little_miss_sunshine213 is offline little_miss_sunshine213 Post #1  June 28,2009, 8:32pm
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So I'm a 30 year old women who has never actually had a serious relationship, and I'm starting to wonder if there's something seriously wrong with me. Yes I've dated men before here and there, but lately I can't seem to get past date number 2. I've been doing the online thing off and on for the past 2 years or so. I've met several nice guys and a couple of bad eggs too (as is expected). I feel like I know how to do the first date thing pretty well. I'm upbeat, ask him questions, answer his questions honestly, compliment him, and even offer to split the check. I am overweight, and I know this is a turnoff for a lot of guys, but I do have a full length shot in my profile so I feel like I'm being upfront about it. I have been burned by guys in the past so I do have my guard up a little, but I also make it a point to tell guys that I can be a little "shy" at first, and it may take me just a little more time to open up. With that said though, I think I come across as friendly and approachable. Unfortunately, I'm starting to get really discouraged. Anyone have any insight or advice as to what I might be doing wrong?
 
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Drexel09 is offline Drexel09 Post #2  June 28,2009, 8:38pm
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Improve your physical attractiveness if you think that is the issue.
 
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little_miss_sunshine213 is offline little_miss_sunshine213 Post #3  June 28,2009, 8:44pm
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I appreciate the advice, but if a guy doesn't want to date me because of my weight then he's not the guy for me anyways. I said that I know some guys may have an issue with it...not me.
 
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Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #4  June 28,2009, 9:08pm
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little_miss_sunshine213 wrote :
I appreciate the advice, but if a guy doesn't want to date me because of my weight then he's not the guy for me anyways. I said that I know some guys may have an issue with it...not me.
This is self-defeating logic. You believe it is a problem yet you imply that you're not going to do anything about it.

You can take the high-n-mighty/tough cookie route but make no mistake the only person that suffers is you.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #5  June 28,2009, 9:21pm
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I don't know how politically correct this opinion is but from one "thick sister" to another, it seems like you are too nice and accommodating. In a way it might do you good to think like a skinny girl because in "skinny girl's" world the guy is buying and making more of an effort to impress because this woman has put some effort (from facials, to waxing, to insane diet rituals) into looking the way she is and has certain expectations. So basically being confident in knowing what you are worth and setting yourself up as a challenge (someone worth putting in the effort to get to know better) may be an avenue to explore. There's nothing wrong with exercise if it is for the right reason...which is your health. I know when I am more diligent in following my health goals I am feeling more confident, healthy and radiating positive energy which attracts all types of people to be nearer to me. Those goals can be as simple as increasing my water intake to getting more treadmill time to making sure I make time to keep up with my religious studies. When I feel healthy I make better decisions and feel more open and less guarded.
 
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Mayne is offline Mayne Post #6  June 28,2009, 11:40pm
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little_miss_sunshine213 wrote :
So I'm a 30 year old women who has never actually had a serious relationship, and I'm starting to wonder if there's something seriously wrong with me. Yes I've dated men before here and there, but lately I can't seem to get past date number 2. I've been doing the online thing off and on for the past 2 years or so. I've met several nice guys and a couple of bad eggs too (as is expected). I feel like I know how to do the first date thing pretty well. I'm upbeat, ask him questions, answer his questions honestly, compliment him, and even offer to split the check. I am overweight, and I know this is a turnoff for a lot of guys, but I do have a full length shot in my profile so I feel like I'm being upfront about it. I have been burned by guys in the past so I do have my guard up a little, but I also make it a point to tell guys that I can be a little "shy" at first, and it may take me just a little more time to open up. With that said though, I think I come across as friendly and approachable. Unfortunately, I'm starting to get really discouraged. Anyone have any insight or advice as to what I might be doing wrong?
When you describe the things you do on a date, it almost seems like you're going through some rote script. Try acting natural.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  June 29,2009, 12:04am
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I'm going to have to go with the combination answer "Improve your physical attractiveness to help your ability to attract more men" and don't offer to pay for half the check on your first date, because I bet that's telegraphing to your dates that you're not interested.

I also agree with Raw_Truth's post as well. You're going to have a very tough time being overweight because that's the way the dating world works, and if you choose to improve yourself, that's the way to go. You can say that you're being honest by showing a full length photo, but you're looking for ways to improve your chances of getting into a relationship, correct?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  June 29,2009, 8:28am
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If they see your full length photo and can clearly see that you are overweight and still take you out on a date, then it's not your looks, because those guys are chosing with their eyes open. Not all guys want skinny women.

However the post about you need to think like a skinny b... is true. Place more value on yourself and do not split the check. The absolute grand majority of men will take that as rejection in that you only see them as a potential friend and not a date. Let the man be a man and treat you to a nice date. Be sure to thank him for a good time at the end of the date and indicate interest in him assuming there is interest.

Also, if you are trying to be nice too hard, it will come across as fake and that won't work so well either. Don't try to be completely pleasing and don't be affraid to ask some provocative questions - challenge him a little.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #9  June 29,2009, 3:04pm
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DancingFool wrote :
If they see your full length photo and can clearly see that you are overweight and still take you out on a date, then it's not your looks, because those guys are chosing with their eyes open. Not all guys want skinny women.
Back in the day I went on a number of dates with girls with only one full length photo, and many times they didn't look like their photo. It was pretty disappointing, but such is the online dating life.

In the interests of honesty, I would suggest putting up at least three full-body pictures, in addition to your normal pictures.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  June 29,2009, 3:16pm
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Mr_Right wrote :
Back in the day I went on a number of dates with girls with only one full length photo, and many times they didn't look like their photo. It was pretty disappointing, but such is the online dating life.

In the interests of honesty, I would suggest putting up at least three full-body pictures, in addition to your normal pictures.
That's why I qualified my answer by saying that if her matches can clearly see that she is overweight. Sure a lot of people can look different in photos than real life, but body type will roughly be the same unless the person has gained a few. If she has an honest photo posted, and it sounds like she does, then these guys are going in informed of the situation and are interested. On the other hand, chemistry is chemistry. You never really know who you'll find it with and you'll go on a whole lot of dates before you do.
 
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