Why wont he touch me in public?


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curleysuzey is offline curleysuzey Post #1  July 5,2009, 1:01pm
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I met this guy on line and when we were communicating via email he said he was out of dating practice. Now we've been speaking on the phone for 4 months, gone on 10 dates and have recently had sex a couple times. I like him and he 'seems' to like me. He calls just to say hello, we go out on fun dates, etc.

The thing that bothers me is that when we go out in public it's like we are brother and sister. I don't initiate any PDA and I admit that I am waiting for him to do it. Since I don't initiate it we do no hand holding, no kissing in public and there seems to be no closeness until he gives me a goodnight kiss at the end of the date or he comes over at the end of a date and we have sex. And when we do get intimate it seems that I have to inititate it. This weekend we went out to eat and I told him I wanted to sit in the seat next to him, he moved to get out of my way so I could sit in the seat and then he moved to the opposite side of the table (farther away from me).

This lack of closeness while we are out in public is getting to me. It feels really strange. So strange that I thought to myself I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him again.

My question is--- should I just move on and is this a case of he's just not that in to me? Or should I mention how this bothers me? Or is it just too soon after only 10 dates to mention this and should I just RELAX?
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  July 8,2009, 5:06pm
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Any advice for suzey?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #3  July 8,2009, 5:39pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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curleysuzey wrote :
I met this guy on line and when we were communicating via email he said he was out of dating practice. Now we've been speaking on the phone for 4 months, gone on 10 dates and have recently had sex a couple times. I like him and he 'seems' to like me. He calls just to say hello, we go out on fun dates, etc.

The thing that bothers me is that when we go out in public it's like we are brother and sister. I don't initiate any PDA and I admit that I am waiting for him to do it. Since I don't initiate it we do no hand holding, no kissing in public and there seems to be no closeness until he gives me a goodnight kiss at the end of the date or he comes over at the end of a date and we have sex. And when we do get intimate it seems that I have to inititate it. This weekend we went out to eat and I told him I wanted to sit in the seat next to him, he moved to get out of my way so I could sit in the seat and then he moved to the opposite side of the table (farther away from me).

This lack of closeness while we are out in public is getting to me. It feels really strange. So strange that I thought to myself I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him again.

My question is--- should I just move on and is this a case of he's just not that in to me? Or should I mention how this bothers me? Or is it just too soon after only 10 dates to mention this and should I just RELAX?
Hi there Suzey, I can see how you would be frustrated in this situation. I've highlighted a few things in your original post that stood out to me as I was reading it.

You mentioned that he said he was "out of dating practice" in your original post, and while this could very well explain why there's a lack of contact unless you initiate it, I'm kind of thinking he would have caught on by now as to what is okay and what isn't unless he's incredibly shy. It seems that anytime the two of you have any kind of contact, it's initiated by you. It could be that he's grown comfortable with that and is waiting on you to initiate the hand holding or occasional kiss in public. Or it could be that he is shy and feels awkward about just what is or isn't appropriate. I'm leaning towards these more than he's not into you because you've continued to see each other over this time.

I always suggest communicating, because it's absolutely essential in any relationship. If something bothers you, then you have to bring it up or the other person won't know there's an issue. Keep it calm and low-key, don't make it something you nag him about, but do bring up. That's really the only way you're going to get an answer about the "why?" behind his lack of action. He could very well be wondering why you haven't held his hand at this point since you have initiated everything else!

Best of luck to you!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  July 8,2009, 5:43pm
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Well, some people are uncomfortable feeling provocative or on display in public. If this was the only complaint I had with a partner, I would think it minor indeed.
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 8,2009, 6:32pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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1. Don't stress about it
2. Understand that he is a Man from the Moon and work with it.

Here is an excerpt from the Lunatic's Guide to guide you -
*Being the manly Man that he is, he only has one definition of "touch", but that's nothing to worry about because...
*You can teach him by showing all other definitions!
For example, take his arm and put it around your shoulder, while holding on to his waist (if you can find it, of course ).

PS. Holding hands is generally reserved for children on planet Moon. And some Moonchildren are beautiful creatures, so take the lead on this particular subject and enjoy whatever comes natually!
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 8,2009 at 6:34pm.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  July 8,2009, 6:47pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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You're having sex with a man who 'seems' to like you? Personally, this strikes me as a bad situation to be in, apart from the lack of PDA.
 
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all_seasons is offline all_seasons Post #7  July 8,2009, 7:29pm
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Cynical point of view >>> If he is truly 'out of dating practice', perhaps he is now just somewhat content to be having the sex that you are serving up ( until he finds something else? ).
 
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Axmac is offline Axmac Post #8  July 8,2009, 7:53pm
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for me, its a vital thing. touch is my love language, and if he doesnt show affection in public, i'm out.
 
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thoom45 is offline thoom45 Post #9  July 8,2009, 9:14pm
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Agree with axmac, i'm a cuddler, a toucher, i actually enjoy PDA and as much physical contact as possible.

Sounds like you two aren't compatible in that way.
 
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KS_Disrupted is offline KS_Disrupted Post #10  July 8,2009, 9:28pm
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is at home.

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Maybe the sex issue is hard for him, and perhaps closeness is fading because of it. He may have inner fears or insecurities you have not discussed ? I would ask him. Don't wait.
 
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