So you think (S)he needs to lose weight? Wanna bet?


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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #1  June 23,2009, 4:34pm

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I have a unique idea that needs feedback. I met my recent lady friend about 3 years ago. I was relatively much more in to fitness than apparently she was; but she promised she would pick up the slack. She said she was x pounds on the website, but she turned out to be x +10 When we met. I said maybe this won't work, she said let me try.

She was with it for a while, got close to that healthy weight, but then fell off the wagon; Hey; I know it's not easy; I parallel it to drug /alcohol addiction because I know before we could talk and walk we had our eating habits set for us, but I was hoping against hope that she could do it. Now she's x + 40.

So here's the unique idea that needs your feedback.

It's a bet.

For every pound she loses, I offered her $x amount, with the amount going up every 10 pounds she got closer to her goal. The amount offered if she gets to a healthy BMI (google it) was close to $3k. And I challenged her to make it a bet; ie; if she gains weight, she owes me $$ back.

I look at it as a serious, last ditch offer to reward her for getting where she promised to be on day one. She takes it as an insult. Was I wrong for making the offer? Am I trying to change her too much? Does she love food more than me? Should I say goodbye/goodluck and start over? Or should I just be patient?

Thanks, Robecology
 
 
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #2  June 23,2009, 4:40pm
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How nice!
A bet out of what may be a serious health issue... couldn't think of a better way to handle it myself.
 
 
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  June 23,2009, 4:41pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I think it was a mistake for both of you to start a relationship with the condition that 'she change'. It was a bad idea then....and your present idea is also a bad idea. Do both of you a favor and accept her the way she is or get out of the relationship.
 
 
chefertiti is offline chefertiti Post #4  June 23,2009, 4:55pm
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jayjay wrote :
I think it was a mistake for both of you to start a relationship with the condition that 'she change'. It was a bad idea then....and your present idea is also a bad idea. Do both of you a favor and accept her the way she is or get out of the relationship.
I will whole heartedly second this statement.
 
 
wishamee is offline wishamee Post #5  June 23,2009, 5:05pm
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I may be jaded. But I don't see HOW you are going to get past this mismatch.
 
 
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  June 23,2009, 5:10pm
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I’ve never been offered more money for less work.

Where do I get a deal like this?
 
 
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  June 23,2009, 5:19pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I’ve never been offered more money for less work.

Where do I get a deal like this?
Come over, but bring your whiskey with you...
 
 
Robecology is offline Robecology Post #8  June 23,2009, 5:26pm

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OK; so far Icecreammoon and D_Lion are in favor of working on the bet, JayJay, cherfetiti and wishamee vote I jump ship. Thanks for the feedback; keep it coming. I need to know what to do.
 
 
waltercl is offline waltercl Post #9  June 23,2009, 5:27pm
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You've run into the classic behavior trap of hoping to change someone once in a relationship. It rarely works. What people are before they meet you is most likely what they're going to be down the road after they meet you. I've seen women post about meeting a guy who plays video games all the time with his friends and hangs out with them most of the time. He promises to change, and for a little bit he does, but once he starts to feel a certain level of comfort in the relationship he goes back to the same habits.

This is the same thing in your situation. She had certain eating and exercise habits before you met, and she has continued those. I don't know if it was right to offer money or not, but I don't think you ought to beat yourself up because she's upset about it. The bottom line is she was unlikely to change no matter what you said or did.

Her lifestyle is not compatible with yours and you need to accept that and move on. She needs to find someone who has the same relative approach to food and exercise as she does.
 
 
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  June 23,2009, 5:29pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Robecology wrote :
OK; so far Icecreammoon and D_Lion are in favor of working on the bet, JayJay, cherfetiti and wishamee vote I jump ship. Thanks for the feedback; keep it coming. I need to know what to do.
Just note that my advice wasn't to jump ship (i.e. leave the relationship). It was to make a choice.
 
 
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