he says he can't stand overweight people


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gr8ful is offline gr8ful Post #1  July 15,2009, 11:09am
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ok-here it my dilemma.i have been communicating for a month letters,phone etc. i reread his can't stands and overweight is there. i am a size 14 -pics are up to date not obee but definately overweight now what so i do i am terrified he will hate me right away.should i cancel ? how can i handle this. our communication has been so great i wish i had been more aware of this before i really got here..my fault i know HELP
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 15,2009, 2:28pm
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It is in my opinion long odds, but you can hope that his definition of overweight is so extreme as to not include you, and go forward with this person and hope for the best.
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  July 15,2009, 2:28pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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He is certainly aware of his own attitude regarding this. Hasn't he seen a photo(s) of you on your profile so he more or less knows what your weight is? He may or may not consider you to be 'overweight'. Good luck.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 15,2009, 2:42pm
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If you haven't posted those pics, do so now.

If you do have pics that show you as you are, then go ahead and meet him.

You don't really have that much to lose, as I see it. You're going to have to deal with this sooner or later, with him or someone else.

Might as well get used to it.
 
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howlong is offline howlong Post #5  July 15,2009, 3:48pm
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The cant stand is excessively overweight isnt it? I wouldnt call size 14 excessive. It may be more that he sees excessive overweight = not active at all thus the cant stand.
 
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Emmma is offline Emmma Post #6  July 15,2009, 3:54pm
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This is how I look at it. Im not overweight at all however some of my family members are. If he can't stand overweight people then that is a problem in my book. No one is perfect.
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #7  July 15,2009, 3:59pm
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Sheesh y'all. Why not just directly ask the question I would propose the following since it may be awkward for the OP to ask via the telephone.

OP, in an email tell him you recall that in his "can't stands" he indicated he "couldn't stand someone overweight". Tell him as he can see from your photos you are not skinny or even average in weight. Tell him you are a woman's size 14 and ask him if you fall into his "overweight" category. I'm sure you don't want to waste your time with someone who in the end isn't interested in you. Why not just be open and honest and ask the hard questions up front. You will save yourself a world of hurt later if he dumps for the reason you inquire about.

Just sayin'....
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #8  July 15,2009, 4:20pm
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Have you seen a full body picture of him? How in shape is he? If he is in very good shape then chances are he's going to consider a size 14 to be overweight. If he's athletic looking but a bigger build or he's around average then there's a chance he might not consider you to be overweight.

I would agree to go ahead and bring this up in a casual way in OC before setting a face to face meeting. That way not only has he seen your picture, but he's had a chance to address this with you and let you know what he considers to be overweight.

By the way we have a lot of weight threads around here on the boards, and they tend to go downhill really quick. I think you've done a good job with asking a good question without being defensive. Very soon someone is going to reply along the lines of "A Size 14? That's not overweight at all. If he can't handle that then he doesn't need you." That is the wrong way to approach the subject. If you're comfortable with the size and shape you are, and he happens to have a different preference then neither one of you is wrong. You're just not a good fit.
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  July 15,2009, 4:38pm
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Emmma wrote :
This is how I look at it. Im not overweight at all however some of my family members are. If he can't stand overweight people then that is a problem in my book. No one is perfect.

While this is your right, due to the number and presumed diversity typically encompassed by family, this approach will logically leave you very few possible partners.
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  July 15,2009, 5:38pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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As someone mentioned, if this is one of the eH 'can't stands' I believe it is phrased 'excessive' overweight. Also, I think it should be remembered that the 'must haves'/can't stands are in reference to qualities in a potential partner. The criteria people select as 'can't stands' don't necessarily mean things they 'must have' or 'can't stand' in anyone....but specifically with regard to what they look for in a partner.
 
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