35-year-old who has never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship


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Michael1974 is offline Michael1974 Post #1  June 30,2009, 8:20pm
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Hello all. I just joined the site this evening, and have been reading some of the threads. Here is my situation: I am a 35-year-old male who has never been in a relationship. How bad is the stigma for this? Is a stigma even appropriate? The question you may have would be - are you afraid of commitment? The answer is categorically no. I have always wanted to be in a committed relationship with one woman. I have tried and tried and tried, but most women out there are simply not interested. As for the women who have shown an interest in me ... they always leave with the reason that they feel they are not worthy of me or since guys in the past have hurt them so badly they are so confused because they are not used to being with a great guy. One girl said she has to leave me because I am "awesome". Huh? She left me because she thinks I'm awesome???

Where do I meet women? Everywhere. I was never one for the bar or club scene and I have always sought places where serious single women go. I still do seek those places out and have been going to speed dating parties in recent years (been to over 20 of them since 2003) ... women almost always put "no" for me for a second "date" and there is little-to-no follow-up by the women who put "yes" down for me. I am shy, and am not able to approach random women so I use the internet and speed dating parties as ice-breakers.

I would think that women would feel that if they hear about a man who is in his 30s with no real relationship experience, they would just run and ride. People should really research and ask questions instead of jumping to conculsions. Again, I have always tried to find someone, and was always serious about the search, but here I am at 35 and still nothing. The search continues. Michael
Last edited by Michael1974; June 30,2009 at 8:23pm. Reason: 1. punctuation 2. spelling. oops.
 
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oostitch is offline oostitch Post #2  July 1,2009, 5:53am
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hi michael,
do you think it might be the type of women youre setting your sights on? i've never been one to meet people at bars or clubs either and i've never really heard success stories from speed dating. the reason i joined eharmony was to find someone who was on the same page as me in regards to starting a serious relationship. everyone i've been matched with and have spoken to are actually good people and we have many things in common even if we never meet in person or just have 1 conversation and never speak again. and if these women are telling you they are not worthy of you then they may have some self esteem issues and you dont want to deal with that to begin with. can it be that youre trying too hard and coming off too aggresive? also you probably shouldnt disclose every detail of your dating life to them and how youve never had a steady girlfriend. at least not until youre committed to eachother and build the comfort level. when you meet someone, everything should be fresh and based on having new experiences with that person, not worrying about repeating or revealing past mistakes. if she likes you, she wont care if you dated a whole cheerleading team, she'll be so happy that SHE was the one who got you to settle down and want to spend your life with her. good luck!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 1,2009, 6:20am
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I agree you may not want to tell them you've never had a girlfriend.

I actually met someone years ago (friend of a friend - he probably never would have had the courage to initiate contact on his own) in your boat. Never had a girlfriend.

He was so nervous his hands were shaking! Hard to make conversation. I was polite, but just itching to get out of there. I didn't want to be anybody's learning experience!

So don't tell them. Not till you're on firm ground with them. At your age, trust me, they're going to wonder why...

I hope you are successful in your quest.
 
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estee is offline estee Post #4  July 1,2009, 6:34am
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Perhaps you were too honest about yourself. go on a date with an open mind, and maybe not telling the girl you dating about your not steady relationship and also never had a girlfriend.
And at 35yr you look even more younger and of course you have alot of chances of meeting with someone special, but you also have to be self confident.

Recently i met (online) a guy who wrote on profile that he is 34. after talking on yahoo chat by calling the computer, he told me that he is 39yr and that he made a mistake of writing 34yr in his profile and also that he lost his virginity at the age of 37yr, and that he is still practicing. then i was like,...what are you practicing,..and he said he is practicing more on SEX. i was like,..OK thats fine,..one can always practice and be perfect. But the thing that really turn me OFF was when he said that he will visit me so we can "Practice Together" .
But i know your own situation is different, but its still better if you dont release too much about your self.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 1,2009, 6:36am
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If the photo is your own, feel free to pm me your number.
I've been experimenting with online dating for the past few months, and I can tell you that a man, who can write in other than text language, and even spell, is a rare find indeed.

I don't normally go for younger men, especially when the age gap is so significant, but I'll be more than happy to conduct some strictly scientific testing on you, all in the name of research. I'm joking, of course

How about you forget how old you are and the number of girfriends you've had or not, and concetrate on getting involved with the right woman, and just having a great time?

I would't hold it against you (as long as there are no commitment or intimacy issues). I'd be more concerned if you told me that you've had 20 serious girfriend, to be honest...

Good luck and enjoy the ride!
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 1,2009 at 6:39am.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #6  July 1,2009, 6:39am
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i think your second photo is better than the suit and tie photo. the suit and tie, along with the "conservative" tag, give you an aura of ralph reed. i'm pretty conservative myself, but ralph is frightening. he's just wound too tight.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  July 1,2009, 6:44am
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lil_lamb wrote :
i think your second photo is better than the suit and tie photo. the suit and tie, along with the "conservative" tag, give you an aura of ralph reed. i'm pretty conservative myself, but ralph is frightening. he's just wound too tight.
I beg to differ on this one.
The suit and tie does all the right things for me
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #8  July 1,2009, 6:51am
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Michael1974 wrote :
I am a 35-year-old male who has never been in a relationship...
Where do I meet women?
oostitch wrote :
hi michael,
Michael meet oostitch, oostitch meet Michael.
 
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musmusculus is offline musmusculus Post #9  July 1,2009, 8:58am
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Hey Michael,

Take heart! Until late April, I was a 41 yo guy who had never been in a relationship. THERE IS NO STIGMA, so don't let your lack of experience sap your confidence. At the same time, don't blurt out "You're my first date" on a first date. Relationship history isn't anybody's business this early in anyway. Play it cool and live in the present moment with whomever you meet.

From your profile, you appear to be an intelligent and well educated guy with varied tastes and interests. You're probably open-minded when it comes to other people's interests too. Your speed dating experiences makes me believe that you are presenting yourself the wrong way. Perhaps you're coming across as desperate. Perhaps you're targeting women who aren't mature enough to recognize a good catch when they see one.

I started dating for the first time in my life in early March. I entered the process demanding nothing and expecting nothing. I was happy with my life as it was and was simply looking for someone to share it and complement it - not complete it. Having this mindset brings with it a confidence that most women admire. As far as most women are concerened, there is no stigma associated with having little or no dating experience - however, many such people often come across as clingy and desperate - a huge turnoff. Perhaps that's where the perceived stigma lies.

I joined three free sites in addition to EH. I had dates from all of them, but I was glad that I had cast such a wide net since my current GF had only joined one free site. She knows that she is my first real relationship and she has no problem with it whatsoever. In fact, I think that it makes her feel more special in my eyes. I didn't share this information with her until we had been dating for six weeks.

Good luck!!!
 
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oostitch is offline oostitch Post #10  July 1,2009, 9:37am
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LOL tweet37!!
 
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