Was it to soon or just not the right time or not the right person?
Three months ago my ex and I separated and if you caught the other new thread, I'm the primary carer of two daughters. Since then a friend of mine and I started getting close and all the pain and sorry left me. Each weekend she and I would meet up and just talk during the fews hours break that I had from the girls, and over time we got close. Ok, to be honest, at around 1.5 months I was telling close friends that I needed them tell me that I didn't have my head screwed on properly and that these feeling were all in my head. Then just before this friend went on holidays she sent me an email that blew my sock off. (So it wasn't just in my head!). It was very hard for both of us when she had to fly out three days later and neither of us we looking forward to the month she was going to be away. However nearly each day and each night we would sms of email each other. Such emotional connection, as she would say, such chemistry. Even the day before she got back, she was asking if we could save to go back together in 2010 so that she could have a real holiday with someone special. Then the day she got back everything changed, suddenly she told me that she felt no spark, that she felt emotionall void which was not what she was expecting and that we wuld have to stay just friends for a while longer. I could understand this since she had been through a very stressful flight back while having to deal with health issues (she has lupis). So we just kept in contact via email and sms at a reduced rate during the week. End of the working week I get a call on the Friday from her, she called me at work just to say that she was telling someone about how she had with wonderful emotive friend who she could just be so open and honest with and really be herself, and that it was me she was talking about. Then on the next night I got two sms that sent my heart plumetting. First one said that she is pulling back from my situation as she can see that it is draining her. No one in my situation is ready to even contemplate a new relationship as I need to focus on healing myself and focus on my girls. Focusing on my divorce and all that is associated with that meotionally will consume my energy.
Before the shock of the first one even sets in I get a second txt saying that she thinks its best for her (and I may thank her in yrs to come) that we limit contact for some time. We talk call her up staight away and ask her what is wrong she says she doesn't want any contact at all, she explains that she is very sorry, she is still learning within herself that she can fall for emotive guys and feel such a strong emotional connection, before seeing if the whole package is there. She is very sorry but I explain that she is not responsible for my heart.
Now her commincations are very distant where they use to be so close. All my close friends know how I really feel for her, even some 3 weeks later I want to call her up, even if to just ask her out for a coffee. I want to much to believe that this is a holding pattern till the divorce gets sorted out and that we can start again! But maybe she just isn't someone who is capable of moving into a relationship with someone that has two daughters. Or maybe I'm just not the right person.