IsHeForMe is offline IsHeForMe Post #11  July 3,2009, 4:14pm
IsHeForMe's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

As I already responded -- he is not from Nigeria, he is just not for me. Period. Also, it's not necessary to call me "very lonely". I am not THAT lonely as I was being cautious from the start. If I was THAT lonely, I would have already jumped on a plane and/or fully committed myself to him. I'd rather be alone than with someone like this, that is for sure.

I simply posted this story to get confirmation of what I was already feeling. I have already reduced if not eliminated him from my calls/emails and do not intend to pursue this further.

I appreciate all the comments and suggestions. I got the answer I was looking for.
 
  Reply With Quote
Emmma is offline Emmma Post #12  July 3,2009, 5:15pm
Emmma's Avatar

is ready for the weekend!

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 58

See profile

Have you guys sent pictures to each other?
I think you should tell him EXACTLY what you told us and if he ends it then it was not meant to be. I know exactly how you feel, it feels so good to hear some of the things and its exciting he is saying sweet things to you but the fact that you already need a break after 4 days is a sign.

Just tell him how you feel. I would leave the overweight part out. I mean what is normal weight anyways? Also, if looks are so important to him I would def make him fly out to see you. Let him waste his money so to speak. How far away is he?
 
  Reply With Quote
brons2 is offline brons2 Post #13  July 3,2009, 7:15pm
brons2's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

This thread makes no sense to me. You come to an Internet message board to get the answer you were hoping for? You knew the answer already.
 
  Reply With Quote
yeoww is offline yeoww Post #14  July 3,2009, 9:32pm
yeoww's Avatar

wishes you all the very best!

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 1,334

See profile

waltercl wrote :
By any chance is this guy from Nigeria?
Or an international jeweler working from an undisclosed location?
 
  Reply With Quote
Januaryoregon is offline Januaryoregon Post #15  July 3,2009, 10:52pm
Januaryoregon's Avatar

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

IsHeForMe wrote :
This is somewhat strange for me. I met a guy on an online dating site. The first time we talked it was on the phone. It was nice and we got to know each other a little bit. We talked for a few hours that first night. The next night we talked even longer and about more things about ourselves. Then, I was taken off-guard: He said he really liked me and suggested that we were a couple. He doesn't want me to date other people. He asked if I considered him my boyfriend.

WHAT?!?!?!

I will not lie. It felt kind of nice to hear these types of things because it has been a while, but after only 2 days? We are still strangers, right? For some reason, maybe because I felt a little pressured, I agreed not to persue other men.

Then, the next night (day 3) he asked again about the status of our "relationship". He said he thought about me all day. He said he misses me during the day. He said he wants me to come there for a visit (he lives in another state). As nice and gently as I could, I suggested that we should probably get to know each other better. I said I was willing to explore things further to see where things are going. I said that I liked talking to him and that I was willing to give things a shot, but that I didn't want to rush into anything. He responded with something along the lines of "We're not rushing. I like you a lot. I want you here, near me. I wish you were here."

I know that you can bond with someone quickly when you talk about intimate details of your life. It happens all the time. But there are some things I am uncomfortable with:

1. He has made some negative comments about overweight people, and I am overweight. I am working on losing weight and making some great progress, but feeling far more self conscious knowing what he has said. I am always on the verge of telling him that I'm overweight I am an attractive woman who just needs to lose weight, but because of the comments he has made about fat people, I think that if I tell him that I'm overweight, he'll lie and say he's ok with it and then flip when he meets me. Especially since this is a Long Distance Relationship (LDR).

2. Within a 3 day period, he is already talking about incredibly intimate/personal things that are almost taboo for most people. I am comfortable talking about sex. That isn't the problem. It's other personal details that almost kill the mood. It's kind of hard to find someone sexy and alluring when they are so freely able to discuss things relating to... well... going to the bathroom. I know that sounds gross, but that is it. He talks about it so much, and I keep trying to change the subject but he keeps changing it back.

3. He has admitted to me, actually on the first night we talked, that he has a fetish. I said I'm not comfortable with it. I said I don't know if I could get into it. He keeps pushing it. It makes me uncomfortable and when I say "Not tonight. I really don't want to." He says, "Oh come on. Not again. I want you to get comfortable doing this all the time. I want you to do this for me." I can tell you that it's not a dangerous thing and certainly nothing I would consider to be against anybody's ethical or moral judgements (it relates to clothing). The problem is that I do not WANT to do what he is asking me to do, especially since it's over the phone. The problem is that I have told him I am uncomfortable with it and he is still pushing it. I know that when you really care about someone, really love someone, it is more likely that you will WANT to do something to please him/her, but I feel this is way too soon to be pushing a fetish on me. I finally said I would think about it. He suggested that meant "no". I said it's not a "no" but that I need some time to get more comfortable with the idea. It's new to me and I need to ease into it.

4. He wants me to visit and he's already calling me "sweetheart" and "babydoll". As much as I love hearing this from a man who seems to want me, I think this is far too much when there is so much he doesn't know about me. I have even suggested this "There is so much we do not know about eachother! Tell me more about your family and friends." He says that we have all the time in the world to get to know eachother. Yes, this is true, but considering this is a LTR, the rules are a little different. I can't just meet him for coffee, or dinner and a movie and then go home. He wants me to fly out to meet him, and when I suggested him coming to see me first he said "You've never been here. You should see a place you've never seen." Being that I am a woman, without sounding too old fashioned, I think he should come here first. I think he should stay in a hotel, for at least the first night, just in case there is no chemistry.

5. As I sit and write this, I have received 2 missed phone calls from him, a voice mail AND a text message asking me if I'm ok (all in less than 30 minutes), because I haven't called him today/tonight. IT HAS ONLY BEEN 4 DAYS SINCE WE FIRST TALKED! I had a life before I met him. To be quite honest, I need a break from the pressure of the fetish conversation and the all too intimate bathroom details. There's just something I like about the old fashioned courting process. I am modern woman and independent, but I am also very passionate, empathetic, and caring. I like that there is someone who likes me and thinks he wants me, but is all this intimate/taboo talk way too creepy? I chose to NOT speak to him today because I needed a break from him. I feel bad about that, but I guess that is a sign that we may not be a good match.

The bottom line is that in our conversations, we are so much alike that it's crazy! The things we like and dislike are incredible, and he is the first person I have ever met that agrees with so much of my likes/dislikes. I think there is potential but I just do not know how to express this without instantly driving him away. I almost feel bad that I am not as emotionally attached to him, as he is to me. I don't want to play games. I am trying to be diplomatic and honest so as not to hurt his feelings. But in such a short time, I am growing almost irritated. How can I deal with this without ending it? I guess if he can't deal with the few things I feel so strongly about, then how will it be a year from now and I have moved to be with him? I definitely to not want to end up in an almost abusive and controlling relationship. I deserve better. I just need help in dealing with these conversations.
You must have met the same man I did!! In fact, I just got home from a date with him. He lives 5 hours away and drove down to meet me (so he said) We had started emailing back and forth and then by day #4 he want my phone number so we could talk on the phone. He was calling me sweetheart on the phone and told me to get off of eharmony because he was now my 'boyfriend' he kept saying 'just call me boyfriend'- He would joke about how he could not wait to meet me in person and 'touch me and hold me and just snuggle in bed'- I assured him that I was not 'that type' of girl and in fact am reserved until I am certain with the man and would not even 'hold his hand' as he kept requesting. Tonight we met for the first time and he tried to hold my hand all through dinner and I would catch him peeking around my scarf to see down my shirt- on the drive home he started getting upset saying "I drove 5 hours and you are responsible for my happiness and I am not having fun, I drove down here with some expectations and I have been on hundreds of these dates and I have never met a woman like you who would not even hold my hand"-- I did not FEEL IT. There was NO chemistry and if I had lead him on in this way he would have expected more. He was staying at a nearby hotel and kept asking me to go to his room to "look at pictures of his grandson"- I told him no many times and he started yelling at me in the car that I was selfish and "You are supposed to make me happy"-- oh my goodness - this was the true date from Hell.
 
  Reply With Quote
clembrinkley39 is offline clembrinkley39 Post #16  July 4,2009, 3:43am
clembrinkley3…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I just moved a lady into my hart .How well will my hart pump for this lady.And are we thinking the same ?
 
  Reply With Quote
Bouffy is offline Bouffy Post #17  July 4,2009, 4:45am
Bouffy's Avatar

isn't as easy to see through as you think.

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2008

Sault Ste. Marie ON

Posts: 101

See profile

He sounds like a fairly strange person... If you do end up taking his calls don't pull your punches; It sounds like he needs a little education on how to be in a healthy relationship. If he's already talking about some of that subject matter he's probably just trying to use you for sex or as an emotional reservoir. If I was in a similar situation I'd be inclined to get rid of the psychotron. I mean, fetishes and pooping? Holy Mackinac!
 
  Reply With Quote
Emmma is offline Emmma Post #18  July 4,2009, 6:17am
Emmma's Avatar

is ready for the weekend!

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 58

See profile

clembrinkley39 wrote :
I just moved a lady into my hart .How well will my hart pump for this lady.And are we thinking the same ?
Say What?
 
  Reply With Quote
PinkFlumingo is offline PinkFlumingo Post #19  July 4,2009, 6:31am
PinkFlumingo's Avatar

knows her coworkers will run around like orangutans when she is on vacation

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Indiana

Posts: 92

See profile

IsHeForMe

Tell this guy there are plenty of other dating sites for his fetish activity.

Then run for your life - before you end up strangled in your own pantyhose!
 
  Reply With Quote
pamcam is offline pamcam Post #20  July 4,2009, 6:49am
pamcam's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

El Paso, Texas

Posts: 641

See profile

Clearly he has demonstrated no respect for your boundaries or feelings. Communicate this directly and that you need and are giving yourself a break from talking w/ him. He either receives the message and changes the way he relates to you--or not, as I imagine he won't. The whole thing sounds creepy to me. Don't worry about driving him away--it's about you, your real needs (which come first over his want/demand/expectation that you, someone he hasnt met, fulfill his fetish.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Need help about a past love!!! | Ask a Dating Expert | TAKING FRIENDSHIP TO NEXT THE NEXT LEVEL »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Closing when denying request to fast track PinayBeauty Using eHarmony 18 December 22,2009 4:51pm
Separated 3 months and she's already moving in with the new guy. OttOn Relationships 20 November 11,2009 10:13pm
seems like a great guy but he's moving too fast sillyramone Dating 40 September 11,2009 1:51pm
Fast tracking on eharmony..... ktxmom Using eHarmony 3 June 24,2009 6:27pm
too much too fast CityChick Using eHarmony 18 June 23,2009 1:57pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:24am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0