blkraven123 is offline blkraven123 Post #1  July 19,2009, 7:07pm
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Hi, I'm new on these forums but not new to eHarmony. First, I think I need to describe the situation. I have met this really great girl whom I like a lot. However, we have a flaw that neither of us can help but is holding us back a bit.

Neither of us are conversation starters. We do okay with Q & A, but not so great with the day to day pass the time stuff. This also seems to keep us from flirting a great deal because there is no real way to segway into that type of conversation. We are both somewhat aloof.

The odd part is we are both very much alike in how we view the world and what we want out of it. Our work ethic coincides, our family values, etc. The only thing i can think of about why I'm having difficulty is because I get tongue tied. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

She loves animals, she rides horses and whats to be a vet (which she is working towards). I on the other hand am a tech person. I like animals as well but I don't know enough to really have a conversation about the medicine of it. I have even thought about having her teach me something or telling stories, but I'm not a great story teller.

We are both so independent that it is tough to offer assistance or allow the other to occupy a niche in our lives.

I don't want to lose her so I am seeking advice on how to start mundane day to day conversations that make the world go round.

Having a serious "I Like/Love you" conversation is not at option at this juncture. So I need something else to think about.
 
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WishingWell is offline WishingWell Post #2  July 20,2009, 11:04am
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I think the key to having enjoyable mundane conversations is genuinely listening and locating some curiosity in your partner's life and interests. "Oooh, you tested a Great Dane for lyme disease? Is that a curable condition? How is it transmitted?"

One question usually leads to another and soon you are engaging in a full-fledged conversation.
Last edited by WishingWell; July 20,2009 at 11:08am.
 
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charlie990 is offline charlie990 Post #3  July 20,2009, 11:24am
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Seems you are on the right track.. explain to her as in your post that you feel you are not a great conversationalist and you are not fully comfortable with the percieved limitation, but you feel there is much in common... I don't think small talk is a critical thing..if the attraction is there it will reveal itself..all you really need to do is be yourself and make the effort to let her know you care ..be prepared to make mistakes .. she will appreciate you more for it ...
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  July 20,2009, 11:50am
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You have a lot in common, you could start there. Family: ask about hers, talk about yours. Everyday things, : food ,music ,hobbies, things to do, places to go. Dreams/Goals: Talk / ask about dream vacation , dream house etc... How was your day? nice general question, just listen, comment and add how yours was. Talk about something other than work, she's not looking for a colleague,who understands her job, she may just to talk about her day and interests.
blkraven123 wrote :
Hi, I'm new on these forums but not new to eHarmony. First, I think I need to describe the situation. I have met this really great girl whom I like a lot. However, we have a flaw that neither of us can help but is holding us back a bit.
Neither of us are conversation starters. We do okay with Q & A, but not so great with the day to day pass the time stuff. This also seems to keep us from flirting a great deal because there is no real way to segway into that type of conversation. We are both somewhat aloof.
The odd part is we are both very much alike in how we view the world and what we want out of it. Our work ethic coincides, our family values, etc. The only thing i can think of about why I'm having difficulty is because I get tongue tied. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met.
She loves animals, she rides horses and whats to be a vet (which she is working towards). I on the other hand am a tech person. I like animals as well but I don't know enough to really have a conversation about the medicine of it. I have even thought about having her teach me something or telling stories, but I'm not a great story teller.
We are both so independent that it is tough to offer assistance or allow the other to occupy a niche in our lives.
I don't want to lose her so I am seeking advice on how to start mundane day to day conversations that make the world go round.
Having a serious "I Like/Love you" conversation is not at option at this juncture. So I need something else to think about.
 
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blkraven123 is offline blkraven123 Post #5  July 21,2009, 3:25pm
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Perhaps you guys are right. Maybe I am just being paranoid. But then again she did say that was one of her biggest worries. That sometimes it wasn't easy to just start a conversation.

Ah well if its meant to be its meant to be. I should just roll with the punches. I'm not invested enough that it would hurt to badly so I'll just wait and see and continue as is. I would be disappointed though, I actually like this woman.

Maybe I'm being influenced by the limited interaction I get to have with the opposite sex due to work constraints. Who knows?
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  July 21,2009, 4:40pm
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Strangely enough, I agree with all of the friendly advice volunteers in this thread.

Conversate about what's important to you, where you see your life going, how you'd like to get there. Discover and develop commonality of values, interests and goals. Not all of them, just some important ones.

Also, do tell each other about interests you do not share, explain why they are important to you. Your friendly partner may not share all your interests, but I'm sure she'll want to learn a little about them, so that she can understand why they are important to you, and therefore understand you better as a person.

But just as importantly, do not make it all serious. Light conersation starters, and even main courses and desserts, are all around us. If you see something funny, talk about it. If you associate something funny with a seemingly non-funny event or observation, share it. Private jokes come from this and they are invaluable. It is an amazing feeling when you are in a room crowded with people, but you are the only two who get the joke. This is how people begin to "get" each other overall.

So, please Conversate, Conversate, Conversate... no period stops. And never forget to laugh and smile in the process!
 
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