As a widower should I list that in profile?


View Poll Results: Widows and widowers should list status upfront.
Yes 16 100.00%
No 0 0%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 16. You may not vote on this poll

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mfuller is offline mfuller Post #1  July 9,2009, 8:22pm
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I do not know if I should list this upfront or not. I know that this will attract some ladies and put off others. Being a widower does at least say that I did not chose to end my relationship. Seeking new people should say that I am moving forward. I am also aware that some ladies will think that I am trying to replace my wife. How could I? She was unique just like everybody else.

If I did list that I am a widower, I would mention that is my burden and would not ask anyone else to carry it. That seems to make sense to me.

Any thoughts.... let me know please.
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #2  July 10,2009, 11:23am
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I recommend making a small mention of it somewhere in your profile because most of your matches will automatically assume that you're divorced and when they learn in discussion that you're widowed it puts a real damper on the conversation.

eH used to ask (when I was subscribed) your marital status (choices being single, separated, divorced or widowed) and they listed in your profile 'Single' or 'Divorced'. Separated people are still married and not allowed on eH Dating. They did not list widowed on your profile even though it was one of the multiple choices on the questionaire. I believe eH may have changed the format of the profile a bit and no longer list marital status.

So anyway, in one of the 'freestyle' boxes, work that fact in somehow without making a dissertation out of it. If that's a dealbreaker for someone, better sooner than later.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #3  July 10,2009, 12:42pm
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tweet37 wrote :
I recommend making a small mention of it somewhere in your profile because most of your matches will automatically assume that you're divorced and when they learn in discussion that you're widowed it puts a real damper on the conversation.

eH used to ask (when I was subscribed) your marital status (choices being single, separated, divorced or widowed) and they listed in your profile 'Single' or 'Divorced'. Separated people are still married and not allowed on eH Dating. They did not list widowed on your profile even though it was one of the multiple choices on the questionaire. I believe eH may have changed the format of the profile a bit and no longer list marital status.

So anyway, in one of the 'freestyle' boxes, work that fact in somehow without making a dissertation out of it. If that's a dealbreaker for someone, better sooner than later.
+1

Better to mention it from the start. Besides, would you really want to take the time to possibly develop something with a person who found this to be a deal breaker?

I wouldn't list this as a burden, though, as that carries a negative connotation with it, and that negative connotation may be off putting.
Last edited by brneyedangel; July 10,2009 at 12:45pm. Reason: needed to add something....
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 10,2009, 2:15pm
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You know the question about who was the most influential person in your life? At first I put "My late husband, from whom I learned the importance of doing the right thing for its own sake." Took a second look, changed it to "The very best friend I ever had, etc. etc." (He really was my very best friend, so it wasn't really a lie...)

I think I'm going back to take a THIRD look at that, after seeing the other posts here. I can't imagine it would be a DealBreaker; I just didn't want it to sound like I was still sobbing into my pillow every night! But you're right that if it were, it's best to get it out of the way right up front.

I guess that's what doing the right thing is all about.

I'm definitely going to change it before I turn my Matching back on. Thank you.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #5  July 10,2009, 2:21pm
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I cannot think of any "good" reason why you should not mention you are a widow/widower.
 
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RedhawkGal79 is offline RedhawkGal79 Post #6  July 18,2009, 7:19pm
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I'm new to EH, 52 and I mentioned in my profile that I am a widow.I mentioned it under the question about the most influential person in my life (stated it was my late husband). It's my relationship history and part of my past and if it is a deal breaker for a man, it's best for him to close the match up front. No one plans on being a "younger" widow or widower and I wouldn't want to be with someone who had a negative reaction to it. On the other side of the coin, I would be very inclined to respond to a man in my age group who stated in his profile he was a widower.
 
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blueshoe is offline blueshoe Post #7  July 19,2009, 12:09am
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Definately.

As a single never married woman (who doesn't have a lot of dating experience and who is a christian) I don't have any qualms about marrying a man who is a widower, albiet the following things I would want to know at some point:

1.Your dating background. All of it ! Including your former wife. How healthy was your marraige. How healthy was your wife in all areas. Do you have addiction issues.

2. That you have grieved a sufficient amount of time and that of your children.

3. Do your children approve of remarraige and are they ready.

4. Are others beside you seem to know ( pastor,family and friends ) that you should marry again.

5. Your complete understanding that I could never be your former wife and have no desire to be.

6. Other than that I would find it delightful. Why? You already know what it takes for a relationship to work. You have experience fathering and for older women like myself that would never bear children has the blessing of aquiring a few !

Peace to you and blessing ! May God send you another perfect helpmeet !
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #8  July 19,2009, 3:47am
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RedhawkGal79 wrote :
I'm new to EH, 52 and I mentioned in my profile that I am a widow.I mentioned it under the question about the most influential person in my life (stated it was my late husband). It's my relationship history and part of my past and if it is a deal breaker for a man, it's best for him to close the match up front. No one plans on being a "younger" widow or widower and I wouldn't want to be with someone who had a negative reaction to it. On the other side of the coin, I would be very inclined to respond to a man in my age group who stated in his profile he was a widower.
Red,

I too listed my late wife as the most influential person.( I added that my mom said she turned my life around ( I was a bit of a bad boy.)) I don't know if it had any affect on any of my matches or not but I didn't care. I was inundated with matches who wanted to communicate and maybe this was a bit of a filter.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  July 19,2009, 5:42am
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It is a piece of information about who you are. It will help your matches to further evaluate you.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  July 19,2009, 5:43am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Icouldwriteabook wrote :
I cannot think of any "good" reason why you should not mention you are a widow/widower.
I can.
 
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