rsxin is offline rsxin Post #1  July 20,2009, 9:09pm
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This is my first post, so be kind. BTW, there are really interesting topics on these forums.

First off, I met this match who I thought shared the same interests, background, etc. Though she only posted a very tiny picture of herself, I did not give it much thought. W

She initiated several lengthy emails (much more like a novel) about her, interests, my interests, etc. Although I thought she gave more information than I needed to read, I thought nothing of it. When we started to talk on the phone, I did sense a feel of chemistry as we just clicked.

Last week we decided to meet for dinner. I thought it went great on both ends (probably better than when I was with my ex-gf). We talked, laughed, etc and gave a hug after dinner. I texted her and said that I enjoyed meeting you and hope we can do this again. The following day she responded saying thank you (with a few funny comments) and that was it. I left a message on her VM a couple of nights ago just saying if we could chat more but no response.

Though I already know the outcome of this (the deadly silent, no response thing), would it be wise to still contact her to hang out sometime down the road -or- move on? Even though I just met this girl, it seems like I knew her all of my life (almost like a best friend). I don't think I ever felt this with any of my past GF's. I know by hanging out sometimes would stick me in the "friends-mode", but I really would like to get to know her more as friend, if something happens, it happens, if not, not...What should I do?

Thanks.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  July 20,2009, 9:28pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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rsxin wrote :
I left a message on her VM a couple of nights ago just saying if we could chat more but no response.

Though I already know the outcome of this (the deadly silent, no response thing), would it be wise to still contact her to hang out sometime down the road -or- move on?
It seems you already tried contacting her and she hasn't responded. Are you asking if you should keep hounding her to try and get her to respond? I think you already know the answer.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 20,2009, 9:48pm
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It is possible she had to leave town in a hurry. A family emergency or something.

Also the voice mail? Sometimes my answering machine gives me problems. It doesn't record, but the people calling think it does, and they leave a message. Then later they want to know why I don't return calls!

I know it's a long shot, and I can see people rolling their eyes now. I'm just saying...
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #4  July 20,2009, 9:55pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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jayjay wrote :
It seems you already tried contacting her and she hasn't responded. Are you asking if you should keep hounding her to try and get her to respond? I think you already know the answer.
I'm going to have to agree with jayjay on this one.

You may have felt a very strong connection with her, which is great, but for some reason it seems that she did not feel that same connection with you. Calling her again at any point wouldn't be a good idea UNLESS she responds to your voice mail message and asks you to do so. To try and maneuver your way into her life as a friend would probably be taken as an underhanded way of trying to get close to her, regardless of your intentions. Moving on is your best option--and just think of the connection you'll have with the woman who reciprocates the way you've described when you feel like you've known her all your life!

Best wishes to you!
 
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learningasigo is offline learningasigo Post #5  July 20,2009, 10:16pm
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This is the kind of thing that just makes me feel bad. I hate to hear this kind of thing. It's one thing to be lame and not know what you're doing - trust me - I see guys all the time in that boat - but for there to be a spark and both seemingly having a great relaxed time - and then no response - just pisses me off to hear that. It's inscrutable and frustrating.

I have seen this before, it's something perverse in the psychology of some women - especially the younger ones. I'm sure it exists in guys - in fact I know it does. Some people get an ego boost out of getting members of the opposite sex to like them - and then they hurt them. In men it's called "Misogyny" - in women it's called "misandry". I had a best friend who was a 'chick magnet'. He got hurt by this one girl and proceeded to use his talents to "punish" the female of the species over the "crime" of that one that had hurt him. I mean he was really mean spirited about it too - he cut them deep!

Either there is some kind of communication problem with this girl not responding to you - or she is just another mean spirited female that probably got hurt in the past in one way or another by some guy.

Shocking, hard to believe - but absolutely real.

Believe it or not!
Last edited by learningasigo; July 21,2009 at 9:38am.
 
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learningasigo is offline learningasigo Post #6  July 20,2009, 10:16pm
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It sounds like he really likes her too - so much that even being her friend - rather than not be with her is still an option. Poor guy has fallen victim to the "dust of broken hearts".

Dude - this story just struck a nerve in me so that I am going to open to you the "archives" and do you a solid!

Well, let's see - out of the old tool bag - what do we got? Hammer of love - nope; the anvil of hard-buttedness - Wow that thing is heavy to carry - effective tho..., got some mileage out of that one I tell you... ...brings back memories... ... ...OH, here it is - the leverage bar of Jealousy. I knew it was in there.

Well, if plutonic friendship is what she wants - she's gonna get it in spades!!! (oh, I really really like this one - it has a beauty, an elegance - and a poetic justice to it all in one.

Thing is - ya gotta use the right tool for the right job! Sometimes the "sincerity screwdriver" or the passion Jackhammer" just won't get the job done. This exact situation calls for the right tool - and from what you've described - the absolutely perfect tool - is the "leverage bar"

Now this is a little bit Machiavellian but there are optional routes to take so it really can be OK. Here's how it goes...

Since you work around her and will likely bump into her - you need to just disappear from her for awhile - no further communication, do not seek to establish contact - Period! (are we clear?) But you need to find ways to sync your schedules so that she sees you around. Great!

Now - you need someone to come into the picture that is a beautiful girl, and you need to start pursuing her - and you need to let Girl #1 see you pursuing her!!!

Now when I say Pursuing, I don't mean half heartedly - I mean this has to be a girl you are really attracted too (this story has two possible outcomes - being with girl #2 is one of the possibilities!)

You may say - how can I just "get" someone hot like that interested in me? - You would be amazed what that little twist of dynamic can do for you. You have just transformed from "desperate guy" - to "Man with a Plan"! There is something about that that is going to change you're whole dynamic!

Remember those times that you were desperate and no matter what you did - nobody wanted you? Remember those times when all the sudden you had a girlfriend and then - all of a sudden all kinds of girls that were blowing you off before were all over you? That is an evidence of one of the most powerful forces in nature. The possessive/jealous nature of women - and used properly - it's a sight to behold!

OK, back to it...

This girl has to be special and hot in your eyes because you have to really emotionally shift over from trying to get back with girl #1 to trying to close the deal with girl #2.

As you begin to court Girl #2 - you may just fall in love and live happily ever after - End of story. outcome = good for you! Plus Girl # 1 will realize that she screwed up and let a great guy like you get away! (just icing on the cake - serve it cold please)

Here's where the real beauty of this technique comes into play - she'll see you with this other girl and what you need to do is be really cool to girl # 1 and start being "friends with her" - let the basis of that friendship be your need of "advice from a female friend" Express to her how much you appreciate her being there for you and also (this is the kicker) tell her about the things you are doing for girl #2. Tell her about how you are planning out "special dates" and whatnot. Let her be your confidant (really let her in and be your friend)

What's important here is that you need to really switch over to friendship mode with her. (something you said you are already willing to do).

The dynamic interplay will astound you! The girlfriend will sense this other girl around as your "friend" and that will put her in high gear!!! The "friend" will see that - and all the subtle scheming machinations that women are capable of will ensue. This thing will heat up fast but everyone (including you) will be pretending that nothing is going on!

You're gonna sooo, thank me when this is over.

When the time is right - SHE (The Friend) - will find a way to secure you as her boyfriend - if things don't make it with that other girl. But don't move on her - even if you go through several girlfriends with her as your "friend".

She'll be crying for mercy!!! Guaranteed! And the universe... ...will once again... ...be as it should be.

Keep us posted bro!

P.S. to all you horrified readers out there! This is the law of the jungle - I didn't make these rules - I just learned the rules of the game and I usually keep them to myself but for some reason this guy's post struck a nerve. This girl needs a "ride on the reading railroad" - Maybe this is exactly what she needs to finally be "conquered" - it'll do her good! Girl #2 - she might end up with our protagonist and live happily ever after - but either way she's in the game and off the shelf.

Poor RXSIN - caught between two women that are competing for his attentions - The universe is again... ...as it should be.

Just gotta play it right bro - the chess board is set - now it's your move! Good Luck!
Last edited by learningasigo; July 21,2009 at 11:31pm. Reason: Givin' em Pearls
 
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rsxin is offline rsxin Post #7  July 20,2009, 11:04pm
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Thanks for the responses. More opinions the better.

I probably won't hounding her at all. She does travel a lot for work and she does have immediate family up north. The possibility of an emergency could be there, but I doubt it. A lot is happening for her(new job that she is unhappy about, new town, trying to find a partner). She is an early sleeper and her cell is also her work phone. Whether it has problems, I have no idea. She is not so tech savvy either. The other predicament is that she works very close to where I work. The chances of me bumping into her during lunch is fairly high...

It is just weird that she makes all of these comments about doing some activities together in the second round of email chat. I know it would scare most men off. She said her past relationships never lasted more than a couple of years. While I still find odd is that an attractive female would find it so hard to maintain a relationship. Don't know if its her ambitious nature, who knows...I've quit trying to figure out what goes on in women's head a long time ago. Do they want the chase? Though I can't speak for all women...

Though I feel that being friends is not the most appropriate way to go, I do feel that she is very genuine, from the outset. Oh well...the confusion persists...I appreciate the comments/advise so far.

Thankfully, I'll be going out with this other match this weekend. We'll see what happens.
 
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Jedi_Scout is offline Jedi_Scout Post #8  July 20,2009, 11:12pm
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People can be weird when dating. They can press hard until they get the other person to get interested, make a move, and then they are no longer interested. I've seen this a few times over the years. Some people just need to know that they have sex appeal and are desirable. Once the "target" validates them, they're off to the next person who can provide the ego stroke.

One of the girls I knew used to keep a lot of guys around her, jerking them around. She was seeing multiple guys at once but none of them knew about each other. She dumped one guy in the middle of finals which really messed with his head. She then sought him out to reestablish a relationship. She got him hooked again, told him that she loved him, got him to say that he loved her and then she dumped again a few weeks later. It was just a game that made her feel sexy, pretty, and important. - It was sad. I think she had severe trust issues with men since her father walked out on her mother.

If you keep pushing to be around this girl it does two things 1) It lets her know that you're willing to let her treat you poorly just so you can be in her presence and 2) It wastes your time and effort on a person who is content to waste your time.

It's too bad things didn't work out the way you had hoped but back off and let it go. The relationship has to matter and be a priority to both parties for it to work. What you're telling us is that it's a priority to you but she is willing to put things on hold.
 
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OrlandoSocrates is offline OrlandoSocrates Post #9  July 21,2009, 6:29am
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You certainly don't want to hound her (looks bad, even if she is still interested but otherwise distracted/unavailable). Wait a few more days, and leave another message. If you have an email address, send a short note. But then that's it!

As for "hanging out as friends". Look deep and understand being friends is not your real intent. You are only setting yourself up for more disappointment. Sure, you might be able to be friends, but in this situation she would need to be the one initiating friendly get togethers. Otherwise you will quickly become frustrated.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  July 21,2009, 6:46am
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This is a brilliant post. Great insight into the mind of some people who, in fact, do "use" dating as an ego boost, as to how many men or women are drooling / after them. Some men and women are always like this. They are the flirts, players, narcissists,etc. Some are like this situationally, the "rebounders" who use the next one in line, not only for an ego boost, but more maliciously, to get back at the ex, or exact anger (meant for the ex) on an unsuspecting man or woman. These are, by far, more dangerous because they don't tell you that and often they don't know themselves that they are in this state. The quest for finding that love is a difficult one. The walking wounded and the self centered ones out there make it hard on everyone.
learningasigo wrote :
This is the kind of thing that just makes me feel bad. I hate to hear this kind of thing. It's one thing to be lame and not know what you're doing - trust me - I see guys all the time in that boat - but for there to be a spark and both seemingly having a great relaxed time - and then no response - just pisses me off to hear that. It's inscrutable and frustrating.

I have seen this before, it's something perverse in the psychology of some women - especially the younger ones. I'm sure it exists in guys - in fact I know it does. Some people get an ego boost out of getting members of the opposite sex to like them - and then they hurt them. In men it's called "Misogyny" - in women it's called "misandry". I had a best friend who was a 'chick magnet'. He got hurt by this one girl and proceeded to use his talents to "punish" the female of the species over the "crime" of that one that had hurt him. I mean he was really mean spirited about it too - he cut them deep!

Either there is some kind of communication problem with this girl not responding to you - or she is just another mean spirited female that probably got hurt in the past in one way or another by some guy.

Shocking, hard to believe - but absolutely real.

Believe it or not!
 
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