How much should I expect a man to do for me?


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katykat is offline katykat Post #1  June 29,2009, 9:22pm
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I'm so frustrated! I am a single mom and I work 2 jobs. I am exhausted by the end of the day and feel stressed out ALL the time! I own my own home and it's always a mess and in need of too many repairs. I rarely go out to eat or get a chance to relax anymore, My lawn is brown, covered in weeds, I feel I don't have time to do anything for myself , take care of myself, I just feel like I'm barely getting by! I have a boyfriend who is a few years younger than me, who rents a home with a couple roomates and has no kids, never been married. He works a full time job but only puts in about 20-30 hours a week compared to my 50. He makes twice as much as I do and blows his money on toys (motorcycles, etc.) and misses a few payments here and there, giving him bad credit. Mine is excellent because I'm responsible and I don't feel he is. What's the problem? I feel like I am alone in this world, doing it all on my own, yet I have someone in my life. When I was single, my lawn was green because the guy around the corner came and did it for me when he did his. Now that I have a 'man around', he doesn't do it. Same with handyman things. Boyfriend says he will help but never gets around to it. Wires are hanging from my ceiling in my room where my smoke alarm used to be!! He takes me out maybe 1 or 2 times a month and usually because I ask or beg him too. After 2 years of no vacation, I finally get a week off and he says we should 'go dutch'. Then why don't I go with my girl-friends? Do guys just not DO anything for women anymore? I mean, life just seemed so much easier when I was single. Now that he's in my life, guys don't help me anymore because he's there! When I was single and dating, a guy would suggest we go to Vegas and he paid for me and took me. When I was single, guys took me out to dinner and wined and dined me. Here I am, still unmarried, no help, doing it all on my own with none of the benefits of being single. I don't have the extra income to hire the help I need.
Am I being a spoiled brat, expecting too much? Do I sound like a gold-digger? Please, tell me if I am! I just feel like having a partner, having someone in your life should make it easier and ever since I've been coupled up, it's been harder and more work for me!! I don't understand how life went from being manageable and boderline easy to stressful and hard!? I was being so good at being independent. Now I find myself wishing I had a man to 'take care of me.' What happened?!

Am I expecting too much from a man?

Ladies - Does your man do a lot for you?

Guys - Do you help women, take them out and have a desire to do things for them?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  June 29,2009, 9:48pm
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You have the wrong man!

It's not even really his fault. You have settled on less man than you need. Would you marry him?!? I would hope NOT!!! So what the heck are you doing with him?

Take a good long look at what YOU need & want in a man. Then go get it. Don't settle for anything less than that. Your pic shows a beautiful young woman. You deserve it, so stop wasting your time on the slob.

The man you want & need is out there. He wants what you want. He wants to make your life easier. He wants to love you & your kids, and he wants your love in return. He even wants a house in good repair with a green lawn, for crying out loud!

For your children's sake you need to get serious about the man in your life. I hope you don't find me unsympathetic. I can be too blunt sometimes...

Good luck
 
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bob82 is offline bob82 Post #3  June 29,2009, 9:49pm
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If that avatar pic is really you, I would dump the BF and you will find a guy that does everything for you and more no problem - you are hot.

Super attractive women always have the easy life.

If you're not so hot, having kids, working 2 jobs and expecting a guy to do things for you is a hard sell. Guys will do everything and more without asking for you if treat him good inside and outside the bedroom.

katykat wrote :
I'm so frustrated! I am a single mom and I work 2 jobs. I am exhausted by the end of the day and feel stressed out ALL the time! I own my own home and it's always a mess and in need of too many repairs. I rarely go out to eat or get a chance to relax anymore, My lawn is brown, covered in weeds, I feel I don't have time to do anything for myself , take care of myself, I just feel like I'm barely getting by! I have a boyfriend who is a few years younger than me, who rents a home with a couple roomates and has no kids, never been married. He works a full time job but only puts in about 20-30 hours a week compared to my 50. He makes twice as much as I do and blows his money on toys (motorcycles, etc.) and misses a few payments here and there, giving him bad credit. Mine is excellent because I'm responsible and I don't feel he is. What's the problem? I feel like I am alone in this world, doing it all on my own, yet I have someone in my life. When I was single, my lawn was green because the guy around the corner came and did it for me when he did his. Now that I have a 'man around', he doesn't do it. Same with handyman things. Boyfriend says he will help but never gets around to it. Wires are hanging from my ceiling in my room where my smoke alarm used to be!! He takes me out maybe 1 or 2 times a month and usually because I ask or beg him too. After 2 years of no vacation, I finally get a week off and he says we should 'go dutch'. Then why don't I go with my girl-friends? Do guys just not DO anything for women anymore? I mean, life just seemed so much easier when I was single. Now that he's in my life, guys don't help me anymore because he's there! When I was single and dating, a guy would suggest we go to Vegas and he paid for me and took me. When I was single, guys took me out to dinner and wined and dined me. Here I am, still unmarried, no help, doing it all on my own with none of the benefits of being single. I don't have the extra income to hire the help I need.
Am I being a spoiled brat, expecting too much? Do I sound like a gold-digger? Please, tell me if I am! I just feel like having a partner, having someone in your life should make it easier and ever since I've been coupled up, it's been harder and more work for me!! I don't understand how life went from being manageable and boderline easy to stressful and hard!? I was being so good at being independent. Now I find myself wishing I had a man to 'take care of me.' What happened?!

Am I expecting too much from a man?

Ladies - Does your man do a lot for you?

Guys - Do you help women, take them out and have a desire to do things for them?
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #4  June 29,2009, 9:54pm
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Katy,

Welcome to the boards! Thanks for providing a detailed picture of your situation.

Frankly, I think you can do better. It sounds like this guy is not very good boyfriend material!

A true partner would respect you, and value the fact that you have worked hard for what you have. He would also work to nourish the relationship. It sounds like he's more interested in his toys, than in what the two of you have.

As to your question, I don't think it's fair to expect a man to do things for you. However, many men will gladly do what they can to help you out. They just want to know that you appreciate their efforts. And returning the favor, every now and then, is a big plus!

My advice is to really think about what you want here. If marriage is part of your plan, can you really see yourself with this guy for the rest of your life? See, his behavior is unlikely to change.

The good news, is that there are men out there, who would love to be with someone who values a hard day's work and quality time together. You just need to look in a new direction.

Best of luck to you!

WISYS
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #5  June 29,2009, 10:05pm
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The bad credit alone would be enough to make me stop and think. I agree with others - you have the wrong guy.

I will add, though, that my male friends tell me that many women expect lots of giving but don't feel the need to reciprocate. For example, if your boyfriend spends the afternoon doing home repairs at your place that you can't manage alone, maybe you could cook him a nice dinner. It goes both ways.
 
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bluskies4ever is offline bluskies4ever Post #6  June 30,2009, 12:07am
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So why isn't one of the suitors who wined and dined you or took you to Vegas gratis your boyfriend? It would bug me if someone said they were going to do something, like help with the smoke alarm, and then not do it, especially if it was a pattern of bait and switch.

I agree with the other poster. Tell him you will cook him a nice dinner, and then a mutual back rub after dinner, if he does a couple nice things for you around your house. If he still would rather ride his bike and hang out with his good time Charley buddies - then it might be time to move forward to greener pastures - and a greener lawn for you and your children.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  June 30,2009, 2:47am
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katykat wrote :
I'm so frustrated! I am a single mom and I work 2 jobs. I am exhausted by the end of the day and feel stressed out ALL the time! I own my own home and it's always a mess and in need of too many repairs. I rarely go out to eat or get a chance to relax anymore, My lawn is brown, covered in weeds, I feel I don't have time to do anything for myself , take care of myself, I just feel like I'm barely getting by! I have a boyfriend who is a few years younger than me, who rents a home with a couple roomates and has no kids, never been married. He works a full time job but only puts in about 20-30 hours a week compared to my 50. He makes twice as much as I do and blows his money on toys (motorcycles, etc.) and misses a few payments here and there, giving him bad credit. Mine is excellent because I'm responsible and I don't feel he is. What's the problem? I feel like I am alone in this world, doing it all on my own, yet I have someone in my life. When I was single, my lawn was green because the guy around the corner came and did it for me when he did his. Now that I have a 'man around', he doesn't do it. Same with handyman things. Boyfriend says he will help but never gets around to it. Wires are hanging from my ceiling in my room where my smoke alarm used to be!! He takes me out maybe 1 or 2 times a month and usually because I ask or beg him too. After 2 years of no vacation, I finally get a week off and he says we should 'go dutch'. Then why don't I go with my girl-friends? Do guys just not DO anything for women anymore? I mean, life just seemed so much easier when I was single. Now that he's in my life, guys don't help me anymore because he's there! When I was single and dating, a guy would suggest we go to Vegas and he paid for me and took me. When I was single, guys took me out to dinner and wined and dined me. Here I am, still unmarried, no help, doing it all on my own with none of the benefits of being single. I don't have the extra income to hire the help I need.
Am I being a spoiled brat, expecting too much? Do I sound like a gold-digger? Please, tell me if I am! I just feel like having a partner, having someone in your life should make it easier and ever since I've been coupled up, it's been harder and more work for me!! I don't understand how life went from being manageable and boderline easy to stressful and hard!? I was being so good at being independent. Now I find myself wishing I had a man to 'take care of me.' What happened?!

Am I expecting too much from a man?

Ladies - Does your man do a lot for you?

Guys - Do you help women, take them out and have a desire to do things for them?
To answer your question, yes, I help my woman, take her out, and I do have a desire to do things for her. But also she takes me out, supports me, and she does things for me too.

He makes twice as much as I do and blows his money on toys (motorcycles, etc.) and misses a few payments here and there, giving him bad credit.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #8  June 30,2009, 2:47am
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I agree with much of what has been said. The right man for you is one who will gladly help without being asked -- but not because you are attractive, but because he cares for you as a person. Youthful beauty (yours and his) will pass with time. Personal qualities often remain for a lifetime.


You carry quite a load of responsibility – and could use a helpmate who understands balance in relationships and is mature enough to place you ahead of toys and buddies.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #9  June 30,2009, 4:06am
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He sounds like he just hasn't quite grown up yet. You need a big dog, not a puppy.

Relationships are all about doing things for each other. I'd keep looking until I found someone who understood that.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #10  June 30,2009, 4:08am

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i agree with what Mr_Right posted, and will add that you need to understand that you are a grown up, and your BF is not. he's not a bad guy, you are just in two different places in life.

find a guy that is interested in being a family man and is more mature.
 
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