new_mom is offline new_mom Post #1  July 10,2009, 11:12am
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I have a 7 month old and his father is barely in the picture, meaning he says he wants to be with his son but just isn't.

I wanted to move on for a long time and now I am ready but really nervous about how men will react to me being a single parent.

When do I tell someone and how ??

Do I notify my ex to tell him I am dating? Our relationship has been very unhealthy and I will never look back but he still dreams of us being a family-which isnt realistic.

I need advice
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  July 10,2009, 2:32pm
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I didn't have children in my first marriage, so I don't speak from experience.

But I do know single mothers have to arrange childcare. It's not always easy or affordable.

It seems to me the earlier new men in your life know, the better. That way they know any changes in plans have to be communicated to you immediately. You don't want to line up sitters, only to have him be late or cancel out. And you won't be able to be as spontaneous as women without children are in last minute plans.

The other matter with the ex. I did not tell my first husband I was dating. He did not know until I told him I was going to marry the second time. It just seemed easier.

If the ex gets back in the picture when your child is older, the child will mention to the ex any men you bring home. So eventually he'll find out anyway. IF he ever gets back in the picture.

Good luck, hon. I know it's tough being a single mother.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  July 10,2009, 2:36pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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new_mom wrote :
I have a 7 month old and his father is barely in the picture, meaning he says he wants to be with his son but just isn't.

I wanted to move on for a long time and now I am ready but really nervous about how men will react to me being a single parent.

When do I tell someone and how ??

Do I notify my ex to tell him I am dating? Our relationship has been very unhealthy and I will never look back but he still dreams of us being a family-which isnt realistic.

I need advice
Did you break up or divorce while you were pregnant? There may be the issue of a certain amount of time being needed before one is really ready emotionally to 'move on'.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  July 10,2009, 2:39pm
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With online dating there is a selection option for single / divorce / widow, and another for child(ren) / no child(ren). Your matches will know your status in these areas. In my opinion, no further information needs to be volunteered.

Your profile should present you as a person with the emotional, achievement, and lifestyle groundwork necessary to prepare you for a romantic relationship. “Ex issues” can indeed impact that readiness, but the way to communicate that is not by stating it, but by conveying in the tone of your profile the aforementioned positive traits.

I do think it is a big deal, but other men will not care. The men who find children not acceptable should have their matching options set accordingly; therefore the matches you do receive should be pre-filtered to be willing to evaluate the single mother on a case-by-case basis.
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