Confused about dating- Stuck on date 2 and 3


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allanmen is offline allanmen Post #1  July 16,2009, 2:44am
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I have to say the dating scene has been confusing and frustrating at the same time. I am a 32 year old male, who is professionally employed, makes a good living, well educated, and independent (has his own home and vehicle). I have a wide variety of interests ranging from travel, to sports, to outdoors, to going out, to learning new things, to home improvements as just some examples, so I do not have a one-track mind when it comes to interests.

I am by no means an athlete (I am above an average build) nor am I a candidate for a modeling contract either. None the less, I am happy with who I am and my accomplishments to date in my life, yet there is still the void in my life in meeting a lady with whom I will eventually spend the rest of my life with.

I receive my matches from the site, review them and decide whether to initiate communication. I receive reponses from some and others not (which there is no issue there). For those who respond, we work through thr process learning more about one another, where we will eventually meet up. Again there are some matches where we do not go through the entire process or the date we go on is the last as there was definately an incompatability, which again, I understand... It happens.

Where the frustration and confusion comes in is the difficulties in going beyond the second and third dates. I feel the first two or three dates are going very well and there seems to be a click and connection. Then without any indication, I receive an email saying that there is no chemistry, not ready for commitments (then find out shortly there after she is in a relationship) or something along those lines. During the dates, I do avoid the faux-pas topics of conversation (sex, mariage, politics, exs, religion, rude/crude topics, etc...), be myself (not to pretend to be someone else), and the venue is a relaxed atmosphere (lounge, casual restaurant, etc...) so there should be no pressure. I just cannot figure out for the life of me why I cannot go beyond 2 or 3 dates in the last few years. Is there something I am doing that I should not be or is there something I am failing to consider and do?

Any input would be greatly appreciated,

Allan
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  July 16,2009, 1:08pm
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The "click and connection" isn't mutual. Sometimes it takes someone a couple of dates to really figure it out. For some reason women like to "give guys a chance" and maybe see them again just in case. I don't get this, but that's how some women are.

Keep in mind that they may consider it being polite to be friendly even when they are not interested. Men often make the mistake of assuming that friendliness is interest.

Really, you just haven't met the right person. As far as details go, no one could really know for sure if you are or aren't doing something.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  July 16,2009, 1:16pm
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Everyone has trouble with dating. Typically, no chemistry means that she is not physically attracted to you. It does not mean that you are an ogre - just that for that particular woman there is no physical attraction. There is really not much you can do about it and it goes both ways - sooner or later you'll meet someone where things do click mutually.

Words of caution would be - be sure that you have not become jaded in your dates - meaning what you do, talk about, etc has become a robot like routine. Don't be so carefull to avoid "hot" topics like politics or religion or whatever - I mean if you don't talk about any of that what's left? The weather? That may make you a bland date. I know that I really dislike it when guys skirt around subjects deliberately and are obvious when doing so - they lose my respect for that. Try to focus more on whether she really is who you are looking for rather than just doing whatever to get to the next date.

Also, after the first date try some activity dates rather than just continuing to go to restaurants and lounges where you have to sit and stare at each other and try to come up with conversation. Activities create things to talk about and start creating a bond between two strangers in a way that pure talk cannot.

Those are just some of my thoughts - it may be that you are a great date, just not having much luck in meeting that one with a mutual click and we all go through those kinds of dry spells - some can be lengthy.
 
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chrlesmd is offline chrlesmd Post #4  July 17,2009, 6:23pm
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Nanette wrote :
The "click and connection" isn't mutual. Sometimes it takes someone a couple of dates to really figure it out. For some reason women like to "give guys a chance" and maybe see them again just in case. I don't get this, but that's how some women are.

Keep in mind that they may consider it being polite to be friendly even when they are not interested. Men often make the mistake of assuming that friendliness is interest.
That's sound advice.

One thing I would add is that, you have to assume that the women you're out on dates with may be dating others at the same time. Don't let it get to you...when it's right, you'll know it. Good luck!
 
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allanmen is offline allanmen Post #5  August 2,2009, 11:50am
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Thanks for your advice!
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #6  August 2,2009, 2:41pm
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In your post, you read as a great guy! However, none of us are able to observe you on a date. I appreciate that you avoid the faux-pas topics...as that would be my preference.

Women appreciate a confident man. Are you a confident man? Do you wear too much cologne? Do you need to update your wardrobe? Are you pushy? Are you a "Debbie Downer?" Is your dialogue filled with expletives?

...just some things to think about. Best of luck!
 
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