A Challenge for you guys: Help me turn friend into girlfriend


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jaydub114 is offline jaydub114 Post #1  July 21,2009, 7:21pm
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Ok so sometime in the next couple of weeks i'm gonna spend the day with a friend. Basically, I like her and I want her to like me the in same way. So here's a little bit about of background to help:

The Girl
This girl complains a lot about how her life sucks (it doesnt), but other than that she is cool and down to earth. She smokes (weed), drinks, and likes to party on weekends. She doesn't like to be touched. She's snapped at me before for putting my hand on her waist. I hugged her once by rushing her, had her for a couple secs but she got away (she was laughing though).

Us
Were' in college. She lived down the hall from me but we barely talked for the first couple months. Until one night, I run into her in someone else's room and we find out that we watch most of the same shows. After that we started hanging out some--eating lunch together, talking for hours on end about everything. We became good friends but it dwindled because she started telling me all about her ex bf that she dumped and how she wanted to get back with him but he didnt. I figured I was automatically in the friend zone after that. I even told her that I have a hard time being friends with women especially ones im attracted to. From then on I stopped hanging with her much, ignoring, and neglecting her when she wanted to talk. She picked up on it and gave me back the cold shoulder. I tried to rekindle the strong friendship before school was up but it never really did come back.

Me:
I have a lot problems in the way I handle women. I'm very terrortorial, so if I see a female friend or crush just talking, laughing, and enjoying another guy's presence, I get jealous and ignore them for a while. I'm good at befriending women and getting in their good graces, but I somehow push all of them away at some point or another.

Challenge:
We live in NY. We are going to hang out downtown and definitely going to the Central Park Zoo. I look at this as a fresh start and I don't want to mess up. I want you to tell me how to turn this into a date and make her like me in a romantic way. Or should I not try to turn it into a date and just have fun with a friend? TELL ME!!!

Sorry for the long spiel on such little things, but I was bored.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #2  July 21,2009, 11:15pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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For some strange reason, you remind me of another poster here, who goes by a very well-suited name of OverAnalyzer

Relax, enjoy, have fun being friends, let the cards fall where they may - according to my book - people who have fun together, stay together. The nature of the relationship is best left to the scientific Gods of "sexual chemistry".

One thing that concerns me though is her regular weed smoking. This issue needs to be addressed, and if she plans to continue smoking and turning it into addiction over time (if it's not already), I would leave the relationship, whatever it is, and regardless of how much fun you two are having.

The simple truth is - you are having fun with her weed-affected brain, not with her as she is. What happens if she runs out of all weeds one day? Volcano explosion? maybe, maybe not. I prefer not to find out.

But the good news, weed is not as addictive as other, harder drugs or even alcohol, and if she is willing to quit and you are willing to help her, then it should only be a temporary obstacle.

Good luck!
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  July 22,2009, 3:07am
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You can't "make" someone fall for you. It has to be their decision.

My advice to you is to not worry about it, go have fun, and realize that there are a TON of other attractive, intelligent, single girls out there, so don't worry if this one doesn't work out.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #4  July 22,2009, 3:31am
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Many a men have tried to escape the 'friendzone' ...many have failed, miserably. Hang out with her, but don't ever believe that it will be anything more than it already is.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #5  July 22,2009, 4:21am
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has quickly adapted back to her lazy lifestyle

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It's good that you realize your weakness: you need to work on your being very territorial. Every woman I know will run away from such men, sooner or later in the relationship. Most I know will automatically put such a guy in a friend zone and will never want to start anything romantic with him. It is one of the least attractive attributes for anyone to have, male or female.

People are resourceful: if they want to leave or cheat on you, they will find a way. Unless you are with your partner 24/7 attached to the hip, you need to learn to trust her, unless of course you have proof that she has cheated on you. I don't know if it is true, but I read that Donald Trump cheated with Marla Maples when he was still married with Ivana Trump several times while the three of them were in the same building.
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #6  July 22,2009, 4:41am
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It doesn't sound like you really like her a whole lot. It sounds like you're bored and just looking for a challenge. Even if you could "make" her be your girlfriend, I'd predict that it's not going to last long.

Work on the territoriality thing while you wait for a girl that you *really* like to come along.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  July 22,2009, 4:42am
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When she is telling you about her ex and wanting to get back together with him or she gets angry/upset about you getting into her personal space and touching her - she is telling you loud and clear that you are just a friend. If she is not attracted to you, you can't change it.

Just go and have fun and don't try to force it into a date that she is not expecting. Better yet, find someone who actually likes you to date. Might be much better all around and definitely deal with your jealousy issues. You can't control people's actions.
 
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HarryG is offline HarryG Post #8  July 22,2009, 5:56am
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jaydub114 wrote :
Ok so sometime in the next couple of weeks i'm gonna spend the day with a friend. Basically, I like her and I want her to like me the in same way. So here's a little bit about of background to help:
She already likes you-you are friends. If you are seeking more than that...give it up. All you will do is lose a friend and make yourself more miserable inside. It NEVER works-I found that out the hard way. When you try to "make" anybody into anything, the stop being people and change into objects to be possessed. Don't think for a second that this woman (or any person) won't recognize that and feel insulted.


jaydub114 wrote :
The Girl
This girl complains a lot about how her life sucks (it doesnt), but other than that she is cool and down to earth. She smokes (weed), drinks, and likes to party on weekends. She doesn't like to be touched. She's snapped at me before for putting my hand on her waist. I hugged her once by rushing her, had her for a couple secs but she got away (she was laughing though).
O...K.

1. Complains about life sucking.
2. Uses drugs, booze and escapism (partying) on a regular basis.
3. Doesn't like to be touched.

Not healthy. And you think that with these flags waving that she will make one-half of a stable relationship??

jaydub114 wrote :
Us
Were' in college. She lived down the hall from me but we barely talked for the first couple months. Until one night, I run into her in someone else's room and we find out that we watch most of the same shows. After that we started hanging out some--eating lunch together, talking for hours on end about everything. We became good friends but it dwindled because she started telling me all about her ex bf that she dumped and how she wanted to get back with him but he didnt. I figured I was automatically in the friend zone after that. I even told her that I have a hard time being friends with women especially ones im attracted to. From then on I stopped hanging with her much, ignoring, and neglecting her when she wanted to talk. She picked up on it and gave me back the cold shoulder. I tried to rekindle the strong friendship before school was up but it never really did come back.
So, you basically "dumped" her...and now you expect to have success in winning her affections? By walking away, you did a smart thing. Trouble is-you walked too far away. Not only does she not sound like a potential love interest, she sounds like an ex-friend.

jaydub114 wrote :
Me:
I have a lot problems in the way I handle women. I'm very terrortorial, so if I see a female friend or crush just talking, laughing, and enjoying another guy's presence, I get jealous and ignore them for a while. I'm good at befriending women and getting in their good graces, but I somehow push all of them away at some point or another.
Better fix that issue with being territorial. No one likes to feel that they are someone's property. It's dehumanizing. You do not own the rights to any human being (slavery is illegal, BTW). When someone becomes "yours", its by their own choice. That choice can always be revoked (just look at how many divorced people frequent this Board).
When you give your heart to someone and they do so as well, remember you GIVE your heart..no one takes it and holds it hostage until it capitulates to your whims and desires. Nice that you recognize that your behavior pushes women away. Now fix it.

You are making a MAJOR mistake here (one I made for years...lots of people do): You are ignoring the value of friendship and the gift that you have for making friends. Friends stay for the long haul. Love affairs come and go (until the right one comes along)-but friends are always there for you (and you for them).
jaydub114 wrote :
Challenge:
We live in NY. We are going to hang out downtown and definitely going to the Central Park Zoo. I look at this as a fresh start and I don't want to mess up. I want you to tell me how to turn this into a date and make her like me in a romantic way. Or should I not try to turn it into a date and just have fun with a friend? TELL ME!!!

Sorry for the long spiel on such little things, but I was bored.
Go to the Zoo, enjoy the zoo and enjoy each others company...and DON'T try to do anymore than that. You want to go home tonight with a contended feeling-not shaking your head saying to yourself: "I shouldn't have done that!".

Take your time. You are in College. You only have...the rest of your life to find someone. Relax a bit.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #9  July 22,2009, 6:12am
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HarryG wrote :
She already likes you-you are friends. If you are seeking more than that...give it up. All you will do is lose a friend and make yourself more miserable inside. It NEVER works-I found that out the hard way. When you try to "make" anybody into anything, the stop being people and change into objects to be possessed. Don't think for a second that this woman (or any person) won't recognize that and feel insulted.




O...K.

1. Complains about life sucking.
2. Uses drugs, booze and escapism (partying) on a regular basis.
3. Doesn't like to be touched.

Not healthy. And you think that with these flags waving that she will make one-half of a stable relationship??



So, you basically "dumped" her...and now you expect to have success in winning her affections? By walking away, you did a smart thing. Trouble is-you walked too far away. Not only does she not sound like a potential love interest, she sounds like an ex-friend.



Better fix that issue with being territorial. No one likes to feel that they are someone's property. It's dehumanizing. You do not own the rights to any human being (slavery is illegal, BTW). When someone becomes "yours", its by their own choice. That choice can always be revoked (just look at how many divorced people frequent this Board).
When you give your heart to someone and they do so as well, remember you GIVE your heart..no one takes it and holds it hostage until it capitulates to your whims and desires. Nice that you recognize that your behavior pushes women away. Now fix it.

You are making a MAJOR mistake here (one I made for years...lots of people do): You are ignoring the value of friendship and the gift that you have for making friends. Friends stay for the long haul. Love affairs come and go (until the right one comes along)-but friends are always there for you (and you for them).



Go to the Zoo, enjoy the zoo and enjoy each others company...and DON'T try to do anymore than that. You want to go home tonight with a contended feeling-not shaking your head saying to yourself: "I shouldn't have done that!".

Take your time. You are in College. You only have...the rest of your life to find someone. Relax a bit.
+1

You said it all. Nice post, HarryG.
 
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dradlogan is offline dradlogan Post #10  July 22,2009, 7:13am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
Many a men have tried to escape the 'friendzone' ...many have failed, miserably. Hang out with her, but don't ever believe that it will be anything more than it already is.
Yep, and watchout with girls telling you about her or her friends problems, you don't want to be the problem sack.
Last edited by dradlogan; July 28,2009 at 11:59pm.
 
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