Is true love possible in a LDR without 1st meeting in person?


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Dtails4me is offline Dtails4me Post #1  June 17,2009, 10:15pm
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I have been in a LDR for a month and a half now. I have never met him in person yet. I have only seen a few old pictures of him and he has seen pictures of me. We email, instant message, and talk on the phone just about everyday or more. I already like him a lot, and he likes me a lot. He already told me he loves me!!!!! Is that really possible??????
 
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greeneyesrsmilin is offline greeneyesrsmilin Post #2  June 17,2009, 10:35pm
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I think a LDR is possible but love? already? I think I would define it as Love of the person I have come to know LD. And LD is a far cry from actual F2F interaction. That's not to say you haven't learned a lot about each other (sometimes written communication can be far more revealing) but I believe F2F chemistry cannot be experienced LD. Does that mean I'm advocating a meeting after only 1 1/2 months? Not sure I would. Seems a bit premature. But that's just me and I'm just starting with online meetup communication. It's almost too easy to reveal more than might be wise too soon.
If you had met in your neighborhood would you feel comfortable with this extent of everyday contact and talk of love after this amount of time? If so, then perhaps your gut is working in your favor. I'm not sure of the answer but it raises some compelling questions. I'm anxious to see some of the responses--wish I were more help.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #3  June 17,2009, 10:39pm
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I really don't think that it is possible. Much of the connection that someone feels without meeting is in their head. You have to fill in a lot of pieces with your imagination & possibly fantasy.

It is possible for someone (I can't) to connect to some degree through those ways of communication but love is far too deep to be reached that way. I suppose that it could possibly happen... but it would take much, much longer than 1 1/2 months.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  June 17,2009, 10:48pm
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I would have to agree with the posts here so far.

I've been in two LDRs, but I've never known exactly how I've felt about the people involved until I've actually spent quality time with them.

The two of you may get along very well, and perhaps he loves what he knows about you so far, but as far as true honest love? I don't know...I just don't think so.

That said, I also realize that everyone is not ME, and I also realize that my situations don't necessarily apply to EVERYONE. I suppose it could be possible, but I believe that would be the exception and not the rule. There is just so much more involved, in my experience, to know that it's really love.
 
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avinash is offline avinash Post #5  June 17,2009, 11:32pm
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He probably has idealized you to a degree in his head and fallen in love with that idealized version of you
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  June 17,2009, 11:42pm
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It is possible that he fell in love with the image of you that he created in his mind. However, I do not necessarily agree that this image is idealized, unless you were always in happy mode, when communicating with him. Provided that you've had various honest communications (on good days, bad days, sad days, angry days, funny nonsensical days), it is also very possible that the image in his mind is very close to reality.

Having said that, people are not just ideas or images. Images need to be translated into reality and observed in daily life. Only when this happens and very little discrepancy is discovered between what he imagined and what he saw, can you discover if his current love for you was real. But even if it isn't, it's still a good start and a solid foundation to build something real, if that's what you both choose to do after meeting in person.
 
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Dtails4me is offline Dtails4me Post #7  June 17,2009, 11:53pm
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Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate it. Now that he has told me he loves me, how should I handle it?
 
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avinash is offline avinash Post #8  June 18,2009, 12:11am
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Dtails4me wrote :
Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate it. Now that he has told me he loves me, how should I handle it?
Maybe you two should meet face to face
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #9  June 18,2009, 3:11am
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It is possible he loves you (beginning stages) but there is still the "in person" factor of body language...appearance etc that doesn't always translate as someone thinks you are.

I would suggest scheduling a meeting as it seems you have a good deal invested here. It would be nice to see if it is the real thing or not. For me I simply tell someone that I don't say I love someone until I've met them in person. Plus for me that is usually around 6 months into a relationship...where I classify the feelings involved strong enough to say it's love.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  June 18,2009, 3:12am
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avinash wrote :
Maybe you two should meet face to face
I'll second that.
And I'll add that it would be advisable to do so sooner, rather than later. Otherwise, you run a risk of having a relationship that only exists in fantasy world, but with lots of feelings attached. And feelings can get hurt, regardless of what they were based on.
 
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