deannabrown is offline deannabrown Post #1  July 2,2009, 6:24am
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How do you end a long term relationship if he just doesn't get it? I've been trying for months and he keeps coming back. I know he has to come around since we have kids, but why does he have to make it personal every time? What will it take to finally end this thing?????
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  July 2,2009, 9:07am
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What do you mean "he has to make it personal every time" ???
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  July 2,2009, 9:29am
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If you have kids together, you will ALWAYS have a relationship of sorts with him. I'm assuming you weren't married. If you don't have one already, sit down with an attorney or mediator and work out a Parenting Plan with him. After that is formalized, then ONLY respond to communications from him concerning the kids, and try to do that by e-mail (not in person or via phone) as much as possible.

Do NOT respond to communications that don't deal with the kids... anything else in your life is none of his business. It takes two to keep engaging in this. If you don't continue responding he'll eventually tire of it and quit.
 
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tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #4  July 2,2009, 10:15am
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Again, I agree with wonderwomen, he will get tired of it in time if you do what wonderwomen said. If he starts getting personal, just say, "if it has nothing to do with the kids we have nothing more to talk about now" or if he calls and starts of in a personal manner, just say, "is this call have anything to do with the kids", if not, "then we have nothing more to talk about". When having kids, I think it is very important that the 2 parents can talk in a good manner about the kids and stay in your kids lives and activities. Just don't share anything personal with him, it is none of his business anymore but the kids are and should be his only concern now. Mediator or family counselor is a good idea, maybe he needs a second party to help him understand and deal with it.
 
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DIVISION is offline DIVISION Post #5  July 2,2009, 10:27am

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deannabrown wrote :
How do you end a long term relationship if he just doesn't get it? I've been trying for months and he keeps coming back. I know he has to come around since we have kids, but why does he have to make it personal every time? What will it take to finally end this thing?????
If you have kids with him, he'll always be in your life.

This is the kind of thing you should have thought about before you decided to have his children.

Women never cease to amaze......

It will always be personal as long as you share custody of the children.
 
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tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #6  July 2,2009, 11:23am
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No Division, there is a difference in being personal and talking about the kids after a separation or divorce. I been divorced 9 years and have 2 kids, there is a difference, your personal life is no business of the other party anymore, period. And how is someone really suppose to know what is going to occur after a separation or divorce. I really don't like that statement "This is the kind of thing you should have thought about before you decided to have his children" . Just like you really don't know what kind of parents you are going to be together, really. Bad statement in my opinion. Are you married, ever been married, ever had kids, been divorced??? My xwife was like day and night after the divorce. Someone that use to say, "I will never do this to you" well...
 
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bb3848 is offline bb3848 Post #7  July 2,2009, 11:57am
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Yes it will end when one of you dies. Other wise there will allways be a connection because of the kids. It amazes me how the women can just end it when they think the time is right,just like getting rid of an old pair of shoes!!! the guy has to go along with everything. Figure it out ladies when you have kids with this guy. Unless the guy or gal is a deadbeat and does not care for the kids and never comes around. you will allways have a bit of tension when you are around each other. even though both of you have moved on,you both will still think you are both right in the matter!!! there was not and problem solveing before the divorce,, why would there be any now?? its the toughest thing I have ever been through,,can you tell?? I have lost my father and one brother and this by far is the worst thing for me and my kids. She has no problem,she did not shed one tear in this entire mess.I know I will be bitter for years to come and its only bothering myself. I ask God every day to help me though it. Good luck all.
 
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bb3848 is offline bb3848 Post #8  July 2,2009, 12:10pm
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yes It will end when one of you leaves the childrens lives by death or departure. If one of you was not in the kids lives there would be no reason to connect with your ex. I have found out in the last 9 months of dating divorced woman that most of them were the one to file for the divorce.I have met at least 30-40 women for a drink or cup of coffee. I only went out for the second drink with two of them. They were the two women out of 30-40 that did not file the divorce, the man did. They seem to be in the same boat as myself. I feel alot of women try the marriage/kid thing to complete themselve and find out later that they can go it alone ,,(they think) some can ,,some cant.The woman can go file and expect the hubby to go along with everything because this is what she wants and she allways gets what she wants. right guys??anyway,, there will allways be a connection with you and your ex as long as he or she is connected with the kids.enough said,, common sense will go along way on both sides!!!
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #9  July 2,2009, 3:15pm
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tommyboy047 wrote :
Again, I agree with wonderwomen, he will get tired of it in time if you do what wonderwomen said. If he starts getting personal, just say, "if it has nothing to do with the kids we have nothing more to talk about now" or if he calls and starts of in a personal manner, just say, "is this call have anything to do with the kids", if not, "then we have nothing more to talk about". When having kids, I think it is very important that the 2 parents can talk in a good manner about the kids and stay in your kids lives and activities. Just don't share anything personal with him, it is none of his business anymore but the kids are and should be his only concern now. Mediator or family counselor is a good idea, maybe he needs a second party to help him understand and deal with it.
I agree with both of you. +2
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #10  July 2,2009, 3:23pm
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DIVISION wrote :
If you have kids with him, he'll always be in your life.

This is the kind of thing you should have thought about before you decided to have his children.

Women never cease to amaze......

It will always be personal as long as you share custody of the children.



Danger, danger!! Superior Attitude on Board!!
 
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