passerine is offline passerine Post #1  July 6,2009, 8:56am
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Hi,

I dated a guy for 7 months, when we were together everything felt fine but when we were apart it felt like to him I was out of sight out of mind. I didn't want to be needy or clingy so I tried my best to be unselfish and not crowd him while still talking about what I wanted. He told me that I was truly wonderful when he thought I was asleep, a few weeks later he's telling me he can't love me and wants to date his ex, than stresses all of things that make me wonderful. We spend several hours than and two weeks later talking and he (for the first time) is actually intimate with me in an emotional way. This was in Febuary.

I can't seem to shake the pain away, it doesn't dominate my every thought but I can't help feeling ill used and foolish about once a day. Any suggestions? I've been trying a variety of things (I'm going to take up yoga again), I need something radical to shake it out of me. Maybe a baggage exorist?

When I've told mutal friends or aquaintances they weren't suprised, apparently this is generally how things end with him.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  July 6,2009, 1:20pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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passerine wrote :
Hi,

I dated a guy for 7 months, when we were together everything felt fine but when we were apart it felt like to him I was out of sight out of mind. I didn't want to be needy or clingy so I tried my best to be unselfish and not crowd him while still talking about what I wanted. He told me that I was truly wonderful when he thought I was asleep, a few weeks later he's telling me he can't love me and wants to date his ex, than stresses all of things that make me wonderful. We spend several hours than and two weeks later talking and he (for the first time) is actually intimate with me in an emotional way. This was in Febuary.

I can't seem to shake the pain away, it doesn't dominate my every thought but I can't help feeling ill used and foolish about once a day. Any suggestions? I've been trying a variety of things (I'm going to take up yoga again), I need something radical to shake it out of me. Maybe a baggage exorist?

When I've told mutal friends or aquaintances they weren't suprised, apparently this is generally how things end with him.
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Sometimes letting go of someone you truly care about is a difficult thing to do, but I think you have the right idea by getting involved in activities that are of interest to you. You mentioned that you are taking up yoga again, which is good, and I would encourage you to get involved in other activities that you enjoy, as well.

There is one thing in your post that stands out to me--that you're feeling foolish as well as ill-used. Please don't beat yourself up over this. Unfortunately, a part of meeting people and getting involved in relationships means that people might be less than honest about their intentions, or that they may just change their minds about a situation. I think it's safe to say that most if not all of us end up there at some point or another. If it's a pattern, then you need to figure out why you're attracting men like this or are attracted to men like this, but if it's just this one time, and if this is his typical way of operating, go easy on yourself, okay?

Good luck to you!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 6,2009, 3:32pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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If you feel bad about someone every day, you're better off without that person.

Just because he ended it doesn't mean you were used. He's allowed to change his mind, as are you. He sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants. Back & forth, back & forth. Maybe he's just young, but it's too much drama for me.

Unless you like drama. Sounds like you don't.

You can turn this negative into a positive by figuring out what you want & need in a man. Then go for it; don't accept poor substitutes. You deserve a man that wants to watch you when you sleep, all the while pinching himself that he got so lucky with you...

He's out there!
 
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passerine is offline passerine Post #4  July 7,2009, 9:59am
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Thanks for the advice. The feeling bad comes and goes, it isn't everyday anymore. I guess it's hard because I want to do everything right and a relationship not working out feels like I did something wrong. This is only my second relationship and it was so different from my first that learning to deal with a break-up is still unfamilar. But I did decide next week to start focusing more on me, I want to develop my awareness about myself physically, emotionally and intellectually. EH has helped with that because it's made me think about what I really want and need from another person. When the upset isn't clouding my brain (like today) I always look forward to finding someone to be a helpmate and lifemate
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  July 7,2009, 10:50am
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A relationship not working out doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It just means you didn't suit each other for the long run.

Very few people marry their first love.

I don't know how young you are, but I think you will probably try at least a few on for size before you end up buying one. That's a good thing! You can learn something from each person, even when you part in the end. It hones the skills.

You're on the right path to focus on what you want & need in this life you're going to lead. I'm as certain as a person can be (not knowing you) that someday some man is going to make you the center of his world...
 
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