Mystified101 is offline Mystified101 Post #1  July 16,2009, 8:12pm
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Hi,
I made a great connection with a man on EHarmony. He did tell me he was not ready to commit yet, which was fine with me. BUT, on our second date, I left to go to the woman's restroom, found a short cut back to the table we were sitting at on the outside patio, and walked up behind him only to find him texting/emailing another woman from his blackberry. I kind of made him jump, he was not expecting me to come from behind him, and he closed up his blackberry in a "snap" and said it was his turn to go to the restroom and took his blackberry with him. Is this really classless? I was fine with us still seeing or dating other people just getting to know each other, but when you are on a date, can't texting another woman wait until you get home??? Shouldn't our date be "all about us" and getting to know one another, etc.? Is this a sign of early on mistrust, because now I feel different about him than I originally did....through our first date and all of our emails back and forth. ALSO, what about PAYING for meals, etc. when you go on first/second dates? The first date he suggested a really nice restaurant and I offered to leave the tip and he said that would be great. The second date he wanted me to pay for half. AFTER that, we were sitting there wrapping up some of our discussions and he asked how we were going to go forward with paying for meals and dates. Wow, I didn't know what to say. It's not like I didn't offer to pay my way...but to hit that up on me on the second date, as well as texting another woman, I was really getting disgusted. Am I being stupid about his...what is the real deal these days about paying for dates? And should I call him on the texting thing or just let it go.....because now I mistrust him already. If it would have been a business email he has to respond to, then he would not have reacted the way he did, he could have just nicely said "Oh, I'm sorry, I had to get back to one of my clients about a work issue".....but I saw the woman's name on his blackberry. What do you people out there suggest?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  July 17,2009, 1:45pm
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His player habits are expensive. So let the date pay while he texts the next one up? Wow....Hopefully the one he was texting will get stuck with the jerk rather than you.
Mystified101 wrote :
Hi,
I made a great connection with a man on EHarmony. He did tell me he was not ready to commit yet, which was fine with me. BUT, on our second date, I left to go to the woman's restroom, found a short cut back to the table we were sitting at on the outside patio, and walked up behind him only to find him texting/emailing another woman from his blackberry. I kind of made him jump, he was not expecting me to come from behind him, and he closed up his blackberry in a "snap" and said it was his turn to go to the restroom and took his blackberry with him. Is this really classless? I was fine with us still seeing or dating other people just getting to know each other, but when you are on a date, can't texting another woman wait until you get home??? Shouldn't our date be "all about us" and getting to know one another, etc.? Is this a sign of early on mistrust, because now I feel different about him than I originally did....through our first date and all of our emails back and forth. ALSO, what about PAYING for meals, etc. when you go on first/second dates? The first date he suggested a really nice restaurant and I offered to leave the tip and he said that would be great. The second date he wanted me to pay for half. AFTER that, we were sitting there wrapping up some of our discussions and he asked how we were going to go forward with paying for meals and dates. Wow, I didn't know what to say. It's not like I didn't offer to pay my way...but to hit that up on me on the second date, as well as texting another woman, I was really getting disgusted. Am I being stupid about his...what is the real deal these days about paying for dates? And should I call him on the texting thing or just let it go.....because now I mistrust him already. If it would have been a business email he has to respond to, then he would not have reacted the way he did, he could have just nicely said "Oh, I'm sorry, I had to get back to one of my clients about a work issue".....but I saw the woman's name on his blackberry. What do you people out there suggest?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  July 17,2009, 1:57pm
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1. He's really rude and classless. At the very least, he's not very discreet.

2. He's not that great of a connection.

3. In all fairness, he said he wasn't ready to commit so you should at least suspect he'd be in contact with other women (just not on your date!) There isn't much to "mistrust" him on as he was upfront about that issue.

My suggestion? Time to move on. The bloom has already wilted on this one.
 
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jcd1968 is offline jcd1968 Post #4  July 17,2009, 2:27pm
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Sounds like a drip to me. When I'm on a date the phone gets left in the car...unless I'm meeting her there. Then it gets turned off as soon as I see her. I invite a woman out, I expect to pay. It's up to her to bring up her desire to share cost.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #5  July 17,2009, 4:56pm
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First off the blackberry should have been left at home as well as a pager unless he is a doctor who is on call or is part of the Presidential Cabinet. As for replying to a text during a date that is just plain rude, crude and sociably unredeeming. Since he clearly lied about the text message and apparently wants to go dutch on all his dates I say to send him packing. Time to move on to a better class of man. Good luck
 
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OpheliaPhair is offline OpheliaPhair Post #6  July 17,2009, 7:11pm
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When we start dating someone we begin by showing our very best attributes first. Dude's best attributes are 1) dishonesty 2) inability to commit his attention to you exclusively EVEN FOR THE DURATION OF A DATE and 3) he isn't generous.

What was your question again?
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #7  July 17,2009, 7:53pm
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OpheliaPhair wrote :
When we start dating someone we begin by showing our very best attributes first. Dude's best attributes are 1) dishonesty 2) inability to commit his attention to you exclusively EVEN FOR THE DURATION OF A DATE and 3) he isn't generous.

What was your question again?
Well said!! This is the courtship phase, where he's supposedly showing you his best side. Can you imagine what he's like when he's relaxed? Sheesh.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  July 17,2009, 11:07pm
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I don't know, I may be wrong, of course... but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions just yet, not until you've had a chance to discuss it calmly and rationally (surprise! ).

He could have been telling the truth - maybe it was a regular business client and he didn't want you to jump to those conclusions (therefore snap close of the berry). Or it may have been a female friend or family member...

Talking calmly and honestly, without accusations seems to work just fine in my life, when faced with a potential problem. I'll take the words and assume them to be true, unless I notice inconsistencies with actions and intentions. I tend to look for repeated patterns of behavior or teling of untruths and try to find out why.

Hope this helps somewhat. Good Luck!
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #9  July 17,2009, 11:44pm
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i don't think it's safe to conclude he was texting *another* woman. however, texting on a date is gross. also, while going dutch is fair on the second date, it's a bad sign and his approach to the topic sounds crass. he gets the big L for loser.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  July 18,2009, 11:50am
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You have another thread on this...I answered there as well.

For those saying give him the benefit of the doubt...she stated in the other thread that she knew the woman's name he'd been in contact with and that was the name she saw on the phone.

I see all kinds of red flags.

1. Why was the issue of committment even on the table. You are strangers. Dating is the process of getting to know someone. That he mentioned this up front would have put me off of even going out with him.

2. Texting another prospect on a date: I don't think so. Texting or talking on the phone at all, unless it is an emergency or a parental issue: no.

3. There are ways to bring up the payment issue without turning it into a focused discussion or negotiation. I generally offer to pay part of the first date. I graciously accept if they say no. I don't hold it against them if they say yes. Second date, I insist on paying. I expect them to graciously accept. Any man who doesn't, I'm not a good match for. I'm not looking for someone to subsidize my lifestyle and my concept of romance isn't tied up with finances. Everyone will have a different opinion on this but I don't view men as "generous" who want to pay for everything. I view them as materialistic. Again...not a good match for me. I'm a huge fan of having equal rights. That means I have the obligation to take on equal responsibility. That's my opinion on paying.

4. You describe him as a "great connection" but until you've spent some time with him you don't actually know this. He may seem like he has great potential, but that's all it is until there's time shared.
 
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