Geez! He appeared 10 years older than his photo!!

My profile photos show the month and year the photo was taken in the caption.

And yes, I've BTDT with meeting a guy whose photo must have been 15 years old. I was shocked when I met this balding grizzled-haired tubby guy, who said his photo was only 3 years old. He must have done some hard living in the past 3 years!

Moxa[/b];666906]First of all just to let you all know, I'm a newbie at this online dating stuff. That may explain why I was so shocked when after a month of e-mails and some phone calls we have our first date and I find that he looked nothing like his photo. I feel this is so disingenuous of both men and women when they post very old photos of themselves. What purpose does this serve in the long run? We got along great doing e-mail and phone but I really expected to see the guy in the photo not someone so much older. I was devestated to say the least. We had a nice date but I'm just not feeling it anymore. I would have been okay with the guy in the photo but this isn't working for me. BTW, I am 54, he is 63 (so he says and he even looks older than that!).

Am I wrong to feel like this? I can't shake this feeling. What kills me about these people are that these are the very ones that talk about honesty and sincerity in their profiles. What a joke.

Welcome to eha and to the world of online dating. It's not all bad but I understand the pain and frustration you are feeling. It's happened to a lot of us. Maybe we ought to call online dating the Missing Persons club!

Once I got duped so bad by a Udate or Match.com...this time it wasn't a grey haired lady who showed up [that happened more than enough.] I picked her up but something was wrong? I couldn't put my finger on it. She just didn't look like her photo? Anyhoo it was a beautiful Summer evening about 7-9 years ago so what the heck.

I took her out to dinner somewhere; there wasn't much to remember. But she had a pleasant personality. And you could tell she had some pain on her face. Something that was depressing her. After dinner we took a drive up to a favorite summer spot. You can see NYC in the distance, it's in West Orange and a beautiful view. But there was too much traffic so we agreed on going to another quiet nature spot.

As I said it was a beautiful night. She had too much to drink I think. And we were sitting on a bench in a large country park. We had talked quite a bit that night and had instantly clicked. But something about her had bugged me. Was that the woman I had seen in the picture? She sure wasn't very pretty. In fact she was down right er...homely.

But as I said she had a nice if rather depressed personality. So there we were at the park bench and she started kissing me. Ok I was game. But I wasn't too attracted to her and our kissing reflected that. Besides she was close to being drunk. I felt sad for her as at one point, she looked physically ill from too much drinking.

But it was such a spectacular summer night and she wanted to stay out. I got the feeling she just wanted to get out of the house. I can't remember the rest of the night. Not because I drank too much; I did have a few but it was awhile ago and nothing happened that would spark a memory of it for me.

Maybe she came to my house, maybe I drove her straight home. Either way I remember I didn't take advantage of her. When we kissed, there was no spark. She was more like a friend than a date. Really cool personality though. After I had dropped her home it hit me. She wasn't the woman I had talked to on the phone! She wasn't the woman I had made plans with for a date.

Nope, the woman I had a date with maybe bailed on me. So when I called to confirm picking her up that night, this woman, either a roomate or sister, played that she was the woman I had made contact with at a dating website! I remembered when I had called her up the 2nd time...I remember her mumbling as if disoriented.

No she had been playing for time, pretending to be someone she wasn't. She picked up the phone, figured out I needed a date that night and she needed to get out of the house! And I fell for it. I didn't even have to look at the lady's photo on the website. But when I did, yup it was as different woman. One much more prettier who was probably very popular with the guys and a busy dater. I knew it in my bones; I'd been duped. But it's cool, it was a fun night.

So yeah this stuff happens. Good luck to you on the next date. Maybe you can say something before a date like "hey I really like you. Even if that is an old picture or you have gained weight etc, I still like you. Do you have a recent photo of you? How old is that photo of you?

Maybe that will work and can save you some heartache.
Good luck! Let us know how your next date works out.

c2009 sei j at brookdale park

This sort of stuff is precisely why I place almost zero value on photos. Rather than spending time on e-mails and phone getting to know the person and investing into a figment of my imagination, I'll try to meet my matches as soon as possible in real life. Also, the only thing I expect from that meeting is just a good time with a new person - maybe something will come of it, but most likely not. Even if they look exactly like their photos, you may meet and feel repulsed rather than attracted in person - you just never know until you meet. In a way it's all about not having expectations.

Welcome to eha and to the world of online dating. It's not all bad but I understand the pain and frustration you are feeling. It's happened to a lot of us. Maybe we ought to call online dating the Missing Persons club!

Once I got duped so bad by a Udate or Match.com...this time it wasn't a grey haired lady who showed up [that happened more than enough.] I picked her up but something was wrong? I couldn't put my finger on it. She just didn't look like her photo? Anyhoo it was a beautiful Summer evening about 7-9 years ago so what the heck.

I took her out to dinner somewhere; there wasn't much to remember. But she had a pleasant personality. And you could tell she had some pain on her face. Something that was depressing her. After dinner we took a drive up to a favorite summer spot. You can see NYC in the distance, it's in West Orange and a beautiful view. But there was too much traffic so we agreed on going to another quiet nature spot.

As I said it was a beautiful night. She had too much to drink I think. And we were sitting on a bench in a large country park. We had talked quite a bit that night and had instantly clicked. But something about her had bugged me. Was that the woman I had seen in the picture? She sure wasn't very pretty. In fact she was down right er...homely.

But as I said she had a nice if rather depressed personality. So there we were at the park bench and she started kissing me. Ok I was game. But I wasn't too attracted to her and our kissing reflected that. Besides she was close to being drunk. I felt sad for her as at one point, she looked physically ill from too much drinking.

But it was such a spectacular summer night and she wanted to stay out. I got the feeling she just wanted to get out of the house. I can't remember the rest of the night. Not because I drank too much; I did have a few but it was awhile ago and nothing happened that would spark a memory of it for me.

Maybe she came to my house, maybe I drove her straight home. Either way I remember I didn't take advantage of her. When we kissed, there was no spark. She was more like a friend than a date. Really cool personality though. After I had dropped her home it hit me. She wasn't the woman I had talked to on the phone! She wasn't the woman I had made plans with for a date.

Nope, the woman I had a date with maybe bailed on me. So when I called to confirm picking her up that night, this woman, either a roomate or sister, played that she was the woman I had made contact with at a dating website! I remembered when I had called her up the 2nd time...I remember her mumbling as if disoriented.

No she had been playing for time, pretending to be someone she wasn't. She picked up the phone, figured out I needed a date that night and she needed to get out of the house! And I fell for it. I didn't even have to look at the lady's photo on the website. But when I did, yup it was as different woman. One much more prettier who was probably very popular with the guys and a busy dater. I knew it in my bones; I'd been duped. But it's cool, it was a fun night.

So yeah this stuff happens. Good luck to you on the next date. Maybe you can say something before a date like "hey I really like you. Even if that is an old picture or you have gained weight etc, I still like you. Do you have a recent photo of you? How old is that photo of you?

Maybe that will work and can save you some heartache.
Good luck! Let us know how your next date works out.

c2009 sei j at brookdale park