Q&A with "How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You in 90 Minutes Or Less" author Nicholas Boothman!


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Austringer is offline Austringer Post #11  June 20,2009, 8:24pm
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Nicholas,
My question is very similar to many of the other questions asked in this forum but my problem is that I rarely go out on a 2nd date. Just about every date has been very enjoyable, had great conversation and could be good friends but very little connection. I'm interested in learning more about the "scarcity" idea. I have a girl I met a while ago though the site and she comes and goes from my life. I'm still dating other people but have a hard time making a connection with most of them. There have been a few that were fun, but they always faded away after a few months. The one girl I'm really interested seems to only come around when I don't pay attention, talk with her for about a month or she thinks that I'm seeing someone else, but when I'm around for her, she backs off. What should I do? How can I find a balance or should I even try?
 
 
Nicholas_Boothman is offline Nicholas_Boothman Post #12  June 22,2009, 2:54pm
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teena wrote :
OK, what kind of advice can you give those of us who can never get past the frist 2 or 3 e-mails, let alone, get a Date?
Hi Teena –

If you encounter someone whom you think you’d like to meet, write to him or her immediately. All it takes is a few sentences, since he or she will be able to read your online profile to get the bigger picture. Don’t be shy about writing. A short sweet note, saying something specific you liked about a profile, is perfect. Look for common ground (shared interests or tastes) and “Me too” moments.
Make a date as soon as you decide you might like someone (after three to five good e-mails). Ask the person for a drink or coffee, or to something more special if you’ve developed a particularly good connection. As in the real world, the more you put yourself out there, the more your odds of meeting people improve—but understand not everyone you write to will write back, just as you probably won’t respond to everyone who writes to you, but do try to respond to most people. It’s not just good manners, it’s good sense.

Here’s a tip. One of the simplest, and yet most persuasive tools used in advertising is called a springboard. A springboard is a simple psychological technique used to make a strength stand out by bouncing it off a weakness. Here’s an example: “We may not be the cheapest airline in the marketplace, but we have the best safety record.” The weakness is a true statement that shows, rather than tells, that you are honest and human. The strength now shines even more brightly in contrast. In advertising, springboards are used to build loyalty and trust. They do the same thing in online dating. In your profile or emails you might springboard by saying, “I might not be the best looking guy on the block, but I look great in a tux.” It shows character and makes you more interesting.

Commit yourself to online dating for at least six months. So many people give up after meeting two or three duds. Keep an open mind and stay positive. On the other hand, don’t go overboard and burn out. If you aren’t meeting people you click with, take stock of the situation and consider rechecking your profile. Does your copy and your photo show your best self? There’s really no simple answer to your question so I’ve posted the entire chapter about online dating for you to download and read here: samplechapter

Stay well and assume the best

Nicholas Boothman
 
 
Nicholas_Boothman is offline Nicholas_Boothman Post #13  June 24,2009, 8:24am
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Austringer wrote :
Nicholas,
My question is very similar to many of the other questions asked in this forum but my problem is that I rarely go out on a 2nd date. Just about every date has been very enjoyable, had great conversation and could be good friends but very little connection. I'm interested in learning more about the "scarcity" idea. I have a girl I met a while ago though the site and she comes and goes from my life. I'm still dating other people but have a hard time making a connection with most of them. There have been a few that were fun, but they always faded away after a few months. The one girl I'm really interested seems to only come around when I don't pay attention, talk with her for about a month or she thinks that I'm seeing someone else, but when I'm around for her, she backs off. What should I do? How can I find a balance or should I even try?
Hi Austringer

If there’s no connection with your dates, there’s no connection. You can’t force it. If it’s not there, it’s not there.

With regards to the girl who’s playing games with you. Stay away from her. Clearly she doesn’t want to be in a relationship: she wants to be chased. She’s likes the game.

You are a good guy. Move on. Get up, get out, get involved more. Connect more.

Good luck – it’s worth it in the end.

Nicholas Boothman
 
 
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