How do I discuss my previous relationship when the time comes?


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GCTIGER11 is offline GCTIGER11 Post #1  July 10,2009, 10:35am
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I've always had a hard time discussing my past when it comes to relationships. I had my first and only serious relationship when I was 15. After a year together, she finally lost her fight with cancer. How do I discuss this with a potential partner in the future?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  July 10,2009, 2:53pm
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I am sorry this happened. I know it hurts. The finality of death is very hard to fathom at any age.

I assume you are still very young. I see no reason to bring it up. Unless you want to. If asked by a new girl, I would just say she died.

However, if you want to talk to a new girl about her, and can do so without breaking down, and the new girl is important to you and will understand, then go ahead and tell her.

But I would not open up to just anybody. Not just a casual girl. What happened with your previous girlfriend, and the hurt and helplessness you experienced is too important to be the topic of a casual conversation.

I know because I lost my husband.

Good luck in your future.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  July 10,2009, 3:14pm
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I would not discuss it all … at least, not until you have a long-term, exclusive partner.
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #4  July 10,2009, 3:40pm
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Don't. Leave the box closed or say as little as possible. Some people get fixated on details, and you can't change the past.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #5  July 10,2009, 4:41pm
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How long ago was this? I'm not sure I really see any reason to bring this up with most dates/partners.

Obviously, if you did become very close to someone and felt like sharing -- I would hope they would be understanding - but I see no reason this would come up in casual dating. Everyone has a past.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #6  July 10,2009, 6:56pm
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Agree with what everyone said above!

If you need to talk about this find a therapist!

The past that is done does not need to be introduced to the current relationship.
 
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SoOverIt is offline SoOverIt Post #7  July 11,2009, 2:00am
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Why do you need to? The past is the past and there are some things which are best left out of new relationships, like old ones. I don't discuss my past relationships with current partners, and it's never prevented me from creating a wonderful connection with those partners. There is such a thing as personal privacy even in close relationships. If it's not something which impacts your current relationship or your new partners health and safety then there really is no reason to go there.
 
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oostitch is offline oostitch Post #8  July 11,2009, 4:57pm
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you don't have to! i've never questioned anyones past. if they choose to bring it up i let them. it's not something i find interesting or would judge them over. focus on the future. if you have strong feelings about your situation then you may want to seek couseling to help with the grief. your partner may not know how to react and might make things uncomfortable for both of you. good luck
 
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