MissGlitz is offline MissGlitz Post #1  July 13,2009, 12:38pm
MissGlitz's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Vancouver Island

Posts: 1

See profile

I have been seeing this guy for a couple months now (very casual) and I think he is an amazing guy. Neither of us have talked about where we want it to go between us, we have generalized but nothing specific. I know what I want in regards to a realationship (I want my own space, not to be smothered but at the same time to be my best friend, someone that makes me want to be around them more, someone to share my life with and still be able to have our own lifes away from one another while keeping them a part in everything). We have known eachother for quite sometime more so as aquaintences but started taking it further a few months back. As I said it is very casual but I think I am starting to feel that it is now a commit to one another in the sence that we are not looking for anyone else and that we would both like to see about moving forward in the realationship (slowly), or walk away to remain friends. Am I thinking too soon, should I just wait and see what happens or should I just approach him and find out how he is feeling? I guess it is just that I do not want to be wasting anymore time if it is only going to remain a casual thing.
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #2  July 13,2009, 2:21pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

MissGlitz wrote :
I have been seeing this guy for a couple months now (very casual) and I think he is an amazing guy. Neither of us have talked about where we want it to go between us, we have generalized but nothing specific. I know what I want in regards to a realationship (I want my own space, not to be smothered but at the same time to be my best friend, someone that makes me want to be around them more, someone to share my life with and still be able to have our own lifes away from one another while keeping them a part in everything). We have known eachother for quite sometime more so as aquaintences but started taking it further a few months back. As I said it is very casual but I think I am starting to feel that it is now a commit to one another in the sence that we are not looking for anyone else and that we would both like to see about moving forward in the realationship (slowly), or walk away to remain friends. Am I thinking too soon, should I just wait and see what happens or should I just approach him and find out how he is feeling? I guess it is just that I do not want to be wasting anymore time if it is only going to remain a casual thing.
My advice is beginning to sound pretty boring, even to myself. When I'm faced with a choice of talk vs don't talk, I always choose to talk. Even if the conversation is not pleasant, at least you'll know you've given it your best shot and can walk away without wondering what could have been...

But also, please do not forget that he is not the only one, who has the power of the decision in your situation. You sound very reasonable in your expectations, but you need to discuss it with him to see if you are on the same page, and where to move from here.

The only 2 decisions you can make without his input are - to leave or stay in an uncertain and uncomfortable relationship, hoping against hope. I wouldn't recommend either one of them. Talk instead, then decide.

Best of luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
adonna is offline adonna Post #3  July 13,2009, 3:16pm
adonna's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 12

See profile

In reading your question, I noted that you mentioned that you took it further a few months back. I am assuming you are intimate or in some fashion more than friends. Therefore, it's natural to be asking these questions now. He probably wonders the same thing.

You also mention that neither one of you is looking for someone else and that you generalized that you are more than friends. This makes me realize he is looking for something more than just friends with privileges when he thinks of you.

Basically, you are both skirting the issue. Has he said "I love you"? Is it an initimate relationship? If the answer is "yes" and he has generalized about you two being a couple or more than friends, go for it. Just ask. Find your own way of bringing it up.....but since you guys are shy about this topic, perhaps a soft approach will be best. Find the right moment and go for it.

Good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 13,2009, 3:55pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,095

See profile

IcecreamMoon wrote :
My advice is beginning to sound pretty boring, even to myself. When I'm faced with a choice of talk vs don't talk, I always choose to talk. Even if the conversation is not pleasant, at least you'll know you've given it your best shot and can walk away without wondering what could have been...

But also, please do not forget that he is not the only one, who has the power of the decision in your situation. You sound very reasonable in your expectations, but you need to discuss it with him to see if you are on the same page, and where to move from here.

The only 2 decisions you can make without his input are - to leave or stay in an uncertain and uncomfortable relationship, hoping against hope. I wouldn't recommend either one of them. Talk instead, then decide.

Best of luck!



Me too. What she said. Good old boring advice works for me!
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  July 14,2009, 10:55am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,265

See profile

He has kept it "very casual" for two months? Move forward to where? exclusivity?, intimacy?. After two months of hanging out you want to cut your losses if he won't "commit"? He will want to stop his search for others and get closer to you if he is interested enough, if you have to ask him, be prepared for a defensive or wishy-washy polite answer. Try to read what he does and how he proceeds in his actions
MissGlitz wrote :
I have been seeing this guy for a couple months now (very casual) and I think he is an amazing guy. Neither of us have talked about where we want it to go between us, we have generalized but nothing specific. I know what I want in regards to a relationship (I want my own space, not to be smothered but at the same time to be my best friend, someone that makes me want to be around them more, someone to share my life with and still be able to have our own lives away from one another while keeping them a part in everything). We have known each other for quite sometime more so as acquaintances but started taking it further a few months back. As I said it is very casual but I think I am starting to feel that it is now a commit to one another in the sense that we are not looking for anyone else and that we would both like to see about moving forward in the relationship (slowly), or walk away to remain friends. Am I thinking too soon, should I just wait and see what happens or should I just approach him and find out how he is feeling? I guess it is just that I do not want to be wasting anymore time if it is only going to remain a casual thing.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« I want to have sex with him... | Ask a Dating Expert | Widowed and dating »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:13am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0