Advice on illness within relationships, please...


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embersilversnow is offline embersilversnow Post #1  July 6,2009, 11:18pm
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. Just before we met, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I was completely open with him about it, and we simply worked around it. He even managed to help slow my progression into other illnesses (that we didn't know I had) by keeping me active. Unfortuntately, however, other complications have come along in the form of Sjogren's Syndrome and a very rare type of progressive arthritis. Forget being active- most days I can't even walk to the end of the block. I'm in constant pain, and completely exhausted. Medically, I'm working with my doctors to find new treatments. Romantically, I can feel the strain on our relationship.

My boyfriend is a very active, social person. I'll be honest- I'm not very social- but I used to be active. My b/f and I have worked very hard on my socialization issues. We communicate well (thank God), and so we've found a happy medium on that. Now, however, most of my activities are sedentary or worse. He has been very patient with me: asking if I felt well enough to go out and being kind if the answer was "no." He sees other friends frequently, and continues to keep active with no comment from me other than encouragement and the occasional "God, that sounds fun... I'm envious!" Things have gotten a bit stale, however, when we're together. There are only so many tv shows or movies you can watch before you get bored. Card games and video games are also stale. My b/f still spends the majority of his free time with me, and tells me that he loves me several times each day, but I feel bad for him! I have made the mistake of over-exerting myself to go out and have fun several times, and while it is sometimes worth it to me, it hurts him to see me in so much pain afterward. Does anyone have any advice on ways we can keep things interesting, considering my limitations? Any other advice in general?

I also have a second question that's somewhat related. Due to my illnesses, sex is not very easy for me, and can cause quite a bit of pain. Over the last couple of years, my b/f and I have had sex less and less- only once in the last six months (and that didn't go very well). My b/f claims that he's okay with it, that he can live without it, but I feel horrid about it. Remember I said he was active? Well, that factors in here as well. He tells me that there's a reason he has a right hand (I hope that isn't to graphic,) but then says that his sex drive has dropped significantly since we stopped having sex as often. Now, I've had several people chime in on this (including my doctor, if you can believe it!) and many say that there's no way he's going without sex. Others say that he is probably going without, but is more unhappy than I realize. I know my b/f well enough to know he isn't cheating, and I've asked him a couple of times if he's more upset about it than he lets on. He says no. But still, I wonder: Is this greatly harming our relationship, more than either of us know? Any advice on that one?

Thanks so much!!!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  July 8,2009, 3:46pm
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I don't know anything about your illness other than it is terribly debilitating. I can't do anything there but say I feel for you.

It sounds like the boyfriend is great. More than great!

I don't know how to word this any better. I hope I don't get censored.

What about a blow job? Can you do that? Men like it.

I don't know how you feel about doing it. But I've never met a man who didn't give it a thumbs up!
 
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