SOULD I DATE AFTER LOSEING MY WIFE TO DEATH


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truckerjack1956 is offline truckerjack1956 Post #1  June 28,2009, 5:15pm
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I LOST MY WIFE TO DEATH IN APRIL 2009 WHAT WOULD BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO ??????
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  June 29,2009, 5:39pm
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My husband died in Oct 2008. I signed up with eHarmony thinking it would take another year or so to find somebody, & I could just sort of ease into things...

The Matches started rolling in. I discovered I am nowhere near ready, & have turned off the Matches. I'm busy Closing the ones who haven't Closed me.

I may reopen Matches in the future (perhaps in Oct?), but for now, no.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  June 29,2009, 5:47pm
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My thought about any lost partner, for whatever reason, is that when you can meet a new person of the opposite sex, and have romantic interest in him or her, without being consumed by feelings for the prior partner.

It is something you feel, not a set period of time.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  June 29,2009, 6:27pm
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In my opinion, no you shouldn't date yet. The fact that you are asking this question is only proof of that.

Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your wife. Don't try to numb it. Go through all the pain and frustration you need. Even smash a few glasses, if it helps and does not hurt anyone in close proximity. You need to experience the full scope of this pain before you break out of it.

Once that's all done, then date to your heart's content. You should definitely not deprive yourself of the pleasure of female company. Your wife's death was not your fault and you're suffering enough as is.

My advice would be to start slowly, when you feel ready. Don't put any unnecessary extra pressures on yourself or your dating partners. Start out with friendship, if you can, then build on it. It should make it easier for you to deal with, and allow time for necessary adjustments.

I'm truly sorry about your loss.
Best of luck for the future!
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #5  June 29,2009, 8:34pm
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The death of your wife is very recent.
I think it may be to soon, if you are asking.
I also lost my husband and when I was ready, I knew I was ready.
I also think it depends on how she passed, was there a long illness? Have you felt like you have been alone for a long time.
Hang out with your friends. Get out and do things you enjoy, you will know when it's time.
 
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buffaloacademy is offline buffaloacademy Post #6  June 29,2009, 9:03pm
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Having lost my husband not too long ago, I consider myself lucky to have a pastor who lost his wife to sudden illness when he was quite young. He has been a solid example for me. He remarried soon but not immediately. His new wife was a church friend who came to his side to help care for his children. She says she first fell in love with the children. Wisdom is important. Speed is not.
 
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avinash is offline avinash Post #7  June 30,2009, 6:29am
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If you have to ask, then no you are not ready, when you are ready you will know it without needing to ask anyone
 
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LivingSunset is offline LivingSunset Post #8  June 30,2009, 6:43am
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Not yet! You have barely begun your grieving journey.

First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband very suddenly 3 1/2 years ago. I do know how you feel and I know how bad the loneliness can be. Some days you think it will literally drive you insane. I have encountered many widows and widowers over the last few years and have discussed this topic many times. I think you will know in your heart when you are truly ready to date again, the timing is different for everyone and there is no right or wrong answer to this. I would suggest that you ask yourself one simple question before you do begin dating: Am I ready to give my entire heart and all of myself to a new person? If you can't say yes, you are not ready. It's not fair to ask someone to become emotionally involved with you, to give you their heart and not be able to do the same in return.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I suggest you sign up for an online support group that really helped me to connect with others in the same situation.
http://dailystrength.org/c/Widows-Widowers/support-group
They have a bereavement support group as well but, I found the widows and widowers section to be of more help. The loss of your spouse is much different than any other loss you will face. Good luck to you. Please don't forget to take care of yourself, it really is so very important.
 
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juscurious is offline juscurious Post #9  June 30,2009, 6:29pm
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truckerjack1956 wrote :
I LOST MY WIFE TO DEATH IN APRIL 2009 WHAT WOULD BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO ??????
my brother asked me them same thing 7 years ago. I told him no. Wait atleast a year. He got married 5 mos. later. He is in agony.
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #10  June 30,2009, 7:03pm
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I've dated several widowers so that answer really depends on you. One thing I've noticed about most but not all widowers is that they development attachments prematurely. So be cautious with your heart.

There was one man I cared very deeply for. He lost his wife after a long illness. We met just months after her death. He was just about perfect for me except for a big age difference. At first I thought there might be a future for us. Later I realized the age difference was just too great. By that time he was convinced that he was in love with me. It was very painful for me. As I stated, I truly cared for this man and regret that I was unable to return his affection for me. He had enough hurt and it was very difficult to be the source of more.

Test the waters, have some flings if that's in your nature but give yourself some time. Allow any women you meet to know that your late wife had imperfections so they don't feel like they're competing with the perfect woman at all times. It isn't disrespectful of her memory to say that she wasn't perfect...simply human like the rest of us.

Above all other advice I can give you, as a women who has been involved with more than one widower, take some time to do more than fill the void left in your life. Enjoy the fact that there are women chasing you. Trust me there will be plenty. Women love widowers and you will have your pick. We want so much to ease your suffering. All you have to do is sit back and enjoy it.

I'm so sorry for your loss...VL
 
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