hockey_guy02 is offline hockey_guy02 Post #1  July 5,2009, 4:01pm
hockey_guy02's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I need help understanding. I am 25 and she is 20 I have dated this girl for almost 2 years and we have known each other for about 3 years. We were the perfect match in how we act with each other we have the same outlooks on life and what we want in life. We are strong in places where the other is weak alot of our friends even thought we would get married. We were so in love the real kind of love where all the small things matter. I was in a serious relationship twice as long as this before and i did not feel the same love i have felt in the time i have just spent in this relationship. The only thing now is that out of the blue and out of nowhere my girlfriend said she doesnt know what she wants anymore and says that she doesnt love me romantically anymore. we have been very serious for the whole time of this relationship always talking and planning of the future and talking about it seriously like i said we want the same things in life and we had an amazing chemisty and connection. she always had a hard time that i had been in a serious relationship before but it really showed me how much she cared about where i am now. she really loved me and would always say things like "i love how much you love me and your never going to leave and find someone else" we really had something amazing that love where you think you will only find it once we had the type of relationship where she would text every morning to say good morning and every night to say good night. we were there for each other for all aspects of our life the good and the bad we were best friends and lovers. what we had was like something you see in the movies. we had talked about the time frames on when we would get married and she even thought of looking at rings. then just two weeks after that she broke up with me from one day saying she loves me and misses me to the next saying i dont know what i want and that she doesnt love me romantically and she doesnt know if what we had was real. now its been a month and we havent really talked there hasnt been much in the way of closure. even the people close to us do not understand was has happened here. i love her more then i can love another girl and she has just kinda dropped me completely. my question is does it sound like she needs to establish who she is and how much she really loves me? should i wait even tho i havent been treat very well this last month or should i move on. Its been really hard on me not having her in my life at all this last month. will she realize and come around after a few months? could use a womans perspective
 
  Reply With Quote
Wootz is offline Wootz Post #2  July 5,2009, 4:20pm
Wootz's Avatar

wants to be half as good as grandad was.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Appalachian Mountains

Posts: 1,670

See profile

I am not female, but it sounds to me like she’s not coming back, at least not for a good long while. She’s twenty years old. Maybe she needs to define herself first- to see what she really wants out of life. You’ve been close- very close from what I can tell. It might have been that closeness didn’t allow her the opportunities to grow as an individual that she needed, especially at that age. The best thing you can do, in my opinion is tell her that you miss her very much and if she wants or needs you to call- if that is how you feel- but give her the space she’s asking for.

I know it hurts and it feels like a huge betrayal of everything you’ve felt for the past few years. You will get over that- we all have. Try not to let this experience make you bitter or carry it with you as baggage for the rest of your life. You still have your life as an individual. Check out the advice on how to deal with a breakup here, and get your own life in order. That old saw about if you love someone set them free sounds mighty applicable here. I wish you luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
oostitch is offline oostitch Post #3  July 5,2009, 4:27pm
oostitch's Avatar

is trying to find happiness

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 77

See profile

well first of all, don't let the hockey mask fool you, i'm a 27 yr woman. i'm so sorry youre going through this, i know you must be feeling like crap. here's my take on it, i think her age might have something to do with it. she's only 20 and you've been dating for 2 years so most likely youre the only person she's been involved with in her adult life. that can scare a few people away. the thought of never being with someone else or seeing if there is something more out there can sometimes be the cause for a breakup. i got married when i was 21 so i can tell you from personal experience. my ex was 1 yr older than me. when we got married we had everything planned out and life was good. you start adding in responsibilities like mortages and car payments and things start going downhill, especially at such a young age. you then start to feel a bit of regret and wonder where your 20s went. this doesnt apply to eveyone, there are always exceptions but i'm just saying that you both are still so young and have a long life ahead of you. she wants space? give it to her. if she comes back great, you know it was meant to be and if she doesnt, there will be something better in store for you. good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
junio59 is offline junio59 Post #4  July 5,2009, 6:38pm
junio59's Avatar

The past is done, the future is uncertaint, the present is a gift.

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2008

Posts: 22

See profile

Something similar happened to me almost two months ago.

I had been dating a man for over a year and we considered ourselves an EH "success story". Over a month ago, we went on a trip for my B-day and we had what I thought was a great time, even he said so. The week after we got back from the trip, we were fine and still saying we loved each other.

However, the following week he broke up with me because he felt we were on different emotional pages and he was never going to get to where I was, and also there was an emotional distance on his part.
According to him, he had felt that way before the trip and had hoped he would feel closer to me after the trip, but it did not happen; all this after he had told me the week before that he loved me!

Anyway, I have not seen it, or heard from him in over a month and I don't expect to. It hurt a lot, but time has a way of taking care of that.

I would suggest you learn from your experience and move on. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
BudLove69 is offline BudLove69 Post #5  July 5,2009, 7:14pm
BudLove69's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

Dude, you have a lot more experience than me on your belt, I'm only 18. What I have to say is that my ex girlfriend and I recently broke up after two years of what I would describe the same way you described your past two years. Her and I broke up and she began dating one of my friends about two weeks later. Chicks can be cruel man, real cruel. It's been over two months and I still can't see my self with anyone else yet. Your not alone, try to move on seriously. I completely rearranged my room, got rid of all her stuff. It wasn't easy but now that its done, it feels a lot better, I even left her old dresser open for the new girl. I realized that when they fu*k you over you gotta be cold hearted right back. Shell get whats coming to her, I promise.
 
  Reply With Quote
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #6  July 6,2009, 2:00pm
brneyedangel's Avatar

would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

northeast Ohio

Posts: 4,590

See profile

I'm sorry that you are hurting so much, and my heart really goes out to you. I can't say definitively why she has chosen to end things with you so suddenly; I can only offer suggestions.

It seems that right after the talk about rings she just broke it off. Maybe she really thought about the magnitude of that kind of a decision and realized she wasn't ready for this kind of a commitment right now, or that she wasn't sure if she would ever really be ready for this kind of a commitment with you. I know it doesn't make much sense for her to have reacted the way she did, but at 20, she's young, and that could be the reason she went from one extreme to the other (maturity issue).

Whatever the case, my suggestion would be to move on, as difficult as it is. Don't put your life on hold at this point, as you have a right to your happiness, and if it's been a month, I'm sorry to say that it doesn't sound like she's coming back. You deserve to be with a woman who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with her. Take some time to heal before you get into another relationship, though--get involved in some activities that are fun and interesting to you, spend time with friends, do things that make you happy--and then, as time passes, you'll find that the pain will start to decrease. I think, too, that Wootz gave you some good advice in his post that is well-worth following.

I know it's not an easy road to travel, but you will make it through, and I wish nothing but the best for you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Zero to 100 in 2 months-now he needs a break? | Ask a Dating Expert | When the weekend plan does not include you »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:46am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0