pa88 is offline pa88 Post #1  July 21,2009, 7:39pm
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I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months. I really have fell in love with him and care deeply about him. The problem is that I'm not feeling that importantin his life. He says he loves me but we haven't exactly had a very social relationship. We usually stay at his house and do something. I don't know if he doesn't want to be seen with me or what. I kinda feel he likes that "single guy attention" that he's used to getting and fears losing that. And definately he doesn't put near as much as I do into the relationship. He swept me off my feet at first and now he acts kinda like I'm bothering him. I have been VERY good to him (understatement!). And I'm very easy-going- what's the problem?
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #2  July 21,2009, 11:36pm
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pa88 wrote :
I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months. I really have fell in love with him and care deeply about him. The problem is that I'm not feeling that importantin his life. He says he loves me but we haven't exactly had a very social relationship. We usually stay at his house and do something. I don't know if he doesn't want to be seen with me or what. I kinda feel he likes that "single guy attention" that he's used to getting and fears losing that. And definately he doesn't put near as much as I do into the relationship. He swept me off my feet at first and now he acts kinda like I'm bothering him. I have been VERY good to him (understatement!). And I'm very easy-going- what's the problem?
Hi Pa88 and Welcome!

Well, on initial assesment you do sound a little confused. The thing about confused - it's rarely easy-going, which may just be the problem!

From where I see it, the problems exist mainly in that lovely head of yours . Of course, I don't know the full story, but based on limited information provided, I'd say it's time to get un-confused and have some fun with your guy!

The only way you can do that is by addressing the problems you feel exist in your relationship, in a calm and honest manner. And preferably in private, as far away from any discussion boards as possible. I'm almost sure that he does not even realize you are having certain problems. If you tell him, he will mostly likely do everything possible to correct the situation and set your mind at ease, provided he is a decent human being and a guy who cares about you (and why would he even bother sweeping you off your feet, if he didn't care?).

Whatever you do, do not resort to sneaking around and spying. This will only create additional probems for you two resolve in the future. This approach can ruin trust, and without those 5 letters full of meaning no meaningful relationship can ever exist.

Don't minimize your chances of success, increase them by having open, honest and non-hysterical communication with your partner. Never jump to conclusions based on nothing but ungrounded suspicions and half-truths. And a little faith based on trust has never hurt anyone

Good luck! You two sound like a promissing couple. And I'm sure that with a little open-mindedness, persistence and luck, you can work through your relationship issues.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  July 22,2009, 5:02am
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Maybe you are being a little too good and too easy going. A man will do the minimum that you ask of him. If you don't ask to get out and do stuff, he won't. If you don't plan social things and demand that he join you, he won't. If you are unhappy, then take some initiative to organize the dates and what you do in them and see what happens.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #4  July 22,2009, 5:22am
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DancingFool wrote :
A man will do the minimum that you ask of him. If you don't ask to get out and do stuff, he won't. If you don't plan social things and demand that he join you, he won't.
Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say that some men won't . . . . .

Many men are very different from what is portrayed -- and actually do a great deal for the woman in their life -- without being asked.

I agree that a person of either gender can be too "good" if there is a lack of balance.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  July 22,2009, 10:30am
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You answered your own question: Doormats are not attractive. And just hanging out with him and not expecting him to treat you well is also fueling the problem .He is bored and complacent because you do it all and put up with it all. Plan a real date doing something fun,and stop mothering the guy
pa88 wrote :
I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months. I really have fell in love with him and care deeply about him. The problem is that I'm not feeling that important his life. He says he loves me but we haven't exactly had a very social relationship. We usually stay at his house and do something. I don't know if he doesn't want to be seen with me or what. I kinda feel he likes that "single guy attention" that he's used to getting and fears losing that. And definitely he doesn't put near as much as I do into the relationship. He swept me off my feet at first and now he acts kinda like I'm bothering him. I have been VERY good to him (understatement!). And I'm very easy-going- what's the problem?
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #6  July 23,2009, 5:41pm
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pa88 wrote :
I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months. I really have fell in love with him and care deeply about him. The problem is that I'm not feeling that importantin his life. He says he loves me but we haven't exactly had a very social relationship. We usually stay at his house and do something. I don't know if he doesn't want to be seen with me or what. I kinda feel he likes that "single guy attention" that he's used to getting and fears losing that. And definately he doesn't put near as much as I do into the relationship. He swept me off my feet at first and now he acts kinda like I'm bothering him. I have been VERY good to him (understatement!). And I'm very easy-going- what's the problem?
In a nutshell, the problem is YOU! You have given him all the signals that it is okay to be boring, uninteresting, lazy, and complacent. He is a pretender. He did what he had to in the beginning to "sweep you off your feet". He got tired of being a pretender because it was too much work. Now you are seeing the real HIM. Step one is to quit catering to him. It sounds like you are in an "unfair" relationship as you put in much more than him and he reciprocates very little.

You can take the suggestions other have pointed to but based on what you've told us I suspect that in the end you are wasting your time. He is who he is and you will not be able to change him. His only hope is that after you dump him he may learn a lesson and become a better partner for the next person. For you, though, this relationship is toast. He doesn't respect you and it is unlikely he ever will.
 
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