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jaqui jaqui is offline
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jaqui Single

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I am a single mother and I love my son and I have great career.
Yet something is still missing, I am alone.

I joined eHarmony to find my soulmate, and it seems the guys I keep getting in contact with are a bit opposite to their profile info.

Some are really genuine and sweet, but I still have not seem to have found the one for me.

I have gained a lot of friends now, but I want more than just friendship.

I want a relationship, marraige and a family.

Is that too much to ask for ?

Will someone tell me what am I doing wrong ?

This loneliness is making feel so alone in this world.
- July 5th, 2009, 01:16 pm
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brneyedangel brneyedangel is online now
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jaqui wrote :
I am a single mother and I love my son and I have great career.
Yet something is still missing, I am alone.

I joined eHarmony to find my soulmate, and it seems the guys I keep getting in contact with are a bit opposite to their profile info.

Some are really genuine and sweet, but I still have not seem to have found the one for me.

I have gained a lot of friends now, but I want more than just friendship.

I want a relationship, marraige and a family.

Is that too much to ask for ?

Will someone tell me what am I doing wrong ?

This loneliness is making feel so alone in this world.
I am sorry to hear that you have not found what you are seeking at this point. I know it can be and is frustrating when you're ready and it seems the people you are meeting just aren't what you are looking for in a partner. However, experience also teaches me that there are some things for which the waiting is worth it. While you may be lonely right now, you never know when and where you might make a connection. In fact, you might find that eHarmony is just a tool in the process, and that it helps you figure out just exactly it is that you want. Keep your eyes open everywhere you go, and look for opportunities to meet people in various areas of your life, as well.

I wouldn't say you are doing anything wrong, per se, but I would encourage you to not give up. It's a process, and sometimes it can be long and arduous. Hang in there, though; the right guy is out there for you, and you will find him if you keep at it!

Best wishes to you!
- July 5th, 2009, 01:26 pm
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Altair Altair is offline
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Without seeing you picture or your profile it is hard to judge where the problem lies. Maybe your standards are too high. If you are waiting for the perfect man, he doesn't exist. But you are not looking for anything that millions of others are looking for. Just don't try too hard to "make it happen"
- July 5th, 2009, 01:27 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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It sounds like you are doing what you need to do -- you are out there looking for someone.

However, there is no magic wand that can make it happen and you can't just snap your fingers and have Prince Charming show up. Simply feeling lonely isn't a strong basis for forming a relationship (in fact, your loneliness and emotional neediness may be making men wary of you). You have to take the time to get to know someone and let a relationship develop.

Loneliness is a funny thing. You can feel lonely whether you are alone or with others (even from within a relationship). If you are not reasonably happy with yourself and who your are, and emotionally secure, then finding a man is not going to "fix" your loneliness...
- July 5th, 2009, 01:28 pm
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jaqui wrote :
Will someone tell me what am I doing wrong ?

Complaining and being miserable. Maybe more, but that for sure.

If this is your first time for online dating, it can take awhile before you “get the hang of it” and start having good experience. Even then, you likely will not meet your future spouse quickly.
- July 5th, 2009, 01:41 pm
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jleen jleen is offline
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Dear Jaqui, It sounds like you might be slipping into a depression. You might want to talk to your doctor about this. "Cognitive Therapy" might be worth looking into.
I have recently suffered a major setback in my personal life - I had to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years - because I finally got tired of his string of lies about wanting to marry me... and in an attempt to figure things out and go back to the drawing board with regards to dating and men, I have come accross a couple of good books:
"all the rules", "stop getting dumped", "act like a lady, think like a man" and "the list".
I would suggest reading them all (and any others) and finding the approach that works best for you.
Best of luck to you! Jleen.
- July 5th, 2009, 01:57 pm
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jaqui jaqui is offline
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jaqui Single

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Thanks to your advise on the books.
I am not feeling depressed per se, it's just that when my collegues or friends invite me out, i feel left out because i come alone.

Don't want to leave with any jack of the block either, so i keep my socializing mutual.

After 41/2 years alone, it is time for me to find that person to share my love with and be a father figure in the home.

Where are you hiding ??????
- July 5th, 2009, 02:31 pm
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jleen jleen is offline
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Jaqui, Glad to hear it! Good luck, Jleen
- July 5th, 2009, 02:38 pm
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junio59 junio59 is offline
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junio59 The past is done, the future is uncertaint, the present is a gift.

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Loneliness is a funny thing. You can feel lonely whether you are alone or with others (even from within a relationship). If you are not reasonably happy with yourself and who your are, and emotionally secure, then finding a man is not going to "fix" your loneliness...[/quote]

I just came out of a relationship of almost one and a half years. While I had someone to go places with, I felt lonely because he did not give me the place I thought I deserved in his life. He would treat me as someone that was a recurring appointment, and at times when I was at his place, he would keep looking at his watch and made me feel as it was time for me to go home.

I have felt lonely since we broke up, but I also realize that I felt lonely when I was with him; I even kept thinking that I had never felt so unwanted. Take it from me, it is better to be alone than with a bad partner (I am not sure I could call him a partner, but what comes to mind is not nice.)
- July 5th, 2009, 02:55 pm
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j0hn8andy .....Take off the Rings.....That's the Goal.....

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neardc wrote :
It sounds like you are doing what you need to do -- you are out there looking for someone.

However, there is no magic wand that can make it happen and you can't just snap your fingers and have Prince Charming show up. Simply feeling lonely isn't a strong basis for forming a relationship (in fact, your loneliness and emotional neediness may be making men wary of you). You have to take the time to get to know someone and let a relationship develop.

Loneliness is a funny thing. You can feel lonely whether you are alone or with others (even from within a relationship). If you are not reasonably happy with yourself and who your are, and emotionally secure, then finding a man is not going to "fix" your loneliness...



I could not agree more.

I will add one thing. Instead of focusing on what you DON'T have, what is missing from your life, I would focus on what you DO have. Count my blessings, so to speak.

That way you focus your energy in a positive manner. I believe we attract to ourselves what we focus on. More gets more, less gets less.

Rather than think you don't have The Man, think about your good qualities, what makes you stand out from the crowd. Maybe you're the best cook on the block, the one who lights up the room when she enters it, the one who lifts everyone out of the doldrums.

Whatever your best qualities are, focus your energy there. What man would be crazy enough to pass up that woman?
- July 5th, 2009, 05:31 pm
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