Emme is offline Emme Post #1  July 1,2009, 4:36pm

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Ok, I have had this rather strange online interaction with a guy from another site for several months. and while I have strong theories about what is going on, I am curious if others who are more objective see the same things I do or have a different viewpoint.

I saw his profile on the other site and it was witty and charming. He was quite good looking and highly educated so I figured I had no shot so I just shot him an email that he had a great profile. Slowly we started emailing back and forth, ended up IMing on yahoo nightly or most nights, even just briefly at times. Somehow things got a little contentious and we got snippy because we mis communicated on a couple things. Easy enough to do on email or IM. He went so far at one point to tell me he was moving on and was closing his IM and "good luck to you", this after a few months of some rather intense, interesting conversations. Some time after he got back in contact, or I contacte him and he responded.

We then moved to Facebook, where I have been a member for some time and he just joined. Within a few days he said he had 3 rules for his wall on facebook - no excessive negativity, no personal attacks and something else I forget. He claimed I broke the first two rules, once by insulting his family (I don't recall this at all) and that several people had asked him about me. We are backing off now and trying to be just friendly and positive.

I know I have issues with being rejected, so when he stops emailing me or contacting me with a cold "good luck to you" it cut me like a knife. I know that about myself and know that I likely over reacted to that. But he always is good with getting back in touch. I can't decide if he's humoring me just in hopes I'll eventually go away, or if there is something there and we should meet, get it out in the open and get it over with once and for all. We have much in common on paper, similar senses of humor, both educated and well read, love sports, etc.

Any theories? At this point I'm not looking for more than an occasional friendly hello. I have just started a very casual dating relationship with a very nice man and am slated to meet a couple other men from eH, so I'm not looking for romance from this guy. I'm just baffled. Any ideas?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 1,2009, 4:47pm
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Emme wrote :
Any theories?

You waited a few months too long to meet.

And, I'd guess you're not on the same page with communication style (or how rapidly you take offense to someone's style.)
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #3  July 1,2009, 4:58pm

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I suggested meeting. First time he cancelled, second time I did cuz I was sick.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  July 1,2009, 5:16pm
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Several months? You should try to meet sooner. Maybe see if you can meet him again?

And kudos to you for joining eHarmony again.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #5  July 1,2009, 5:21pm
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So, once you got better you guys didn't get to meet still? I'm guessing but it could be a little frustration on his part. I know you well enough to know that you are a smart, funny, independent woman with a heart of gold. As much as you feel he has a lot to offer, so do you.

I am a slow learner and I hate ambiguity but I've learned enough these past few years to take the bull by the horns when faced with a situation like this. Why not suggest meeting? Tell him you've enjoyed getting to know him online and would like to in person then let things progress from there. He could possibly be the love of your life or become a great friend, either way, what have you got to lose?

I think we have a need to define a relationship - are we dating, are we friends, is this a "relationship" relationship, rather than just let things be. IRL things tend to progress more naturally, online it isn't so clear.
Last edited by sabete2002; July 1,2009 at 5:22pm. Reason: Because I am on my 3rd glass of wine and I'm not sure that this makes sense!!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  July 1,2009, 5:22pm
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I don’t like his “rules.”
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Emme is offline Emme Post #7  July 1,2009, 5:27pm

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My guess is because he has zero interest in me romantically. And I'm ok with that. Though he does say some very flirty things from time to time. Maybe I should suggest meeting again.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #8  July 1,2009, 5:36pm

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Ok, I emailed him and asked if he thinks we are so contentious becasue we haven't met in person, and if we should just meet and figure out if we like each other in any capacity whatsoever. Or if he simply has no interest in meeting me at all.

In the end, it doesn't really matter since I pretty much have a hopeless crush on someone I've met only once but who is very kind and supportive. At least I finally like a guy who seems nice instead of an arrogant POS.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #9  July 1,2009, 5:44pm

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And there's my answer. He doesn't think meeting in person will do anything. Then he asked if a single friend of mine is on FB. So much for that.
 
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oostitch is offline oostitch Post #10  July 1,2009, 6:13pm
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any man who sets 'rules' for something so ridiculous as facebook is better left behind. and if he's accusing you of insulting his mommy or whatever he claimed you did is further proof that he's either not well or looking for an easy way out. dont put yourself in that position. go out and have fun. meet real live men, not mr 'witty and charming' through my monitor.
 
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