Is it normal to not be attracted to any of your matches?


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DeliBebek is offline DeliBebek Post #11  July 12,2009, 7:49am
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trying to get a handle on what this is all about.

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BadAtNickNames wrote :
When I used eHarmony, I wasn't attracted to any of my matches. Has this ever happened to anyone here?
You mean when you wish they looked more like the gray "no photo posted" silhouette? When generic would be an improvement?

I had a strange thing happen with a match who didn't post photos and turned out to be extremely attractive. You don't know what to expect on those.

I'm assuming you mean just physically attracted to the photo, but in case you mean overall, then I would say not it's not normal.

Even in the matches I close, I can see some glimmer that I would at least enjoy a date's worth of conversation with the person. I am satisfied with eHarmony's ability to find that kind of person. The ones I communicate with certainly have a attractive qualities in their profiles, and usually in their photos too. Sometimes it's just they eyes or the smile, or the fact that they capitalize their names, but there's always something there.
 
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Josh_81 is offline Josh_81 Post #12  July 12,2009, 7:59am
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Well, I might have reasons for this.

Assuming that attractive guys (I'm apparently not one) live and work around me. I highly doubt any of them would ever need to use internet dating to find someone.

Attractive guys don't need profile help like I do (assuming that girls actually read what I write anyhow...I'm amazed that some of you look past a picture; mine don't get that far it seems)

Instead you have your choice of guys like me who are professional but a bit nerdy or the guys who are wierd and scary.

---------
As a guy looking for a girl, I am attracted to about 70% of my matches which makes me wonder if:

A: My matches are really non-paying misanthropic members who enjoy tormenting me.

B: Are girls with expectations too high or too narrow. Not tall enough. I'm 5'10"...if I were 6'10" I doubt we would be having this conversation.

-----------------------

I get 2 girls every day to at at least look at my profile and those usually end up saying, "I just found another guy."

Maybe there is still hope for me provided swine flu or WWIII takes out enough of the overflow of Bratt Pitt, Johnny Depp, Simon Baker, David Beckham and George Clooney look alikes, lol.

Sadly, I'm not metrosexual enough for you girls. I'm just a mild mannered shy guy who spent too many years in college.
 
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Jasmine83 is offline Jasmine83 Post #13  July 12,2009, 8:35am
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Lately, I feel like my new matches are unattractive. I will date someone who I consider average, or good looking. I only dated one guy once who I considered ugly (not from eHarmony). I just had a date Friday night with an average looking match. I didn’t have romantic feelings for him, but I will give him another chance to see if something develops. I did have 1 boyfriend from eHarmony once who was extremely good looking. I also had 1 date with a good looking match. My other dates have been average looking guys. A lot of guys lose their looks as they age.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #14  July 12,2009, 10:17am
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For me, the not-so-good-lookin' ones are rare... I usually close on excessive distance, or incompatible profiles.
 
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oostitch is offline oostitch Post #15  July 12,2009, 10:49am
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i get a little frustrated when they don't have any pictures posted. i had another scenario where i started communicating with this guy and i had no idea what he looked like. we even spoke on the phone and he wasnt a bad guy but for one thing he didnt have a real job. he had posted on EH he was in the insurance business which he actually wasnt anymore. his 'job' was selling sports cards on ebay, he said he made a good living which i don't doubt but it was kind of a turn off, the only time he left the house was to go to the post office to mail out the cards. then he said he was about 70 lbs overweight. i tried to remain polite and positive and keep an open mind. i asked him for a picture and he emailed me one with his sister. i would have preferred the sister
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #16  July 12,2009, 10:58am
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oostitch wrote :
i get a little frustrated when they don't have any pictures posted. i had another scenario where i started communicating with this guy and i had no idea what he looked like. we even spoke on the phone and he wasnt a bad guy but for one thing he didnt have a real job. he had posted on EH he was in the insurance business which he actually wasnt anymore. his 'job' was selling sports cards on ebay, he said he made a good living which i don't doubt but it was kind of a turn off, the only time he left the house was to go to the post office to mail out the cards. then he said he was about 70 lbs overweight. i tried to remain polite and positive and keep an open mind. i asked him for a picture and he emailed me one with his sister. i would have preferred the sister
!

Sometimes I'm glad I haven't gotten to OC yet... I'm holding on to those high standards for dear life, now! *grin*
 
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TNDawn is offline TNDawn Post #17  July 12,2009, 11:00am
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Wow... I tought that it was just "me". I haven't been attracted to any of my matches. Those whom which I decided to communicate with were simply "presentable"; and, after we completed the stages of ommunication, I was not excited about meeting in person.
 
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denverdatedoc is offline denverdatedoc Post #18  July 12,2009, 3:14pm
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Amen sister!
 
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lookin4lovexo is offline lookin4lovexo Post #19  July 12,2009, 3:41pm

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It's discouraging because I have been having the same problem. How did I even get matched with these people? Their profiles seem so incompatible with mine.
 
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thatslife is offline thatslife Post #20  July 12,2009, 4:03pm
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I'm having the same problem. There are only 2 or 3 matches I ever found attractive enough in the photos to feel some degree of hope and excitement for. Two of them bailed before even meeting -- I don't think it was any mark against my personality b/c one kept writing how he thinks we'd have a great connection and he's really excited to meet with me and then he didn't call me when I gave him my #. Whatever. But it's hard even when they have a good profile to feel something if they are not what "gets" you physically -- and that does not always mean they are not attractive, above average looking people. Attraction is so difficult and I'm beginning to wonder if this onnline thing is right for me; I think I just need to see an entire person, their demeanor, sound of voice, mannerisms, how they interact with other people, etc. before I can develop a natural attraction that makes me comfortable to go on a first date.

This online decision making is beginning to make me anxious. I have a match who recently contacted me and seems intelligent and is not bad looking -- but I'm still not feeling an attraction -- not sure what to do b/c it's no fun trying the communication if some degree of excitement is not there.
 
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