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Moxa Moxa is offline
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First of all just to let you all know, I'm a newbie at this online dating stuff. That may explain why I was so shocked when after a month of e-mails and some phone calls we have our first date and I find that he looked nothing like his photo. I feel this is so disingenuous of both men and women when they post very old photos of themselves. What purpose does this serve in the long run? We got along great doing e-mail and phone but I really expected to see the guy in the photo not someone so much older. I was devestated to say the least. We had a nice date but I'm just not feeling it anymore. I would have been okay with the guy in the photo but this isn't working for me. BTW, I am 54, he is 63 (so he says and he even looks older than that!).

Am I wrong to feel like this? I can't shake this feeling. What kills me about these people are that these are the very ones that talk about honesty and sincerity in their profiles. What a joke.
- July 8th, 2009, 12:59 pm
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LavenderFields LavenderFields is offline
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Hi Moxa and welcome to the boards!

Sorry this happened to you, but to be sincere MANY MANY people do this. It is unfortunate to say the least. Some people think they don't change or they look the same, when in fact we all grow older.

As suggestions, you can ask when the pictures were taken, for example if it was a vacation (i.e. Vegas), you can say "so when did you go to Vegas?" and get a feel for how old the photo is. Also after you meet them, you CAN ask them how come the pictures were not recent. Some people don't go out much and don't have that many pictures, but I think is no excuse.

Good luck and lesson learned

Lav
- July 8th, 2009, 01:47 pm
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DancingFool DancingFool is online now
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This sort of stuff is precisely why I place almost zero value on photos. Rather than spending time on e-mails and phone getting to know the person and investing into a figment of my imagination, I'll try to meet my matches as soon as possible in real life. Also, the only thing I expect from that meeting is just a good time with a new person - maybe something will come of it, but most likely not. Even if they look exactly like their photos, you may meet and feel repulsed rather than attracted in person - you just never know until you meet. In a way it's all about not having expectations.
- July 8th, 2009, 02:04 pm
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ZisaGirl ZisaGirl is offline
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This happened to me twice recently, from another dating site.

I'm a female, late 40's. In one case, his profile said 57, which is just about the upper age limit for me. We met, and I thought...wow, this guy is MUCH older than 57. He starts complaining about a girl he met who was much heavier than her photo, so I brought up the age thing. He finally admits to having "shaved" a few years off his online age. So, that put him into his 60's.

Another guy looked like his photos were literally from another decade. Unrecognizable. If he hadn't walked up to me, I'd have waited there all day, thinking I got stood up.

Unbelievable.

With nearly every cell phone having photo-taking capabilities these days, it's almost impossible NOT to be able to take a recent photo.
- July 8th, 2009, 02:14 pm
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Wiseman2 Wiseman2 is offline
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Very good point and yes a very frequent complaint about the older/heavier than picture thing, it goes both ways. . Very astute point at the end of your post ...why do they have to point out how "honest" "open book" etc they are? "I'm an honest , nice guy".... what? Because you think the women want yo hear this?......
Moxa wrote :
First of all just to let you all know, I'm a newbie at this online dating stuff. That may explain why I was so shocked when after a month of e-mails and some phone calls we have our first date and I find that he looked nothing like his photo. I feel this is so disingenuous of both men and women when they post very old photos of themselves. What purpose does this serve in the long run? We got along great doing e-mail and phone but I really expected to see the guy in the photo not someone so much older. I was devastated to say the least. We had a nice date but I'm just not feeling it anymore. I would have been okay with the guy in the photo but this isn't working for me. BTW, I am 54, he is 63 (so he says and he even looks older than that!).

Am I wrong to feel like this? I can't shake this feeling. What kills me about these people are that these are the very ones that talk about honesty and sincerity in their profiles. What a joke.
- July 8th, 2009, 02:58 pm
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RoxyRedhead RoxyRedhead is offline
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I am also amazed at the deceptive photos that men post, as well.
Don't people realize that, upon meeting, the deception will be recognized instantly?
This is my second dating attempt after my husbands death 4+ years ago. Last time I posted my correct age-this time I shaved a few years off my age and posted the same picture as well as updated pictures.
After being chastised here for fibbing about my age, I wondered why no one seemed to be upset about the 15-20 year old pictures.
BTW, knocking a few years off my age has gotten me so many more replies, from men in the exact same age group as I was focusing on last year.
Sad but true, guys look for younger women even if they are no longer interested in having children. It must be a genetic thing.
They want younger women-even dumb age differences like 5 years-but see no disparity and have no hesitation to post old pictures (especially if they are balding).
Really, the picture is about the least important thing to me-I look at it to make sure I know who to look for.
Roxy
- July 8th, 2009, 03:41 pm
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txbubba txbubba is offline
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i'm very careful, too

- July 8th, 2009, 04:11 pm
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txbubba txbubba is offline
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Last edited by txbubba; July 8th, 2009 at 04:16 pm.
- July 8th, 2009, 04:12 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is offline
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It must have slipped his mind his photo was 10 years old.


ROXY---"shaving" a few years off is OK if you don't plan on collecting Social Security when he still thinks you're 50.


TEXAS---you can't be too careful these days.
- July 8th, 2009, 04:40 pm
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Moxa Moxa is offline
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[quote=j0hn8andy;667044]It must have slipped his mind his photo was 10 years old.

Slipped his mind?? The problem with this theory is that the guy had 7 photos and some of those were probably even a few years older. Now folks get this. This one will blow your minds. The 7th photo is one of his puppy. I asked him how old his puppy is. He told me she's about 5 years old. Good God! Even the dog is a fraud. LOL!!!!
- July 8th, 2009, 04:55 pm
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