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Bdadawg Bdadawg is offline
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I have two problems with my profile that I don't know how to present. How do I get women to look past these two things to see my other traits?

#1. I can't smile.
I've read through the advice that says post a picture of you smiling, it lets people know you aren't misearble and that you don't have bad teeth. The problem is a dog attack when I was young. In the attached picture you can see the scars on the side of my nose, above my left eyebrow, in my right eyebrow, and a trace of it on my right (in line with my lips). The one on the right is actually a large scar that I "keep hidden" by a little scruff.

#2 My profession.
In my grandma's generation a butcher "was a good catch". In my generation food comes from the store. I do everything from the slaughter to wrapping it in packages. The problem is that it's not something I can really push into the background and wait until someone knows me before really broaching. Doing slaughter also changes the personality and humor (at least mine), as dealing with and administering death makes it less "taboo" and the person a bit more callous.

I think that these are two of the main reasons that I keep getting passed by. It isn't something that I can change, but I am getting frustrated with matches being closed before I can even look at them. I can't really meet women at work as I'm not very presentable (blood on my clothing).

Any advice and/or input would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,

Bryan
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File Type: jpg Bryan 020.jpg (96.4 KB, 121 views)
- June 11th, 2009, 12:46 am
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lil_lamb lil_lamb is offline
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the pic of you with the dog is very cute. it conveys humour. i think that will do.

as regards being a butcher, i think you should consider your occupation in the modern light: you're a professional foodie. say that. it's true. it's less misleading even, unless you're really in it to satisfy neanderthal tendencies. and it expands conversation possibilities.
- June 11th, 2009, 01:13 am
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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hmm. it's phsyically impossible for you to smile, even a little bit? because you aren't a bad looking guy, and chicks dig scars.

as far as your profession, i don't think it matters unless you are matched with a vegan/vegetarian, unless you are presenting it the way you are here. it's hard to tell. i would just say you are a tradesman, and leave it at that.
- June 11th, 2009, 01:20 am
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bravethestorm bravethestorm is offline
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bravethestorm 10/10/09 Engaged to eharmony match

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On photos, I would just suggest presenting yourself in a variety of settings. Your personality generally comes across with clothing, background, etc. It also might be a good idea to make a note of why you aren't smiling somewhere on the profile. There are a lot of people that just don't smile so it's more about addressing the why.

On your job...there are careers that some take note in either a positive or negative way. This would vary by the individual though. For me, I would be more interested in what someone is as a person beyond their career as I believe in a balance of priorities. So maybe if someone asks you what you do...try describing it more casually instead of great detail. If someone is interested...they can ask for the specifics.

Whether eharmony or in person...try looking for someone during your leisure time. Hobbies...grocery stores...sports etc bring people together and most clothing fits the occasion.

Closing on here is just a part of the process. Personally I rather someone close than ignore me and let the match sit there. Just keep looking for the one that responds with a match for your personality. Good luck!
- June 11th, 2009, 01:28 am
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tweet37 tweet37 is offline
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Dude,

I don't see any scars so they can't be that bad. So don't worry about that.

I don't see how being a butcher would be a problem but women may tend to be put off by the slaughter part so leave that part out.

As far as pictures, a couple full length body shots doing something you like would be good, but for gosh sakes, if you're going to give a full size mug shot like that one wear some suntan lotion when you go in the sun ! (j/k).
- June 11th, 2009, 07:40 am
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DancingFool DancingFool is offline
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Your scars are not visible and not a big deal. I suspect that they are much greater in your eyes than in anyone else's.

As far as smiling in photos, etc. personally, if there are one or two photos of a guy where I can see what he looks like including a full body shot, that's good enough for me. Despite all the posts on these boards, a lot of men out there post horrible photos and still get plenty of dates. A lot of women out there are actually pretty tolerant and pretty willing to give a guy a shot even if his photos are not all that.

As for what you do for a living - the only thing about it is be proud of it. In terms of a sense of humor, if you know that you are being callous - you are. This means that you can tone it down. Also, one thing that will definitely turn a woman off is if you are being callous to her in particular and to people around, such as waiters, family members, etc. Again, if you know you are doing it, you can also adjust it. Keep the callous comments to your guy friends and off your dating profile.
- June 11th, 2009, 07:59 am
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1passionatefem 1passionatefem is offline
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Your occupation should not be an issue for anyone unless they are a vegetarian or vegan . If it were not for you I could not enjoy my medium rare steak or chicken!!!! As for the smiling issue, try posing yourself in different positions-try posing with your hand to the side of your face with your head tilted.
- June 11th, 2009, 08:17 am
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DDjr DDjr is offline
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CONFIDENCE!

Be proud of what you do and who you are! When you look in the mirror and say, "hey I really like the guy that I'm looking at" that comes through in everything you do! This projected confidence is what attracts women!

Get in front of a mirror and learn to put a happy expression on your face. You are absolutely correct. The big picture you have posted makes you look depressed and will turn women off. A smile hits more than just the mouth. It hits the eyes. Even if you end up with a crooked, goof ball smile, you will look better than you do in your picture here.
- June 11th, 2009, 09:08 am
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treatmesweetly treatmesweetly is offline
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DDjr is right, a smile is more than teeth/mouth. A smile and good nature are in the eyes. Practice in front of a mirror, then have a friend take a couple photos of you (face and full body). You can have a friendly expression without smiling.

Also, being a "butcher" is not a turn-off. Saying that you "slaughter" and "administer death" and describe your clothing as bloody is a turn-off. If you insist on presenting yourself in this callous and abrasive manner, expect to be closed. While most people are carnivores, they don't want to envision blood and gore every time they think of their date. Good luck!
- June 11th, 2009, 05:44 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is online now
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You may be right to assess your success as you have.

Smile: I agree that this is important to women. I think DDr and treetmesweetly got it right.

Job: my experience is that how I described my employment was the most important factor in the number and kind of women who communicated with me.

Can you tell us more about your work? If you work at a butcher shop, you could list “retail,” or “retail – specialty food.” (Look up terms trade groups use – they’re chosen and vetted to appeal as widely as possible.) This option is also good if you work other than conventional hours. If your position is more industrial, on an assembly line, you could chose a description like “manufacturing” or “industrial,” and go no further.

Your occupation conveys your social and economic class to your matches; it’s important to get it right.
- June 11th, 2009, 06:04 pm
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