cocobop is offline cocobop Post #1  July 8,2009, 3:43pm
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My wife was killed by a drunk driver one year ago.
I am getting by ok with the help of friends and family but it is hard. Is it wrong to look for a friend rather than a lover on eHarmony. I am not ready to hook up with anybody but I am lonely.
We had a great marriage and I am afraid I will always compare a new person with my wife.
On the plus side I had a near perfect marriage so I was a good husband for a long time.
What do you think
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #2  July 9,2009, 7:30am
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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I know the feeling and I'm sorry for your loss.

eHarmony is a 'Relationship' site and as such the women you're matched with won't be looking for a pen pal or buddy.

There may be enough people in your neck of the woods interested in activities through meetup dot comm so give that a try. Hanging around here might take the edge off too.

See you around campus.
 
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MartiniCat is offline MartiniCat Post #3  July 9,2009, 7:53am
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My last two matches had lost their wives within the last 18 months. I went out with one (twice) and found him to be a really great guy. It was obvious that he was struggling with jumping into the dating pool which is understable. We spent our second date talking, in depth, about his wife and his marriage and, I encouraged him to talk about her. It was an emotional afternoon, but a good one. I walked away with a greater respect for him. It can be very tough and challenging for those who have lost their spouses -- it takes a special person, patient and respectful, to have the confidence and maturity to be patient with those who are just beginning to date again. The second man I was matched with also lost his wife (she had been gone 11 months) -- we talked on the phone, clicked, and made a date for the following Saturday. I didn't hear from him the rest of the week and then the day before our date, he emailed me and said he was not ready to take the step to date - he thought he was ready, but he is not and would I forgive him for backing off. So, you see, some are ready and some are not. I give them kudos for even trying. All will be well once again.
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #4  July 9,2009, 9:45am
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wishes she was out in the sunshine.

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Please look other places for a friend, eharmony is a dating site and you said your self you are not ready. I also lost my husband and when the time came to find a mate, I knew it. Bring good friends and fun into your life.
Happy Day
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  July 9,2009, 10:22am
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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My husband died also. I signed onto eHA for the "Curious to see your Matches?" ad. I thought it would take a year or so. WRONG!

Matches started coming in, I'm not ready. I had to turn off the Matching. Maybe later, I don't know.

I think it's a good thing to have come from a happy marriage! It can keep you from making a mistake. There's no way I would settle for less than what I had. I would rather be alone.

The things I would have wanted for my husband (had I died first) I think he would want for me. That may include loving someone else. If I am lucky enough to find it again, I think he would be my biggest fan, cheering me on.

What do you think your wife would want for you? When you're ready, that is...

Good luck.


ps---under GROUPS there is a Widow/Widowers group here you might want to take a look at
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #6  July 9,2009, 10:35am
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I would probably skip eHa because, as others pointed out, it's primarily a dating/relationship site ... those who you are matched with most likely be looking for more than just friendship.

There are plenty of other (and better) options if you're just looking to get out and meet some new people ... MeetUp, volunteer groups, church groups, support groups -- or even just these online boards.
 
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