Draeconix is offline Draeconix Post #1  July 14,2009, 6:40am
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So I looked around and even did a search on the forum but I can't seem to find any posts that are similar to my situation so I decided to throw my question out there and see what everyone thinks.

The situation is as follows. I have a female friend who has a younger sister. I forget exactly how young but it is within 4-5 years of my age (30 yo). She used to come into the one store I worked at a while back and I always thought she was attractive and thought about asking her out but was too shy, besides she was a customer and crossing that line is just a little taboo for me. Any way, I was just over at my friends house the other day and her sister, who I think is living with my friend and her fiance, was there. I still had the same thought as before about asking her out. The problem is, I know very little about her, where she hangs out, interests, etc. so my question is; is there a good way to go about asking her out or even finding out if she would even be interested or if she is dating anyone, her sexual orientation (you never know), etc. I thought about asking my friend (who btw I never dated or was involved with, just good friends from high school) if she could give me some idea or set me up but I am not sure how. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 14,2009, 2:52pm
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In my opinion, you should approach the women directly. Women want you to show initiative and approach them. Not doing so just seems weak, is clearly done to spare a man from rejection.
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 14,2009, 3:49pm
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I just hate it when I'm forced to agree with a Frog!

As a woman, I wouldn't exactly hold it against you if you went through my sister. But at 30 years, you'd get far more Brownie points if you approached me directly.

And I wouldn't have a problem if you approached me at the store, either. Not if you'd made an effort to be friendly already. Don't just pounce all of a sudden, though.

Good luck.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  July 14,2009, 4:42pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
I just hate it when I'm forced to agree with a Frog!

You seem to be doing of lot of it. What's up with that?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  July 14,2009, 4:56pm
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D_Lion wrote :
You seem to be doing of lot of it. What's up with that?


Dang, I wish I knew.
I'm as horrified as you!

I'm a poet.
And I know it.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #6  July 14,2009, 6:23pm
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Please don't take offense, but I would think your questions would apply more to someone in high school than 30?!

Have you never asked anyone out before?
As far as not asking a customer out, why not? Wouldn't anyone you ever met possibly at one time be a potential customer and therefore that means with your rule you can't ask anyone out ever?

The rule of not dating someone should apply to co-workers, not customers.

Just ask her out directly or let her sister know you are interested and if she knows what your reception might be if you asked? But even still, her sister might not know, so ultimately the best person to ask is the girl you are interested in, in the first place.

You don't need to know if she is dating anyone, her orientation or anything. Just ask. If she is dating someone, she will say so, if she is not and just not interested she may still say that she is dating someone just for an easy out. If she likes girls, she is more likely just to say she is not interested and leave it at that.

So, just keep it simple, you don't need to do any detective work, just ask her out. There are two options, she will say "yes", or she will say "no" and you can at least know you have tried.
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #7  July 14,2009, 9:58pm
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I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the sister if she is currently seeing anyone. That will accomplish two things. First of all you'll know if she has a boyfriend, and you'll also know her orientation. If her sister tells you she doesn't date guys then you've got that taken care of

It will also accomplish something else. You know exactly what the sister is going to do once she sees her. Yes, she's going to tell her that you were asking if she was available. The next time you see her she'll know you're kind of interested, and if she's interested she might give you some clues which will make it easier for you to approach. She could also give off a negative vibe which means stay away. If she is neutral then you'll still feel more at ease because you'll know that she may be expecting you to approach her, and that will put you more at ease.
 
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learningasigo is offline learningasigo Post #8  July 15,2009, 12:47am
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I don't know what your level of functioning with the opposite sex is but what I would suggest is this...

...Find out from her sister where she either works or hangs out or whatever. Have a "chance" meeting with her. Smile at her and make no secret of the fact that you like her (not because you're in love with your fantasy of her - But because you are just liking her at that moment - that you are talking to her!!!) - Let yourself just drink her in while you smile at her and talk with her. Look directly in her eyes and don't turn away. Go for the kill. Don't be shy, don't let anything shy in you make ANY part in her feel rejected!!! (note: this only works if you are truly attracted to her in "real time" - not in your fantasy life) Let your heart just really fall "In like" with her and let her see that you are genuinely attracted to her (did I already say that?) (Here's the deal though - see how you really feel when you actually are talking to her. Don't play games and pretend something that isn't real - that's what boys do - not men!) - In person is different than building something up in your mind - you know!) If you are really attracted to her - show her - if not then let the moment pass and - move on! Maybe the sparks will happen sometime in the future - maybe not ever - just be real with it!

Above all else don't fake anything and don't decide how you feel about her before you see her - let any attraction just spark up when you see her at that time.

Let love happen - but don't suppose you can make it happen. The only thing you can "make happen" is "YOURSELF" - you can become a guy that women easily like! But you have to like yourself first! Sometimes it takes a while to get there bro.

Look for signs that she is attracted to you. Touching her hair, looking extra deep into your eyes, touching her body, body language cues, smiling, etc. If she is not giving you good signals - if she is not making you feel good about yourself - then what's in it for you anyways? You can't MAKE someone like you - but when you get your act together you certainly learn how to LET them like you! If she has any natural attraction to you and you know what you're doing - you can take her by the hand and lead her out of the emotional desert and into exciting romance!

Better yet... ...Do this! Plan out a chance to bump into her when she will have half a chance to possibly spend at least 5 to 10 minutes to talk to you (she'll pretty much MAKE time if you capture her attention - trust me). Don't even mention that you knew her from before unless she recognizes you - then it's OK anyways. DO NOT let the conversation or focus be about how you knew her before, don't lean on that like a crutch - it's all about what IS happening NOW! And your a stud - and you're happening now - and that's all she needs to know!

Be relaxed and make her feel great by showing (not saying) that you are really attracted to her!!! (You can compliment her - but don't talk about how YOU feel about her - just show and say and BE a guy that is just digging her and digging being yourself... ...WITH her at that moment.

Celebrate the fact that you two are so attracted to each other at that moment - but don't actually talk about it... ...show it with your eyes, and smile and tone and joy, etc. Some things are better left unsaid - but felt - if you know what I mean!

- Don't try to conceal the fact that you are wildly attracted to her (IF you really are) and that she is beautiful. Winners don't hide their attraction - they celebrate it!!! Celebrate her!!! Celebrate how great it is to be a stud of a guy and being able to talk with her at that moment!!! (Don't SAY IT - JUST SHOW IT!!!) It'll make her feel great and you'll stand out from the crowd of other guys who are playing all kinds of defensive games that non-confident and non-relaxed guys play!

Sweep her off her feet man! ...God created man to be the head not the tail. Trust me - they need us to give them the gift of us not being scared little weenies! Will you be the prince that sweeps her off her feet? - or will you be crushed by your need and fear? Give her the gift of you really being a man and making her feel like a princess. She'll love you for it! And she'll be a "good girl" for you, very appreciative - trust me about this!

P.S. - If you don't "GET" what I'm talking about, If you haven't discovered who you are as a man and why that it will be a blessing to some girl to be with you - then don't try this. Just keep fantasizing! What I'm talking about can't be faked - but can be enjoyed immensely! Good luck bro! Hope your ready!!!
Last edited by learningasigo; July 16,2009 at 11:52pm.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #9  July 15,2009, 5:49am
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It's not often I bother to re-post in a thread. Or read the long ones!

But I was mesmerized by Learning. Enough to check his profile page. Dang, he's married! Of course. He "gets" women.

Learning, any time you want to change your screen name to Truly Amazing, you have my permission to do so!
 
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Draeconix is offline Draeconix Post #10  July 15,2009, 9:16am
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Icouldwriteabook wrote :
Have you never asked anyone out before?
Yes, once, but I didn't do it very well. Haven't had much of an oppurtunity since then.

Icouldwriteabook wrote :
As far as not asking a customer out, why not? Wouldn't anyone you ever met possibly at one time be a potential customer and therefore that means with your rule you can't ask anyone out ever?

The rule of not dating someone should apply to co-workers, not customers.
You make a point.

Icouldwriteabook wrote :
Just ask her out directly or let her sister know you are interested and if she knows what your reception might be if you asked?
Asking her out directly would be a bit easier if I saw her more often than once every couple of months. I no longer work at the aforementioned store, thank God.

Icouldwriteabook wrote :
So, just keep it simple, you don't need to do any detective work, just ask her out. There are two options, she will say "yes", or she will say "no" and you can at least know you have tried.
It sounds so simple when you say it like that.

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. Now to put it into practice. Check back if you want to know how it turns out.
 
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