Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #1  July 6,2009, 5:49am
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I'm recently divorced after a 6 month separation. I'll spare you the details, other than to say there was no infidelity, abuse, etc. I'm also unemployed. I once had a promising career and now I'm just stuck. I want to get out and date again, but women expect men to go all out, especially initially. So how can I do this? Do I just forget about dating? I hate telling women I'm unemployed and don't think any would date me because of this.
 
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oostitch is offline oostitch Post #2  July 7,2009, 12:57pm
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is trying to find happiness

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sorry to hear youre going throught this. i know how a divorce can leave a person. the only advice i can give you is if youre happy with where you are at in your life right now then the right woman will overlook your employment issue, at least for the moment. yes its nice to be taken out to dinner and a movie but not all women expect to be treated to dinner every single time. i personally like to make an invitation and maybe cook for him so he doesnt feel like he's the only one making an effort or spending money. it also depends on how much effort youre putting in to improving your current situation. i personally think you may want to work on yourself a bit before jumping in to another relationship. a recent divorce and unemployment will take a toll on anyone! good luck and i hope everything turns out ok for you!
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #3  July 7,2009, 1:01pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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There's no reason to not date just because you are unemployed. Let's face it, in today's economy there are plenty of people who are in the same situation as you are.

There are plenty of things you can do that don't cost a lot of money. The key is finding a common interest that doesn't cost a fortune to do. Around here, they do movies and concerts in the park in the summer, and they're free. We also have several community activities that are free or low-cost. You could also go to the park, hike nature trails, or have a picnic lunch, with the bonus of some quality time to get to know one another.

As for women not wanting to date you because you are unemployed, well, yes, there are women out there who will probably take issue with that, but forget about them! As long as you aren't sitting around all day waiting for a job to show up on your doorstep, I'm sure you'll find that there are plenty of women who are going to look past your current employment status and who will want to date you. Focus on these women and give it a chance.

Best of luck to you!
Last edited by brneyedangel; July 9,2009 at 11:58am. Reason: Waiting for a door to show up on your doorstep? Duh angel!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 7,2009, 5:02pm
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What happened to the other thread you created the other day? Same exact problem?

You had 37 answers on there. Didn't you like any of them?
 
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Axmac is offline Axmac Post #5  July 7,2009, 7:09pm
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looking for you.

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I will date you.
 
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Bouffy is offline Bouffy Post #6  July 8,2009, 4:09am
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isn't as easy to see through as you think.

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If being unemployed bothers you get a job. Go to school, even. There are lots of opportunity out there and you'll probably find as you start in a direction with some effort you'll meet someone traveling who is in the same situation you are. Then you'll be able to do it together and so forth.

Dating isn't hard when you have common interests. It'll take care of itself if you take care of yourself.
 
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Avariel is offline Avariel Post #7  July 8,2009, 5:38pm
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To be honest, I don't agree with the saying, "If she's the right one she will overlook EVERYTHING that's going wrong in your life and date you!" Many women who could be very good for you, and one who may be THE one for you, might be a little freaked at the unemployment thing. Even with our "independance" (so called) I think a lot of women deep down are a little unnerved at a man without a job, especially if THEY have a good one. If you find a woman with a great job who's wiling to pay for everything (since dating is so darned expensive) then chances are she may be the sort that likes a man she can control; if you find a woman in a similar financial situation who's willing to date you, how do you know that she's actually good for you, and that you're not simply settling for her because you think you're not a good catch?

You have a very friendly face in your photo, and you sound like a genuine, sincere guy that at least has his head together during a bad time in his life. We ALL go through bumps like this (I'm divorced myself, and currently have no less than FIVE jobs, so the "where do you work?" question always has me in hysterics, as I get to answer "Which job do you want to know about?") I think everything, in this situation, relies on answering in confidence; if you really believe that you'll get back on your feet, and if you know you've got the "stuff" to make it, then put that out there in your voice, your stance, your words, and your posture. Everything about you should say "This is just a temporary bump, because I completely rock and I'll get back on my feet before you can finish your drink." It's very easy to get down when life sort of dumps on you all at once, I completely understand, but women are intuitive and pick up on this (sort of like sharks smelling blood ) and it's a huge STOP sign for most of them (especially the good ones; many a good woman has gone through many a bad relationship, and she starts to notice the signs of another life-sucker early on, even if such signs are only temporarily seated in a good person.)

And to be honest with you, if you're hurting, and unhappy, and stressed, and generally bummed about what life's handed you for the moment...then are you really in a good position to be dating anyone? Maybe this is your chance for some serious fung shui in your life, to focus on getting happy and healthy and in control of what must have been a really painful situation. I wouldn't waste it on chasing after a broad; save that for later!

My two cents. Or five dollars. How much do I get paid a word, again?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  July 8,2009, 5:48pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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There are people out there who can't/won't hold down a job. When dating a man without a job a woman is taking the risk that you are one of these people. Some will take this risk....and some won't. There's nothing wrong with some not being willing to do this. There is no 'right' to be dated (at least not yet).
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #9  July 8,2009, 5:52pm
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Bouffy wrote :
If being unemployed bothers you get a job. Go to school, even. There are lots of opportunity out there and you'll probably find as you start in a direction with some effort you'll meet someone traveling who is in the same situation you are. Then you'll be able to do it together and so forth.

Dating isn't hard when you have common interests. It'll take care of itself if you take care of yourself.
Yeah, well being unemployed bothers me too. "Get a job". Yeah, it's easier said than done right now, or haven't you looked at the unemployment rate right now? A lot of really good people are out of work right now and the majority are not deadbeats. In some areas now, it is almost 10 percent.

And for most schooling, guess what, it costs money! And if you get a loan, guess what? You have to have money to make payments, yes, sometimes not until after you graduate, but it is still there.

If he can't afford to date, wouldn't it stand to reason he would have trouble paying for school too?

Sorry, if I am a little hot under the collar about this, but I have been unemployed since February and it is hard out there and your answer just kind of seemed a little callous and over simplified to me and seemed to imply that he was a deadbeat. If I am incorrect about your comments, then I apologize. I have never been unemployed for more than 6 weeks in my entire life until now!

For example, I could have taken several sales jobs, but they were commission only, so would take months to build an income and of course once you get a full time job, regardless of when the first paycheck starts, unemployment will stop. So I couldn't do that.
And yes, I am holding out a bit for a job I want to do rather than have to take but believe me, I am willing to take a huge pay cut as well, just to get a job.
 
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Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #10  July 8,2009, 6:04pm
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Avariel, good points. You're right, women can tell and I'm in no position to date. Its so tough because I never expected to be in the dating pool again. But I guess I'll just have to wait until I find a job, whenever that is. My field (investments) has completely fallen apart, so I'm not sure what to do now. Maybe I'll be working 5 jobs. Something has to happen soon or I'll lose my mind. I've been unemployed for a damn year! And I have a ton of education. For what? Anyway, I'm ranting.

Icouldwriteabook - I considered writing a book about this horrible experience. "How to survive extended unemployment in the longest recession in history", or something like that. I am so bitter about the whole thing, so I get where you're coming from. Try doing that for a year. Lucky for me I've always saved and invested, but so much for retirement! I'll never be able to in this country. I see unemployment continuing to rise and our President making all the wrong moves.

Anyway, I guess I don't seem so friendly now, lol.
 
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