Hi,

I completely agree with abstinance outside the marriage covenent. If however you have had that kind of relationship already with your fiance, and now she's not desiring it, I can see why you would want to know where the change is coming from.

I commend you for the honesty about your own weaknesses. Thank you for being willing to present some of what "her side of the story" might be. Verry Cool of you.
The first thing I want to address, is unrelated to her lack of desire. I want to point out the issue you are NOT recognising within yourself.

I am not at all intersted in blame games. Please see this for what it is.
You ackknowledge that you are jelouse. That's a very positive step.
It would be beneficial to you, for your own personal development to take a look at what you have allowed that emotion to instigate you to do.

You invaded your fiance's space/ privacy by reading her e- mail against her wishes. You knew she was attempting to gain controll of her own privacy, because you discovered she changed her password. You breached it anyway.

You deleted mail that belonged to her, without her permission. In doing so, you took away her choice, to receive that mail, her choice and ability to consider it, and her choice and ability to deal with that ex boyfreind the way SHE deems appropriate. It was after all HER past relationship, and her place to respnond or not, according to what SHE is compfortable with.

By chosing to interfere, and breach her privacy, you are demonstrating the desire to control another person. It is very likely that if you did these things you have done other conrtolling things as well.

This is possibly a CONTRIBUTER to her lack of desire.

I would like to suggest that you are personaly not ready for an intimate realationship with another person until you are completely compfortable and happy with who you are. Not willing to controll another person in order to form your own happiness.

Otherwise, your fiance is demonstrating common side effects of people who have suffered from sexual abuse. Maybe she has NOT ever been sexualy abused. If she has, it may have been many years ago. Effects from that can lay dormant and then surface, and then sleep again, and then surface, and continue like this in different degrees, depending on how a person deals with it.

I disagree with walters indirect suggestion that you should indirectly give your Fiance' an ultimatum. Counseling or lose you. I think you should encourage her to seek counseling for her own health, as a person who cares about her. I also think you should seek counseling for your own health, as a person who wants to be healthy, and able to respect a loving woman someday.

I think it would be positive for both of you to recognise and verbalise,
that for whatever reasons, neither of you are happy with where the relationship is right now, and neither of you are wanting it to continue in it's present status.

Take care,
Lisa