LittlePrincess8 is offline LittlePrincess8 Post #1  June 30,2009, 11:57am
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I met a guy on eharmony who lived about 1300 miles away. We started talking on the phone and continued talking for about 9 months. We connected instantly and he told me he never felt this way about anyone before. At the time he was unemployed and looking for a job. I supported him in everyway I could and about 3 months later he found a job. After that things started moving a little faster and he told me he loved me neither of us could afford to come out to visit; but our conversations continued by text, e-mail and phone. When we had been talking for about 6 month I found out that I would be loosing my job and that’s when things got a little weird. We talked a little less and I wondered what was going on. A month later he told me that he just wanted to be friends with no explanation. I was upset because I thought this was someone who really cared about me and then he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I asked him why he just wanted to be friends and he told me it was because I had no drive or ambitions and an unstable job. I honestly did not know what to say to that since I hung in there and supported him through his unemployment. Also he told me in the beginning the one thing he loved about me was my passion and ambition I had for my job. I am upset because I supported him when he was unemployed and he left me when the going got though. He told me all this in an e-mail and I haven’t talked to him since. (about 3 months). I am smart enough to know that if he can’t handle my job loss he would never be able to handle all the ups and downs of a relationship in time. My problem is I still do love him; but am trying my best to move on. I thought about telling him how he hurt me and maybe that would bring me closer; but at the same time I am thinking he doesn’t deserve anything from me. So I am just wondering… should I tell him how I feel or keep trying to move on and eventually the storm will pass. Hope that makes sense. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #2  June 30,2009, 2:23pm
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Have you even met this guy? You fell in love with someone you've never met? Really?
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #3  June 30,2009, 2:46pm
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You’ve got feelings for him still- those are real emotions. May not be the big "L-" who knows? But the thing is, it sounds like he’s not the right man for you, and you know it. Don’t contact him again. He’s not worth the price of your anger… or your tears. Grieve for the fact that he didn’t measure up to your expectations, and move on as best you can. I wish you luck, and hope you find joy again soon.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  June 30,2009, 2:46pm
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You are in "love" with what you thought he was and the person you hoped he would be for you. But, that isn't love, I'm afraid. The fact is that -- no matter how many times you spoke on the phone or emailed each other -- you don't really know each other. You know some things about each other, but not much of the stuff that has to do with real life.

He apparently came to a realization that this type of relationship isn't what he wants. Or, perhaps he met someone in real life who lives in his area and is pursuing that relationship instead (the reasons don't really matter, though).

The bottom line is that you will have to move on. Feel free to write him a letter if you wish -- just don't send it. If you write it, do it for you, not because you expect some sort of closure from him.

As much as it hurts now, you will feel better in time (if you find that you are feeling very depressed, or that you are unable to move on after a few months, then please think about spending some time with a therapist/counselor).
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  July 1,2009, 6:38am
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I wouldn't tell him anything. If you wrote him, & he took a look at himself, it might make a difference. Your goal should not be to improve him in any way. Let him go live his miserable life turning away people who could love him. He'll be the worse for it, not you.

If you really want to write that letter, just don't mail it!
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  July 1,2009, 6:58am
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You are likely to have fallen in love with an idealized image of this man. You've only heard the words and have never seen him in action or in relation to other people and the world around us.

It is extremely easy to do because people usually exhibit only their best qualities in such communications (and some even practice wishful thinking), and you cannot be objective about him at all. So, I wouldn't call it love.

It was an infatuation. I understand that the feeling is still strong, but I wouldn't do anything about it. Concentrate on your career concerns, and the feeling should pass pretty quickly since you do not have any real life memories to hold on to.

Good luck in finding someone closer!
 
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estee is offline estee Post #7  July 1,2009, 7:48am
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Am sorry fot that weird exsperience, but believe me,..he is already a liar and a looser and he will always be.
Littleprincess8 i admire your courage and i really do have respect for the way you showed him that you cared and also being a loving kind person to him even when he was unemployed.

But,..be strong and move on to the greener Zone, Dont Give Up!
and still be open to any realationship that comes your way with that same sweet loving mind you got, befor you know it, you will meet with that speacial one who will appreciate a "special woman" like you. try get over him, keep yourself busy. pray that God will protect your job. keep a right altitude and be happy for who you are.
goodluck and keep dating with same sweet heart of your's .
 
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oostitch is offline oostitch Post #8  July 1,2009, 5:34pm
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i'm so sorry youre going through this! that is absolutely horrible what he did. karma will catch up with him though. i was in a long distance relationship for about a year and we got along great but the thought of giving him money or even asking for it was not something i even thought about. i had created this fantasy in my head about us finally living together and so forth but in reality you dont know what theyre really like, you see what you want to see and it's usually all the good stuff. you need to spend time with the person, physically, see how they react to certain situations, what theyre like when theyre mad, when they wake up, when theyre stuck in traffic, in their natural habitat! it sounds like he used you unfortunately and the only positive thing you can take from this is the experience and use it to your advantage. i can guarantee you you will never allow yourself to be in a similar situation again. move on, YOU are too good for that a--wipe!
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #9  July 1,2009, 5:41pm
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I too am sorry you had to experience this. It sounds like he might have been looking for someone to take care of him financially? At any rate, he does not deserve you. I wouldn't contact him again; what would be the point? He's probably not going to help you to get closure - that's something you'll have to do for yourself. And as others have said, you've never met, although your feelings are genuine, and it sounds like he's just not everything you thought he was.

You can do better.
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #10  July 1,2009, 7:08pm
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Well, that's great news! Yes it is. You know why? Because you learned who this guy really is sooner than later. You should thank your lucky stars this scam artist didn't drain you of your life blood first before he dumped you.

You learned a valuable lesson. Mind you it was an expensive lesson in terms of time and money. Its okay to make mistakes IF and only if you learn from it and don't make the same mistake twice. No need to tell him "how you feel" or ask him "I just wanna know why". Move on with your life. Cut your losses and save your sanity.
 
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