT ARE *YOU* WAITING FOR?

The sign from the Sun, the Moon and the Stars happened yesterday...
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 22,2009 at 7:55pm. Reason: Could it be the lucky 7?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #8  July 22,2009, 8:02pm
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the1kaiser wrote :
I All I can say is use it, if you are unhappy with men closing you out because you think you are too overweight, then use it as fuel to lose the weight... make them WANT to be with you because you all of a sudden lost the weight. Make your outside match the beauty on the inside, do what ever you need to to make yourself feel more happy and complete. It sounds vindictive but picture yourself laughing at the people you "aren't good enough for" it's worked wonders for me, lol!

I am not saying that changing yourself for anyone is a good thing, but improving yourself to have a better outlook on yourself and your life is an excellent thing. If you have to use some rejection as fuel to help you do so, then go for it! Just make sure it's what YOU want.
+1

If you were comfortable with your weight maybe you wouldn't see it as the cause why you can't meet people.

kaiser is correct. Put in some effort to losing weight. The time you spend getting exercise is that much more time you won't be thinking about being alone.

Self-improvement is always a good thing.
 
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Drea is offline Drea Post #9  July 22,2009, 8:51pm
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First of all I need to say thank you to IcecreamMoon - No one has ever said I was gorgeous. So thank you. And second - Josh_81, I know all about the red eye...every picture I have ever taken has red eye even without a flash....creepy I know so best I could do was a black and white pic.

So I just want to clarify two things, first, I know I stated "Nobody wants to be lonely" because they don't. I never meant to imply that I wasn't content with my life or felt like I need a man in my life to make me happy because I don't. I am very happy but I do get very lonely at times for lack of companionship and someone to spend my life with.
And second, I know I am overweight and those are the facts. I actually have a disorder that affects my wieght. It's daily struggle to maintain the wieght I am at and not GAIN wieght. I am a very healthy eater and I exersise on a regular basis 3 to 5 times a week. Just because someone is overweight does not mean they are unhealthly or they don't take pride or care about their bodies because that is not true.

I just have to assume that it's my wieght that is holding me back from having a relationship because I know it's not my sparkling personalityhaha.
Seriously though, I guess the whole wieght issues and dating is something I'm going to have to work on one step at a time.

IcecreamMoon - This statement seriously brought tears to my eyes : The right man will not choose you for you weight. Your weight is bound to change and fluctuate throughout the course of your life, and for many different, valid reasons. The right man's love should not be related to that phenomenon, even in the slightest. It can be a great support to you, that's about all, in this context.

I really appreciate everyones comments and suggestions. I'm honestly taken aback on how many people have responded. You all have gave me some great feedback and a lot of different prepectives to go on.

Oh and one more thing Josh_81. I was so not serious about the whole arranged marrige comment, I was just trying to lighten the mood
Last edited by Drea; July 22,2009 at 9:10pm.
 
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Josh_81 is offline Josh_81 Post #10  July 22,2009, 9:11pm
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Yeah, I knew you were not serious about arranged marriages; I just wanted to comment on it after discussing those kinds of things recently with friend.

Black and white photo looks good.
 
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