scrapper1515 is offline scrapper1515 Post #1  June 24,2009, 7:52pm
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I will try and make this is short and concise as possible. I was pursued by a recently divorced (Jan 09) woman back in late feb/march time frame. I knew her before but didn't really ever talk to her. She was my best friends next door neighbor when she was married. Very beautiful woman (Jennifer Anniston'esk) So, we became physical within the first 2-3 dates, no control on both parts. The chemistry was amazing, everything flowed, thought alike, no red flags, etc.. etc.. We chatted via txt, phone or in person for almost 90 straight days!! overkill on my part, I know now!!

Well, my feelings got the best of me back in the middle of May and I told her that I liked her a lot. Since then we have had the 'Talk' and now she doesn't want to give to a relationship or can't. She says that she doesn't want to answer to anyone and states that it's normal for couples to have to answer to each other. We are not being physical with one another anymore and we have both backed off the communication. I am having a hard time controlling myself, just thinking about her. I am trying not to contact her but in my mind if I don't I feel that she will lose interest. First... Should I just give up on her and let her go? Secondly, if not, what would you recommend I do in trying to get her interest level back in the 80's and 90% range? Please help, I like this woman a lot but don't want to waste my time if all hope is lost. Thank you!
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #2  June 25,2009, 8:48am
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I'm sorry you didn't get a response to this. Maybe this will bump it back up and generate some responses for you.

She's been honest with you. She doesn't want a relationship. Respect that. I'm sorry that your feelings got tangled up in the process and I know it must be painful for you to consider letting her go but you've done all you can. A relationship takes two people wanting the same thing.

As for controlling yourself thinking about her, I understand this completely. It's hard to give up thoughts of someone we've cared for and easy to let those thoughts become excessive. Try to find things to do that are interesting and engaging...sports, visiting with friends, other hobbies. I wouldn't encourage you to get involved with anyone until you're over this attachment, but social dating might allow you to see other possibilities. Volunteer work - focusing on real issues that others have, has also worked for me in the past when trying to get over a romantic disappointment.

Good luck...and I hope this gets you some more responses.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  June 25,2009, 9:08am
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"Physical, chemistry...amazing!" ...And you "like" her a lot. What exactly do you want her "80-90% interest" back in? "Physical,Chemistry,Amazing"? Sounds like her hormones cooled off sooner than yours, that's all. What kind of "relationship" are you looking for ?
scrapper1515 wrote :
I will try and make this is short and concise as possible. I was pursued by a recently divorced (Jan 09) woman back in late Feb/march time frame. I knew her before but didn't really ever talk to her. She was my best friends next door neighbor when she was married. Very beautiful woman (Jennifer Anniston'esk) So, we became physical within the first 2-3 dates, no control on both parts. The chemistry was amazing, everything flowed, thought alike, no red flags, etc.. etc.. We chatted via text, phone or in person for almost 90 straight days!! overkill on my part, I know now!!

Well, my feelings got the best of me back in the middle of May and I told her that I liked her a lot. Since then we have had the 'Talk' and now she doesn't want to give to a relationship or can't. She says that she doesn't want to answer to anyone and states that it's normal for couples to have to answer to each other. We are not being physical with one another anymore and we have both backed off the communication. I am having a hard time controlling myself, just thinking about her. I am trying not to contact her but in my mind if I don't I feel that she will lose interest. First... Should I just give up on her and let her go? Secondly, if not, what would you recommend I do in trying to get her interest level back in the 80's and 90% range? Please help, I like this woman a lot but don't want to waste my time if all hope is lost. Thank you!
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #4  June 25,2009, 9:11am
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LBMM has some very good, very practical advice.

I'm sorry to say, you got used as the rebound guy. Live and learn.
 
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juscurious is offline juscurious Post #5  June 25,2009, 9:42am
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Here's the deal, dude. You came along when she was drowning. She grabbed onto you as any drowning person would grab onto a floatation device. I am sure she appreciated you for all she was worthNow, she is in the life boat and does not need the floatation device. She is now in the process of looking for a bigger boat. Whether she was looking to play you or not, you've been played. Try to remember the good times and move on. When it's over, it's over.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #6  June 25,2009, 9:49am
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I agree that you were the rebound guy. With you she was able to get her confidence back up and have some fun in the mean time. All you can do is learn from this situation and move on. Good luck
 
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scrapper1515 is offline scrapper1515 Post #7  June 25,2009, 10:08am
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I appreciate all the kind words and forwardness! I kind of thought I was the rebound guy as well. It entered my head more than once, that's for sure.

I have been dating others for the past couple weeks anyhow which is helping me take my mind of of her. Time will only help, right!! We are going on a date on the 30th which will be my last one as far as I'm concerned. I am a gentleman and would not want to blow her off. Any advice for this situation? Should I just break it off for good and screw the casual dating thing with her?
 
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sillydog is offline sillydog Post #8  June 25,2009, 10:29am
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Try focusing on yourself and not her.....find new ways to spend your time rather than thinking about her, if she comes around great, if not, you are that much better off finding other things to do with your time and life. Don't waste your time dreaming up things to say or ways to get her back, devote that time to figuring out what you can do for yourself to be happy. Don't chase, replace.......Hardest thing to do is to give people the space to freely be..either they move to you or away from you, but most of the time I've found pursuing them just pushes them away, so pursue yourself!!!! Good luck.........
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #9  June 25,2009, 11:41am
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scrapper1515 wrote :
I appreciate all the kind words and forwardness! I kind of thought I was the rebound guy as well. It entered my head more than once, that's for sure.

I have been dating others for the past couple weeks anyhow which is helping me take my mind of of her. Time will only help, right!! We are going on a date on the 30th which will be my last one as far as I'm concerned. I am a gentleman and would not want to blow her off. Any advice for this situation? Should I just break it off for good and screw the casual dating thing with her?
Dude,

You are either being played (Yeah, women can be playas too.) or;
You are her rebound, or;
You are her FWB, or;
A combination of any of the above.

If you don't mind being a FWB or rebound guy or whatever, and are OK with the casual thing then go for it. Just don't put your heart into it because that's all it is...a casual thing.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #10  June 25,2009, 11:48am
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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I truly believe a clean break is the only way past this situation. You are each interested in different things at this point, and staying will just prolong your unhappiness. Ending it will give you a chance to pursue other opportunities when you are ready to do so.
 
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