StlRock is offline StlRock Post #1  July 3,2009, 5:35pm
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Ok all of you dating experts...and anyone else who feels the need to chime in. I need to here opinions about what a BEST friend is. I keep hearing it over, and over, but what does it mean? I have my idea, but I really like hearing from all of you. PLEASE help me on this one, as it may just help me get over another hurdle.

Thanks and much love to all,

Chris
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 3,2009, 5:38pm
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Of the canine variety?
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  July 3,2009, 5:48pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Of the canine variety?
You never know, frog. Sometimes they even come in the amphibian variety
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 3,2009, 6:25pm
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From your pic, I see you already have a best friend!

You probably know by now nobody loves you like your dog does. I bet he doesn't talk back, either. Nor does he gossip behind your back.
 
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oostitch is offline oostitch Post #5  July 3,2009, 6:28pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Of the canine variety?

that's hysterical but you have a point d_lion. at this point in my life the most faithful and caring friend i have is my chihuahua! and i know i'm not alone on this one, even mickey rourke admits it.

stlrock, you sound like you may be questioning your friendship with someone. i wish you could elaborate as to what happened a little more so you can get better responses though. im actually going through some difficult times with a good friend of mine. she has changed drastically in the past few months, and we have grown apart. i honestly dont even like hanging out with her anymore so i think friendships are similar to relationships, you have different stages and you may reach a point where its time to go your seperate ways, or take a break from eachother.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  July 3,2009, 8:57pm
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A best friend is different things to different people. I can't tell you what that means to everyone, only what it means to me, and really, even then, it's easier for me to describe the quality my best friend has than to define what a best friend is.



My best friend:
  • is non-judgmental. I can talk with this person about anything and everything and know that when the conversation is done, this person is still going to be my best friend and is still going to feel the same way about me.
  • accepts me for who I am, flaws and all, and believe me, I have flaws!
  • understands me, even when I don't.
  • knows when I need help, sometimes before I know it, and is always there to extend a helping hand, offer a shoulder to cry on, or just listen to me ramble, whine, and complain when I need to vent.
  • "gets" me--my humor, my way of thinking, my perspective.
  • loves me like I'm family.
  • treats me with respect, kindness, courtesy, and always supports me.
  • always wishes and truly wants the best for me.
  • tells me the truth, straight up, whether I want to hear it or not, because sometimes it's about what's needed and not what's wanted.
  • doesn't run off behind my back and share my private matters with the rest of the world.
  • respects our differences and doesn't try to change me.
  • protects me from my own poor judgment, when needed.
  • shares common interests with me.
  • will drop everything and hop on a plane if truly needed, and has done this for me twice in the past 25 years.
  • knows that I will do all of these things, as well, and that there's no shame in asking for anything from me.
I don't know if this helps you or not, but maybe it will give you an idea of why my best friend isn't just a friend or an acquaintance. I could probably add to the list, but I think you get the picture.

Hope it's useful to you! Good luck with whatever hurdle you are facing!
 
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StlRock is offline StlRock Post #7  July 3,2009, 9:19pm
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This is more of a question about women and their desire to find the love of their life and a best friend in one. I am just wondering if most people are in too much of a hurry, or are expecting too much, too soon? Most of us here, have been through difficult times and I have been on dates where ladies are working too hard, instead of just letting a relationship grow. When I got married, my wife said I was her best friend. Through the years, she became very emotionally distant, and finally, left me for hubby # 1. Sorry if this is all convoluted, but I guess I really tried to be a best friend and look where it got me. So when a woman wants a best friend, what is she asking for?

Happy 4th

Chris
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  July 3,2009, 9:47pm
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StlRock wrote :
This is more of a question about women and their desire to find the love of their life and a best friend in one. I am just wondering if most people are in too much of a hurry, or are expecting too much, too soon? Most of us here, have been through difficult times and I have been on dates where ladies are working too hard, instead of just letting a relationship grow. When I got married, my wife said I was her best friend. Through the years, she became very emotionally distant, and finally, left me for hubby # 1. Sorry if this is all convoluted, but I guess I really tried to be a best friend and look where it got me. So when a woman wants a best friend, what is she asking for?

Happy 4th

Chris
Chris,
I'm a woman (behind the moon full of ice cream), and I agree with the best friend idea. Your partner should always be your best friend, the person with whom you feel safe to discuss anything. No relationship can ever last without this friendship firmly in place.

Physical chemistry is also important, but we can't really control this one. It will either happen or not.

And even if the physical does not happen, but you've gained a friend in the process, I don't see the loss here at all... It's a win/win as far as I'm concerned, as long as there are no lies or "(mis)leading on" involved.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #9  July 4,2009, 12:06am
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I am blessed with a few incredibly close friends, and so my reflex when I see the phrase "best friend" is to see their faces and feel warm and safe inside. Makes me sad that someone gave you that door to come through, and then closed it. Would've broken my heart.

To tell you about what this female looks for, let me tell you about a few of their characteristics.

I met each in a different way--and today only one lives here in St. Louis--but each means so much to me that when they are in need, I drop everything. Which they have done for me. We've been through the easy parts long ago, we've hit our bumpy roads and made it through those, too. With one, we hit a disagreement so hard we chose to take a bit of a break from each other until we could sort it out...this last one is actually my closest and longest time friend. Who knows every secret, even the ones I don't know. Who knows me better than I do, and still cheers me on, sets me straight, and cries with me. The day my dad died, she flew to DC from Phoenix within hours, and was my quiet strength. Something happens to her, and I worry about her until I know she's doing better--or just hop a plane and show up. I don't have to talk to my closest friends every day to know I love them and they love me back, unconditionally. I just know it in my gut, and don't have to burn the phone lines to make sure.

One is a male friend I actually met online years ago. We decided on one of our first dates we made better buddies than dates--we hung out together for who knows how many years & how many ballgames and could talk about everything. Cool difference with an opposite sex best friend is the perspective they give you when you talk about anything from work to politics to dating woes and successes. Couple years back he brought me someone he'd met that was very special to "look over". I danced at their wedding, and now she is a beloved friend with whom I may one day be "best".

So what might I want in a man, were I to say "best friend"? Someone who stands the test of time, who may make mistakes but owns up to them and gives me the space to do the same. Someone with whom I have taken the time to get to know in many ways, including ways/means I am not so keen to show anyone. Someone, that when we hit a wall and really are in jeopardy--we find a way through it and come out stronger and more trusting in the end.

None of this comes in dates 1-6. Maybe year 6, maybe earlier. Not sure the exact moment of it when it happens, but just find that someone new has moved into a very private place in my heart and I will do anything I can to be there for them and make them happy--as they will do for me.
Last edited by simplemind; July 4,2009 at 12:10am.
 
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Altair is offline Altair Post #10  July 4,2009, 9:38pm
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First off, it is very hard for a woman and a man to be best friends and not have one at some point get romantic thoughts. This is great when that feeling is mutual, not so much when you are stuck in the friend zone with the other. I think a true best friendship starts with your mate only when you are actually in a relationship. Women and men sometimes try to make things happen, as you say. I don't particularly like "fast track". It just seems they never work out for very long. I agree with you, you have to let it ripen a bit to get the full sweetness that a relationship will bring and rushing it is like picking fruit when it is still green. Friends change whether it be from finding others that they click with better or maybe from depression which tends to change people and cause them to withdraw. Unfortunately, most people don't like being around depressed people so if you suffer from depression you also lose your friends. You can have a best friend for 30 years and you can still split up. And the most common reason is because someone's feelings got hurt along the way.
 
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