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tbesq tbesq is offline
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The important thing to realize is that his hesitance probably does not mean he doesn't want to be with you or that he's not attracted to you. I agree with the others that discussion about in a "neutral" setting outside the bedroom is the way to go. Best of luck.
- June 8th, 2009, 11:39 am
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Wiseman2 Wiseman2 is offline
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Some normal healthy guys have situational anxiety. Some have physical, but not age related problems , such as substance abuse. He turned from you? Did you happen to notice if he was capable of being aroused? Sounds like he has some problems. Many guys DO NOT want to discuss erectile dysfunction anytime, in or out of the bedroom. He may just not be totally into you or your coming on to him or women in general. His problem not yours. Next time let a guy make the first move, that means he's ready, willing and able!
- June 8th, 2009, 01:26 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Good post from Wiseman. I would start with a physical problem.

I don’t agree with the religious issues answer, because I think someone would have communicated that and not left you to wonder.

Assuming the episode hasn’t damaged the relationship generally, I think you should discuss if he wants to, and if so have a few more attempts and see what happens.
- June 8th, 2009, 04:15 pm
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vagabondchef vagabondchef is offline
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Some people operate at a different moral pace. You mention that you are anxious and he isn't. There is nothing wrong with how you feel. But, I am much the same way as the man in question. In the past, many times when I jumped the gun before I was ready to go further in a relationship (and having sex with another IS an advanced form of commitment) there were times when I didn't feel good about it afterward, especially when I wasn't sure about my commitment. He could just be cautious, a little gun shy is all. If you really like him, give him a little space and some time. Unprepared intimacy can be very damaging depending on the person.
- June 8th, 2009, 04:57 pm
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meanminicooper meanminicooper is offline
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How many threads on here go, "we've been dating for x______ and all he wants is sex!!!"

He wants to take it slow.
- June 8th, 2009, 05:58 pm
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noraneko noraneko is offline
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I'm not a guy, but I've dated a couple guys who had erectile issues and were really embarrassed by them - so it may be the case here. Or it may be a religious / moral thing, or he may feel more affection than genuine attraction for you...the point is that it is a guessing game until you have an honest discussion. I don't want to hurt you or rain on your parade, but I do have to wonder how into you this man is - obviously he must know this is frustrating for you but yet he allows it to go on without discussing it - thus running the risk of losing you. I hope he does turn out to be wonderful and that you can work through it with a heart-to-heart, never the easiest thing! All the best to you!
- June 8th, 2009, 07:18 pm
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orangepenmen31 orangepenmen31 is offline
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To me, this sounds like an honest discussion is in order. You don't feel that you are getting the physical affection you need. Of course there's the whole "he's just not that into you" theory, but I think in this case (since you are flirting/cuddling/etc.) that's not true. Perhaps he thinks it's too soon for it. Or he's one of those not-before-marriage people. Or he just doesn't know you feel that way, because some guys no matter how awesome you think they are, are clueless with signals. Some men are too proud/afraid to tell a woman they're not ready for sex or don't know how to ask if she's ready, no matter how old or experienced they are. And even if you expect him to bring it up in conversation, he might not. But if this relationship's worth saving, it's worth a try to get the truth out of him. If he can't be honest, that's when I'd say it might be a good idea to consider moving on. Hope this helps! And another member is having a similar situation here:
http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...xperience.html (recent dating experience)
Maybe this thread has some insight for you too; I enjoyed reading it.
- June 9th, 2009, 03:35 pm
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DontCallMe_IllCallYou DontCallMe_IllCallYou is offline
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Okay first things first.... you've been dating for two months and the only thing he has said is that he "is interested in you". That's a red flag to me. It also may be nothing though.

I'm around your age as well and am a very physical person. When I date, I date exclusively and in that exclusivity, I anticipate a physical relationship. Having said that and to clarify I am also very picky and don't date exclusively very much. I'd be a bit concerned if my guy that I have been dating for two months only wanted to cuddle. If all was as good as you say it is for you, I would probably have to move in for the attack. Maybe he's just shy or one of those long lost gentlemen?
- June 9th, 2009, 03:48 pm
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angelofmerci angelofmerci is offline
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Although you say you have been dating for two months you did not say how many dates you had in that time or how long you were communicating with this guy before you started dating.

Based only on what you have posted I definitely think a good sit down chat is in order to find out where he stands on sex. Good luck
- June 9th, 2009, 03:50 pm
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4getmenot 4getmenot is offline
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DontCallMe_IllCallYou wrote :
Okay first things first.... you've been dating for two months and the only thing he has said is that he "is interested in you". That's a red flag to me....
What should he be saying??? I don't think that is a RED FLAG. It's been 2 months and she did not mention how many dates or how often. I don't go around telling people more than "I am very interested" after just "dating" for a couple months.

To the OP, I think what is sort of a RED FLAG is that you 2 spent the night together and NOTHING happened! I would be very frustrated over that. I think you need to have a talk with him like NOW. If you can't talk about it with him then you should not be wasting your time with this person to begin with. COMMUNICATION is the key....always.

Best of luck.
- June 9th, 2009, 04:03 pm
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