myself_at_last is offline myself_at_last Post #1  July 12,2009, 9:48am
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I am finally divorced after a 11 year realtionship with a man who NEVER trusted me... He was also mentally abusive, disrespectful, self absorbed (had no time for the children) and refused to grow in the relationship. I stayed for so long because of my 2 children and his promises to "change".. I stayed with him faithfully.... never cheated, even though he did. I am a faithful person.

Then I met a man who was completely opposite on all counts.... except the jealousy. He could have an arguement without yelling or calling names, he was open and willing to listen to my perspective, mature, made time for my children even without me...He is selfless and the kind of person that will do anything for anyone and not expect anything in return.
He came from a string of bad relationships with people who took advantage of his big heart.
Needless to say he has trust issues... We have broken up 2 times because of this.
This last time he has come to me and said that he knows that there are changes that he has to make in his life and he knows that the jealous thing is one of them. We are not back together, but still communicating.

Can this really be overcome if he wants it to?
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #2  July 12,2009, 9:53am
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Anything's possible, esp. as he is aware of his problem, and WANTS to change; that's what makes the difference. Encourage and inspire small steps in his progress; men also need to receive positive reinforcement, even in just the appreciation and acknowledgment that he is trying., if he indeed does. From what I read, you and he relate well to one another. He recognizes his problem and wants to address and change it; I would want to give him some time...to see if he improves and "actually" does. Isn't that what relationships are...wanting and striving to become better for ourselves and our partner?
Last edited by pamcam; July 12,2009 at 9:58am.
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #3  July 12,2009, 4:18pm

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You REALLY expect a person to change a pattern of 11 years of jealousy? Jealousy defs; insecurity, immature response to questionable behavior, etc. You might have been a bit of a tease, or a partial cause for his insecurity, but it is, after all HIS problem; he could have reacted to your questionable behavior in mature, calm, sensible ways. You KNOW he's got this habit deep in his spirit; it was developed in his childhood and is not something he can easily change. Move on. Say bye. Cut off all communications; don't lead him on....or the jealousy will show up as something much worse; stalking, etc.
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 12,2009, 4:26pm
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Robecology wrote :
You REALLY expect a person to change a pattern of 11 years of jealousy? Jealousy defs; insecurity, immature response to questionable behavior, etc. You might have been a bit of a tease, or a partial cause for his insecurity, but it is, after all HIS problem; he could have reacted to your questionable behavior in mature, calm, sensible ways. You KNOW he's got this habit deep in his spirit; it was developed in his childhood and is not something he can easily change. Move on. Say bye. Cut off all communications; don't lead him on....or the jealousy will show up as something much worse; stalking, etc.

I hate to say I agree with this. I believe jealous people just are. They really don't need a reason to be jealous. Some people just can't help themselves.
Last edited by j0hn8andy; July 12,2009 at 4:27pm. Reason: delete post
 
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mimiusa67 is offline mimiusa67 Post #5  July 12,2009, 4:37pm
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I agree 100% with Robecology. He is a grown up guy, have his habits and he is aware of his issues. You already broke 2 times, same reason everytime.... take the hint !!!! You were 11 years in a abusive relationship...probably waiting for him to change and never happened.......he knows his problem and he keeps doing it.....Just try to be happy and look for anything that makes you happy.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #6  July 12,2009, 4:42pm
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Your new guy sounds "conditioned" to be jealous. He's been taken advantage of in the past, and it's made it difficult for him to trust. I'm sure every time was humiliating and painful and he's afraid it'll happen again.

He sounds like a decent guy except for the jealousy. He might come around if he feels secure in the relationship. What are the circumstances that cause him to become jealous ?
 
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