chetvinguyen is offline chetvinguyen Post #1  June 18,2009, 12:17pm
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Well, I guess this would be my first post.

Just to start out, about myself: I'm 21 years old and pretty fit. I have a baby face (people think im 15). As the subject says, I am very new to dating. Yea...I'm a very late bloomer. I can't say that I've been on a date before. Well to be more specific, I always went out with the girls in college, but I never thought of it as a date. I guess I classified it as hanging out, studying together, friendly conversation, being helpful, etc. Some girls thought I was interested in them, but I could never pursue because I was utterly incapable due to my fear of girls at the time. It's kind of embarassing. Maybe it's because of the culture difference between me and everybody else? who knows? I've been doing better now since I'm in the military. The guys always try to set me up lol. However, it seems the women they "hook me up with" are somewhat hooker...ish; not exactly my taste in girls. I can't really seem to find the right type of girl. It's kind of killing me because it seems so much easier if you're looking for friends than actually trying for something more. I find this very confusing.

I tried EH out and met someone on this website and we've gotten somewhat flirtatious with each other now (about a month now). At first, I didn't really expect anything of it, but I guess it feels like something more now. I told her that I'd wait for her and that she didn't have to wait for me. She seemed really accepting and open when I told her that. I'm in Iraq right now, and have about 3 months left. When I get back, she wants me to ask her parents for permission to date her (BTW im 21 and she is 20). She said it's a culture thing. The good thing is we are both asian. I associate with asian girls better I guess. I don't know, but I think I like her. It seems like she is interested in me, I guess since we talk about ... I guess stuff like holding hands and me taking her to an art gallery and stuff. She seems pretty open to me. I ask myself how long she would stay interested. It's kind of weird because it's like I'm lost now. I've never taken a relationship this far with all this lovey dovey talk and stuff... I guess I was just being stupid and dumb... and talking to her as I guess I normally do my friends, but she likes the corny stuff I say. I guess it's like this when you meet the first interest of your life. I just don't know what to do now. I don't really know what to say and I don't know how to behave. I don't really want to seem like an idiot. I've never been in this position before. Half of me really wants this to happen, but half of me is utterly paralyzed by her. That half wants to run away because he is afraid that it won't happen since we are so far away. Sometimes, I just want to ask her to just be friends to avoid a worse ending. I'm actually trying to avoid talking to her on the phone and just sticking to email lol. I don't know if I have the courage to talk to her. I hate awkward situations. Yea...I have a huge problem. Can someone give me some enlightenment or advice? I really am that new to dating. This is actually kind of embarassing; being that I'm in the military and nothing disturbs my emotional equilibrium except with this one situation. What should I do? I don't really want it to end bad. If it were to turn out as such, I would rather just keep emailing her as though we were close friends.
 
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orangepenmen31 is offline orangepenmen31 Post #2  June 18,2009, 2:18pm
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This sounds so familiar... I was that age not so long ago and very picky and determined to be the one to decide the type of girl I should be with, not my friends. So you're doing the right thing. Of course it's nice to be friends with women, even ones you want to date, because ideally, the woman you ultimately end up with should be your best friend. In your case, it sounds like you both want the same thing. Perhaps she's more experienced than you and neither of you know it. But it's perfectly normal to be scared. At that age, thinking about dating is expected. You have a great opportunity here; she's interested and giving you an opening. A lot of guys have to do a lot more work than this, so you can relax a little and be proud.

If the two of you do end up going out, if you ever think you're moving too fast or are just in general uncomfortable (due to a lack of knowledge and not disinterest), then be sure to remember the #1 rule of a good relationship: communication. Being honest is probably the most difficult thing for a man in a relationship, but it's your most valuable tool to making it work if that's what you both want. I know these things; not telling women the truth about my comfort zone cost me every relationship I've ever had. They deserve to know who you are and desire to be a member in a partnership that helps each other out. You seem like you really want to see this work, but might not want to make a move because you're the big picture type, and if you foresee any possibility this could fail in the future, you might avoid the relationship entirely because failure would be devastatingly painful. I have always been the type to think 2 steps ahead. But giving in to this fear is dangerous and lonely, and I'm still working on fixing it. Being analytical is good until you start thinking negative.

Yes, you started a little late and that alone is enough to make anyone nervous, but the best way to find love is to go out there and act! No one is ever to late to start dating. That's why it's called experience; it develops over time, whether your first date is at 14 or 40. You just have to find someone who's willing to give you a shot, and you definitely have to prove you're interested and committed right back. You will be afraid, but the only reason fear exists is so that you have something to overcome and be a better person. And there's nothing better than having someone to share your life with. Best of luck and be on the lookout for more responses from people that I guarantee will have a different perspective. We're here to help!
 
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liz88 is offline liz88 Post #3  July 1,2009, 11:27pm
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I can relate to your situation and how you feel...I met my first (any only) boyfriend after I joined the military as well. I was always the shy type, terrified of cute guys. But eventually I started opening up...at first just a little. Yes, there is always that possibility it won't work out...and honestly it didn't for me. But I still don't regret the relationship I had; I feel like I have learned from it. If you want to find true love you have to risk it. Even if it doesn't work out with this person, you won't regret it. Because in the end, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you tried...and you won't have to wonder what if. And eventually it will all work out in the end. You will meet that special someone. But only if you put yourself out there. What the previous poster said is true; honesty and communication are HUGE. That is the main reason my relationship failed. He had an extremely hard time communicating with me and lied to me over little things. Anyways, don't worry too much about looking like an idiot...if she's into you she will like you just the way you are; and that's the way it should be. I know it's cliche but its true. But it sounds to me from what you wrote that she's into you too. Just remember nothing risked, nothing gained. Good luck!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 2,2009, 4:49pm
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You're only 21. And in the military. You will probably have several girls over several years before you marry. That's the fun part.

The good thing about being in the military is it will give you discipline that will serve you well your entire life. I guarantee you will come out with FAR more confidence than when you went in.

I do believe there is somebody for everybody. There is somebody special for you simply because you are unique. Believe in yourself. There are many good things ahead of you.

Thank you for your service to our country!
 
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